I'm tired of watching my mom slowly die in front of me. It's getting harder and harder to get her to eat, and her mind is almost completely gone at this point. She woke my up early yesterday screaming and slamming doors, saying that someone stole her shoes. After a search, I found that she had put them on a shelf in her bathroom. The rest of the day was her complaining about shoes and how no one would help her find them for the other people that stay in her room. A quick reminder that there is no one else in her room. These people are all in her head.
I have no idea how I'm going to dig my way out of this hole that I'm in. I'm definitely at a very low point in my life. I'll figure something out, I have no idea what it will be, but I'm nothing if not resourceful.
On to different stuff, that might be a bit more fun. I posted a picture earlier this week on Instagram and Facebook, and people liked it. You may remember, I've been working on this whole make-up thing. I think I've gotten somewhat decent at it. Decent enough so that it's noticeable but not noticeable. Here is the photo.
Here is the thing about that photo. Everyone noticed the eyes, which was the intention. I went with a bold look. What people didn't notice, is that I'm completely made up. Foundation, concealer, highlighter, bronze and contour. The only thing I didn't do was my eyebrows, because I haven't really figured those out yet, but I'm working on it, and I'm getting closer. I like the look and I'm learning more every day on how to do things right and not be a complete disaster.
I also did something else this week and at first, it was a shocking as I thought it would be.
That was before touchups, but I went as dark as I could find for these photos I want to do. The weird thing is, I'm actually liking the way it looks. My hair (when I had it) was always brown to light brown, with being blonde in my adolescence. Yeah, for the rest 10 or so years of my life I was a toe head. Even stranger than that, when I was born, I was a red head for 3 days. That's not important though. The thing is, I've never had really dark hair, so I was sure that I wouldn't like it, and once these pictures were done, I would get rid of it, and just go on with life, but I'm actually liking the way it looks now. It's not some vanity thing where I'm trying to look younger, as a matter of fact, I don't think it makes me look any younger. I just think it frames my face better. In the end, it has given me some ideas that I want to try a little later on, but this has opened my eyes to some possibilities for new looks, that I didn't even know were there.
This was from earlier today after touchups and the color having a day or so to set in. I do think I look like an entirely different person, and that just seems fun. I like the idea of not being myself for a while. If only I could go out and be around people, it would be interesting to see if I acted differently, and other than myself. Those days are long gone for now, and I don't see them returning any time soon. Thats not just because of the pandemic, but also the fact that I can't go anywhere. The most interaction I have with people is at the grocery store, and when I make an occasional trip to 7-11, and those social encounters are exactly what you think they would be. Typical costumer interaction. It's all I have though, so I'll just look forward to those moments each week. Good news is, tomorrow morning is when I do my grocery shopping, so It's social time everybody.
Quick mom update: I can hear her in her room right now fighting with the girls she lives with. It's the typical argument of, "NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU ARE UGLY!". Here is the thing, my mom never talked like that. She would never call anyone ugly. It's just all around disturbing. Oh yeah, that reminds of one other thing that happened yesterday morning. When I gave her her shoes, she threw them at me and said I threw them at her, then she began screaming like someone was hurting her. I was ten feet away at the time. When she gets that way, I really worry that someone is going to call the cops and have me arrested for abuse. She also later went out on the front porch and when I went out to make sure she was safe, she took her shoes off and tried throwing them at me again. They didn't make it because she hit Morty in the head both times. Two things are fortunate in this matter, she doesn't have the strength to do any real damage, and Morty being a part pitty, has a real thick skull. He wasn't even phased by it, which is why she managed to hit him twice. He just sat there and took it.
It's time for Favorite Song of the Week. This is a cover song that takes me back to a real fun time in my life. It also reminds me of the original and how groundbreaking and good it was. The original was done by The Cranberries. Delores O'Riordan has since died unexpectedly. That was a said day for me. I loved her voice and that natural yodel that she had. This version is done by Miley Cyrus, and although she doesn't have that yodel that Delores had, she does the song justice. I really hope you enjoy it. Here is Miley Cyrus with her cover of The Cranberries classic hit "Zombie".
I hope to have some of these pictures that I have planned for you next week. These are ideas I've had for some time, and they keep evolving as I put more thought into them, but I think I'm finally ready to start getting some of these ideas done. Peace in and goodnight
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