The Week From Hell

      Yep, the title says it all. I have two things I want to talk about. First really isn't about the title but something I feel may be long overdue, and the second is definitely where the title is derived from.

     Ok, let's kick this off. As you know I quit drinking some time ago. It's just around 4 and a half years now. I don't think I ever went into detail on why I quit and everything that went along with quitting. I know I've mentioned some things, but not all of them. I was very good at drinking, too good in fact. I wasn't the angry drunk, I was more of the fun drunk. Despite the over drinking and never being able to have just one, I never got black out drunk. I was always very aware of what was going on and what I was doing. I can also assure you that the old adage that alcohol brings out the true person, is a lie. Alcohol allowed me to wear a mask and be someone I really wasn't. Drunk me was very much a mask. If I did something a little crazy or offbeat, I knew what I was doing, I also knew I could blame it on drinking. The lifting of inhibitions was more of an allowance to blame it on something else. That was one of the reasons I quit, I got tired of playing that part. It was very exhausting.

     Another main reason was that more than often I would finish each night throwing up to get rid of excess alcohol before it was assimilated into my system. This is also why I never got black out drunk. After throwing up, I would more than likely end up going to sleep on the bathroom floor, not because I passed out there, but because the cool tile felt good on my skin. I would always get hot when I drank, not sure if that was some kind of side affect or just something that happened with me. I do have a higher core temperature than most people. My skin is often hot to the touch. I hate throwing up (more on that very subject later). Despite that I would make myself vomit to get it out before it could fully take hold. I actually got to the point that I was throwing up blood near the end. Once again, very exhausting. 

    The last reason was that I began seeing drinking as getting me nowhere, and I was just repeating each weekend over and over again. Not to mention the money it was costing me each week. I was easily looking at a $75 tab each night of the weekend I went out. That was usually the lowest amount. Add it up and it comes to a lot of money to literally throw up down the drain.

    When I finally made up my mind, there was no turning back for me. I was actually really proud of myself that day. Of course I still couldn't have just one, but I did go in and said to myself that I would only have two and those would be the last two I would have, and I stuck to it. I do know the date and I'm sure there is something mystical about the number when I look at it now 1/7/17. I didn't even think about it at the time, I just chose that day because it was a Saturday after one of the most inebriated New Years I've ever had. That New Years opened up my mind a little more than I expected it to. There were some growing pains when I quit. I had to change my objective for each week, which had become make it to Friday so you can go to the bar. It became what am I going to do on the weekend to stay out of the bar, and what lie am I going to tell people when they ask me to the bar? I should have just started out with "I quit drinking, sorry I just can't go to a bar right now", but I always came up with some other excuse. Hindsight teaches me now, that was the wrong approach, because I believe I alienated a lot of friends. This was part of how I ended up incredibly lonely and spiteful. I thought people abandoned me because I wasn't drinking anymore. There were some that did for sure, but most of them just got tired of asking me and me making up excuses for why I wouldn't go out. If I had it to do over again, I would have just said I quit drinking for my health and leave it at that. 

     It took me several months before I would step into a bar again, and I mean basically a bar that was a restaurant. I don't think I've stepped in an actual bar since I quit. I'd have to think a lot harder than I'm willing to do right now to figure that out. In the end, this was the right thing for me, because as good as I was at drinking, in all reality I was terrible at it, for the simple fact that I didn't have enough control over it to go out and have just one.

     Going cold turkey worked for me, but I don't suggest doing that, if you want to quit, get help. Being lonely is not the way to go. Like I said, I would have done things differently if I had to do it over again. If you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to me. I can tell you more about my experience and give you support, but I will always suggest getting professional help.

      Now it's time for the horror story. I woke up at around 2 AM Monday morning with s dull but very persistent pain in my left lower back. This started peaking my anxiety, because my mind immediately when to worse case scenario. My first thought was that my kidney was failing. I began looking things up that it could be. I started marking off symptoms. The only one I had was that dull persistent pain. Blood in the urine, nope, nausea (not yet) nope, headaches (also not yet) nope, fever, not at all. It was all very confusing to me. I reached out to a friend of mine that is a nurse and they told me everything it could be and based on my symptoms it was most likely kidney stones, but to keep listening to my body for any other signs and reach out if something changed. Very little changed during the day. The pain did eventually migrate to my abdomen, which was a good sign. Pointing more and more to kidney stones. It later began migrating to my groin. From there it would go back and forth from lower abdomen to groin, That's when the nausea bagan. I was going to just drink water and fast that day, but my friend suggested eating so as not to stress the body more than necessary. Turns out that really wasn't much of an option. I couldn't hold anything down. I threw up once the first day (which is what prompted talking about my drinking as per earlier), then the second day I was nauseous the whole day throwing up twice. The second time I had to drink extra water just so I had something in my stomach to come up.

     Let me tell you, contrary to popular opinion, passing kidney stones sucks. It is absolutely the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life (not sure I'm complete over it at this point in time) The kidney pain was bearable, but when it hit the groin, there was no getting around that pain, it was there and it is what caused the nausea. All that being said, I do consider myself lucky. The majority of the pain was gone after Tuesday, with only phantom pains, and the occasional half hour of really uncomfortable pain. The last of which I experienced last night. Today has been pain free, but I'm still not complete sure that I've passed all the stones. There is also the fact that I never caught any stones in a strainer and so I gave up any hope of that. More than likely the stone or stones broke down into much smaller pieces that could fit through the strainer. There is also the fact that I have a strange feeling in my, well we will go with urethra. I think a piece of the stone itself is lodged right now. It's not uncomfortable, it's just very much there, and slowly working it's way through. Where it was on Thursday is not where I feel it right now. I do think I know what caused it, or at the very least have it narrowed down to two things. Both of which I have changed my habits about and we will see if that changes things for the better. There really is no real way of knowing for me what it was, and how long ago it began, but I'm going to keep these adjustments in place and see if it happens again, that is all I can do at this point. Let this be a lesson to you. Listen to your body, when you talk to someone about what is going on, tell them everything. They can't help you if you aren't fully honest with them. No detail is too small in order to get the right diagnoses.

     Now that all the heavy stuff is over with. I do have one picture for you before I go. I've let the garden go to pot, so I'm going to be spending this week getting it back in shape. I went to the nursery to get some soil and new flowers for the garden, and it was also the first time I went anywhere without a mask. Don't worry, the nursery is all out doors, and the have personal distancing in the little checkout are, which is an open air hut. I felt comfortable there without a mask since I was outdoors, and I still kept my distance from people. If I saw I was going to cross someones path at a crossroads, I would hold back a little and let them pass before I would go. It was real simple to do. Anyway I got a few flowers to plant in the garden. I went with flowers intstead of vegetables, because I wanted plenty of eye popping color, and I think I did a decent job for a small budget.

     I don't have all the names at hand but the yellow are lantanas, the blue ones in the front are You Blue My Mind (got them mostly for the awesome name). The pink one at the top is the splurge. It really stood out to me, and when I saw what it was, I just had to get it for the garden. It should be a challenge to grow. It is a Desert Rose. Not sure if you know, but that is a rather fabled flower. Usually there is a lot of mysticism and magic surrounding the name. There was no information there about it, so I have to look up if it likes somewhat dry conditions (desert=s dry), so for that reason I think it will be a challenge to grow. I am going to look up all the information on it, so that I can give it the best chance I am able to. Once I get the garden back up to shape, I'll take pictures for you and have all the names.

     It's now time for Favorite Thing of the Week. No video or picture or anything this week, just a simple television viewing recommendation. New to Netflix this week is a show based on a DC Comic book called Sweet Tooth. I'm not going to give you all the details because I think it is a show you really need to experience without knowledge of it. The basics are, that it takes place during and after a pandemic that wipes out a very large portion of the population, but there is also something else. At the time time the virus is going on, babies that are being born are being born as human/animal hybrids, and that is all I will tell you about the show. The show is executive produced by Robert Downey Jr, and his wife Susan, so I"m hoping doesn't pull a one and done like they did with Jupiter's Legacy and cancel it. I'm sure the Downey's will push for a season 2. I did manage to finish the whole season in 2 days since Netflix's new thing is seasons that are no more than 10 episodes long, and more and more they are 6 and 8. Sweet Tooth is 8 episodes. I have a lot to say about that , but I'll save it for some other time. When you have some free time and watch something very unique and fun to watch, give it  a try. Peace in and goodnight.