Not accountability photos, but every now and then, I need to see how I look, not in a mirror, but how others may see me. I have long suffered from body dismorphia, which is to say that I see all the flaws, even in places where they may not exist. This was part of why it took me so long to get into shape, and is now why I'm never satisfied truly with how I look. I am getting better about it though. I do understand that a lot of men my age would like to have a body like mine, but (yeah, here comes the flaws) I'm not where I want to be. I may never be where I want to be. It's entirely possible that I set unattainable goals for myself. I am 50 after all. That in itself makes it harder to attain a low percent of body fat. The body doesn't process food as easily as it once did. Important nutrients are as easily absorbed, and the body is in a constant of breaking down. That is all part of getting older.
I have accepted that I do look pretty good for a 50 year old. Listen I don't think I'm a heartthrob, or even someone that anyone would find attractive (my online dating profile proves that). I need to speak more kindly about myself, to myself. I am always talking to myself about how I can get better, and not really acknowledging my accomplishments. I'm lost a lot of weight and kept it off. Even when I went off the rails, it really wasn't obscene. Even now, I'm working towards bettering my physical appearance to my liking. I won't give up this fight even though I know that most of my problem with my appearance is how I perceive it.
This post is about me working on being nicer to myself, and hopefully passing on that you need to do that for yourself as well. Self care takes many different forms, but what I'm learning is that the most important one is actually liking yourself. I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way. Peace in and goodnight.
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