I Just Want A Normal Week

      This week did not go anywhere near as I had hoped it would. If you saw the Monday post, which not at all planned, you saw that I lost my precious Schnuggie. That alone made it a rough week, but things got a little better when I got her remains back on Thursday. That was the final highlight of the week and I'm glad it's now coming to an end so I can begin again tomorrow. More on the misery later.

     I had the Schnuggie cremated, I just couldn't bear the thought of transporting her body back to the house for a backyard burial. I'm still shattered over losing her, but I'm getting better. Part of the cremation process was getting a lock of her hair and a paw print. That paw print gave me an idea, since I'm revamping the garden. I'm going to dedicate the garden to The Schnug, and place the paw print in a location of prominence. I'm going to have to put some epoxy on it to protect it from the weather first, but I think it will make a nice addition to Gauge's Garden.

     The Schnugg always liked laying near the garden, mostly because there was shade at one end of it, but I think it's fitting for it to be her garden from now on.

     This is the current state of Gauge's Garden. I was a little short on my mulch so I do need to get another bag to finish it all off, but it looks pretty good. So far, the string lights do not work, but I might have done something wrong, so I'll go back and check things out and see if it was a complete worthless purchase or not. It's a disappointing, but not unexpected since it was Wish purchase. Pay a couple bucks for lights they may just not work. I may just end up going back to the Harbor Freight rope lights.. The ones I got from Wish were multicolored LEDs so they were going to look real neat, but you can't always get what you want.

     As you can see the Desert Rose is doing great, despite still being in it's nursery pot. Yes, I still haven't found the right pot for it. I'll find it, it's just going to take me much much longer than I thought it would. That photo was taken this morning. Thought I would share, because it's one of the few good things about this week.

     When I woke up yesterday it was very quiet in my mom's room, so I decided to just let her sleep a little while longer than normal. When I finally walked in, I found her laying on her side with her head under the bed. I think I actually woke her up when I got near her. I asked what she was doing on the floor, to which she replied, "I'm not on the floor."  I asked her if she was hurt and she said no, so I tried to slide her out from under the bed. That was met with cries of pain, so I immediately stopped, and asked her if she could roll over on her back. She wasn't able to do that at all, so I had to call an ambulance. EMTs showed up and after much crying out, were able to get her up and into a chair. They checked her out, and although she was holding her left shoulder very weird, they believed she was ok, but I wanted to be safe and asked them to transport her to the hospital, but since I'm not medical power of attorney, I can't really make that call and they have to go by her wishes. She wanted nothing to do with riding in the ambulance, so they offered to help get her into my car and I could take her to the ER. I ended up taking her to a different hospital since the EMTs told me that the usual one I would take her to, had been very busy that morning. The new hospital is exactly that, a new hospital. It was very nice, and rather reassuring that despite this state being incredibly backwards when it comes to Covid, everyone was wearing a mask without complaint. I do believe we got into a room sooner than we would at the usual hospital, but the wait was still insanely long. After a few hours the doctor came in, then it took another hour before X-rays and CT scan, and then another 2 hours after that before the doctor and discharge came through. My anxiety was at an intense level, but there is an added reason to that, which I will get to in a second. The X-rays and CT scan showed the my mom was ok. There is the possibility of a bone break in her shoulder but there is literally nothing they can do about it anyway. If it is anything it's a chip at the tip of her shoulder. They couldn't find any bone fragments so they don't know if it is a fresh break or a deformity of the bone or what have you. My mom isn't feeling any pain, but that could be in large part to the dementia itself.

     This visit to the ER has made my exponential harder to deal with. She has been very argumentative since coming home, including something as silly as arguing that her shoe isn't her shoe. There's other things, but they are too graphic to go over in this post. I'll just deal like I always do, but I would really appreciate it if someone else in this family would finally step up and do a little more. I'm not going to go off on a rant because it's just a waste of time and I'll be told it's all my fault anyway, but when I was told by someone at the beginning of this that we all need to come together to help out my mom, it seems like all that meant was I need to do everything and everyone else can tell me how I made that decision to do that. There I'm done with that.

     So my morning plan yesterday was let her sleep in a bit so I could put some of that Arctic Fox (more on arctic foxes later) let it sit a bit, wake her up, get her in the shower and giver her breakfast and by the time all that was done it would be time to rinse out the dye. Well, that didn't happen. I put the dye in let it sit and then went in to get her and all hell broke loose. I had to leave the dye in the entire time I was at the ER, which was around 5 hours. There are some negatives and positives to all of this. The negatives are the addition to my already walking into a hospital anxiety with the new anxiety of what this dye was doing to me being on for way way too long. This also caused a slight itch to my beard which was very annoying under my mask, which also added to my anxiety. The singular plus is the incredible hold of color I have from leaving it in that long. The itch lasted through the night but seems to be gone now, but I'm expecting the worst with that. If nothing more happens, then it's a plus plus, but like I said, I'm expecting the worst. No I don't have a picture, maybe I'll get one tomorrow and save it for next week.

     Before I get into Favorite Thing of the Week, I really should have put this above when I was talking about the Schnuggie. Even though I didn't get the time I had expected to get with her, knowing full well the my time would be short considering that she was an older dog at 7 when I adopted her, I wouldn't change a thing. To answer your next question, yes, I will eventually adopt another dog, and yes it will be an older dog. I feel that older dogs appreciate being adopted much more than younger dogs, plus there is the fact that people overlook those older dogs and miss out on what they truly have to offer. I'm also going to get on my high horse and recommend that you at the very least adopt if you are looking for a pet. I would hope that you would give an older animal a chance, but if you can't just do your best to adopt. If you can't adopt a pet right now, but still want to do something to help out and look stylish while doing it, I'm going to recommend a sunglasses purchase. My favorite sunglass company Goodr is teaming up with Wags & Walks which is an organization that works to place dogs in homes to get them out of kill shelters. Goodr is putting 100% of proceeds from these awesome sunglasses towards Wags & Walks, so you can help out an look incredible awesome at the same time. Just follow this link Cool Sunglasses and give them a peep. I must mention that Goodr makes some quality sunglasses at a real affordable price. Most of the pictures you see me in wearing sunglasses are my Goodr sunglasses. They have multiple styles, but I personally prefer the wayfarer style that the make. They call them OGs.

     Ok, it's on to Favorite Thing of the Week. I'm bringing back some music, but I really need a boost this week, so this is going to be Favorite Things of the Week. I have two songs for you and one picture. This is where that arctic fox comes in. Just check this out.

     That is an arctic fox shedding it's fur for summer. How freaking cute, yet badass is that? I do believe I've found my new spirit animal, and it's a shedding arctic fox.

     Ok, First song this week for Favorite Songs of the Week belongs to none other than Twenty One Pilots. They just released a new video for their song "Saturday" and I'm going to share it with you right now. I would just like to point out that they always have a hidden message in their videos and songs, but there is one rather obvious one, which is Trash the dragon. Trash represents creativity, so when you see him and what he does, it's a pretty obvious statement, anyway, please enjoy TØP with their new song "Saturday".

     The second Favorite Song of the Week is one that I didn't necessarily promised you, but I had really hoped to share with you at some point, and that is the official version of the Foo Fighters as the Dee Gee's doing their version of the Bee Gee's hit song "You Should Be Dancing".

     I know the old Christopher Walken bit is calling for more cowbell, but Taylor puts exactly the right amount of cowbell in that song. Now that's the way to end a week. Watching this video truly had me the happiest I have been all week. I'm really looking forward to the whole album. Just a reminder this is part of Record Store day on July 17th. This is a 5 song EP titled Hail Satin by the Dee Gee's, which is the official Foo Fighters Bee Gee's cover band name. I know that seems like a lot, but aren't all things that are epic, just a little too much. Peace in and goodnight.

A Time To Say Goodbye

     I had to write to give you an update today, because it was not the update I really wanted to give. I had to say goodbye to The Schnuggie this morning. I was able to get an appointment very early despite it being the same day. I took her in, knowing deep down in my heart that it very well could be the last time I see her. The growth was exactly what it always was, just a sak filled with fluid, and no impact on her breathing condition. That was something else entirely and it was my worst fear. As soon as the doctor came back in to show me the X-ray, I knew it as soon as it lit up. Her lungs were ravaged with cancer. I've been unfortunate in my life to see what cancer looks like on an X-ray far too many times to not recognize it right away. Before the doctor could even lay the options out to me, I had already made up my mind. I had made this decision a few days ago with the feeling that cancer could be involved, and when it was on this large of a scale there was no doubt in what had to be done. I didn't want The Schnuggie, my baby girl to suffer more than she had too.

     The doctor brough The Schnuggie back in with the intravenous catheter in place so I could spend some time with her. As much as I wanted to spend all the time in the world with her, I knew that it was prolonging not only her pain, but mine as well. The doctor and a tech came in do administer the injection and The Schnuggie went peacefully as I stoked her back and gave her butt scratches. There was no incident and it was as if she just simply laid down to sleep.

   

    This was the last photo I took of her as I was saying my farewell to her. She was such a special dog and I will miss her greatly. I know that she can finally fully relax the way I always wanted her too. I just hope that I gave her the best two years of her life and that she enjoyed her time in this house. 

Goodbye Baby Girl

I Just Don't Know

      It's been a pretty miserable week, but I'm trying my best to end it on a high note. Let's get into why it's been so bad. Well, the Schnuggie is having some health problems and I'm worried. I need to try and make a vet appointment for tomorrow, tomorrow morning. She is having some labored breathing and the sak that usually fills with fluid on her cheek has migrated lower and might be causing the problem, or it maybe another kind of growth entirely. I thought it was the typical filling with blood and I would keep an eye on it to rupture then clean her and everything up as usual, but when the growth dropped lower and below her jawline, everything changed, and the problems began. With everything going on with her, I'm stressed out more than usual, then to top that off, since her schedule is all messed up from this, she is wandering around at night, which gets Morty needing to come in m room and get as close as humanly and caninely (is that even word? it is now) possible. Which means he gets on the bed and than collapses on top of me. This happens several times a night, and The Schnugg needs to go out in the middle of the night now. With all of this going on, my mom has been waking up and wandering during the night as well. Needless to say, I've gotten no more than a couple hours of sleep each night, with the exception of last night when I finally collapsed and couldn't wake up until 6 this morning.

     All of this has gotten me searching out comfort foods, which means a whole lot of garbage. I have not eaten clean at all, but I have kept to eating windows, and limited my caloric consumption as to not overdo it. Even though my eating has been a disaster, I'm not a disaster yet. It takes much more than a week to do that. Still it does go faster than it did to take it off, but that's when you forget all about everything. I need you to know that one week, maybe even one month isn't going to ruin everything, it will put a damper on things, but you can overcome it, and I will as well. These aren't accountability photos, but they are kind of a check in, and also to show you my patriotic 4th outfit for the day.

     Had to highlight my American Rebel Johnny Cash socks. They are pretty rad. As you can seed despite being an actual train wreck, I don't look like one. Still haven't made it to join that gym, I had different priorities this week, but I am on the verge of just giving up on overcoming my anxiety on that matter. Also, since I didn't get much sleep, I haven't hit the lake trail since Tuesday, so goal was not reached by a rather large margin this week. I'm going to chalk it up to a rest week, and try to get things back to normal this week. After I deal with the Schnuggie situation. 

     I did add the final plant to the garden, so now it's all about getting the new fencing and putting the string light up, and then filling in all the gaps with mulch. The final plant is a rose bush. I've wanted to try and grow roses for a long time now, but never had the right place for a bush until now. Since the garden is being overhauled, this is the perfect addition, and I've not only wanted roses, but I wanted a fragrant flower.  None of the other ones give off any scent, so it's truly a joy to have something that you can grow and enjoy the oder of, as opposed to growing something that's going to melt your tongue and face.

     If you remember back to the last photo, that plant at the bottom right was the berry cream from the pepper in a can challenge. It has already doubled and possibly tripled in size since transplanting. If you didn't notice, the Rose is dead center at the top. We've gotten quite a bit of rain lately, and that Rose is even fuller with more blooms on it right now. I'm going to try to get that fencing this week. If I'm lucky it will be the same white fencing that is already there, the problem with that is that it's dry rotted and starting to break and fall apart. A couple years in the sun have made it very brittle. I'm really looking forward to seeing if the new lights work. They were a Wish purchase, so chances may not be good, but they were cheap, I mean very cheap, and if they do work, they are going to be a pretty big deal for me. Hopefully I'll have completed garden pictures next week.

     One last photo, which is kind of Favorite Thing, but I'm just going to make it a bonus FT this week. This is a can of Liquid Death Mountain Water in one of their paper bag type coozies. Their water is really great, and I love their tongue and cheek sense of humor about looking like a degenerate while simply murdering your thirst (no this is not a paid advertisement, I just really like their water?.

     Give them a try some time. They are very environmentally conscious and all about recycling. I think they mention that 60% of their can is from recycled material, where as most of your plastic bottles are only about 10% if even that. They can't go full recycled material, due to it being weaker than newly forged aluminum, that's where the 40% comes in. Oh and the water is from the Alps, natural water from a natural source, not filtered, just good.

     Ok, now that the plugging is out of the way, let's get to Favorite Things of the Week. See what I did there? I made it plural. I wanted to recommend two new shows that I started watching. The first one is a reboot of an old Nickalodean show, iCarly. Yes, I watched, no I'm not a weirdo. Well, no more than normal, but I relay enjoyed the early show. Gibby was my favorite character, and Spencer having all of his sculptures somehow erupt into flames was a hilarious gag. The new show is more adult oriented to grab ahold of those kids that watched it when they were young and now in their twenties. There is more adult language and topics, but the still brought bag the sculptures bursting into flames gag back. Gibby has yet to show up, but I'm hoping beyond hope that he does. He is played by Noah Munck and you may know him as Naked Rob on The Goldberg's.  Which let's not even get into how hilarious it is that he is Naked Rob when his running gimmick on iCarly was to take his shirt off and dance all the time. Hilarious stuff. I do miss the character of Sam, but they did an acknowledgment of why she's not on the show. She is out touring the country with a motorcycle gang, which is what she was going to do when the show ended. The reality is that Jeanette McCurdy didn't want to reprise the role, so it's highly doubtful that she will ever make a reappearance is Sam Puckett. Anyway, iCarly has new episodes every Thursday on Paramount+ formerly CBS all access.

     The next show is also a kids type of show on Disney+. It is called The Mysterious Benedict Society. It is also doing weekly episode drops. I think it is every Friday, but I'm not 100% sure of that. It stars Tony Hale as Benedict an eccentric scientist that is trying to save the world from The Emergency. He has sneakily enlisted 4 kids to infiltrate a school to find the leader of the malicious organization and try to take down it's network. It is very much Lemony Snickett-ish. I am only assuming that the author is a fan of those works and molded his story in that same vane. Either way it is very entertaining. The show also has some people you may now in Kristen Schall and Ryan Hurst. Hurst may be more familiar at Opie in Sons of Anarchy, and Beta in The Walking Dead. That guy never seizes to amaze me with his talent. There is one part where the kids ask him his story and he breaks into the monologue with such depth of emotion that you simply stare at the screen without blinking in fear that you may miss something on the screen. He is definitely a highlight in the show, which is full of highlights. I won't go into more detail, because this is defiantly one of those shows you need to enjoy and live the experience as it happens and not know first hand what is going on. If you have Disney+ give it a try. I highly recommend it.

     That's all I have this week. Maybe next week I'll bring back Favorite Song of the Week, but nothing has really truly grabbed me lately. Sure there are the old favorites that I always go to, but even they are just carrying me over until something really grabs me again. I'm sure it's just the state of mind I'm in with dealing with all the pressure that is caving in on me right now. Like I said, I'm trying to finish this week on a high note, so getting this out right now is part of doing that. Peace in and goodnight.

I Got An Air Fryer

     Added some more to the garden this week. I know, it still looks pretty trashy right now. I need at least one more plant and then I'm going to redo the fencing around it. I also got some new lights to string through the fencing. Once I get all of that done, then I'll finally lay down the mulch which will make a huge difference in it's appearance. Once again, those pots are there as labels for the time being. I still haven't decided if I want to label each plant or leave them nameless and just enjoy the garden for it's beauty as opposed to knowing what everything is. I still haven't found the right pot for the desert rose either, but it's doing great in it's little nursery pot. Oh, if you look at the bottom of the photo you can see that caramel reaper on the left side and the berry cream on the right. That caramel has exploded this past week because of the rain we've been getting, and the berry cream has easily doubled in size since transplanting it from it's tiny soda can. The caramel reaper has it's first bud as well, which I'm excited about because I really liked that pepper.

     Although I've eaten some pretty sketchy things this week, I haven't gone of the rails again. I wanted to try a few things, still eating with certain parameters so that it doesn't really effect me over all. I tried Burger King's Ch'King sandwich. That is there new entry into the chicken sandwich wars, and Popeye's is still the hands down winner. The Ch'King was rather bland with very little seasoning. It was a breaded chicken breast with a couple of pickles on it, other than that, nothing really to talk about. They do have a deluxe that is dressed and a spicy one, but it seems they just forgot about the flavor.

     Mountain Dew also put out two new flavors that are kind of part of their Baja Blast. They added Baja  Flash and Baja Punch to the limited lineup. The Flash is basically piná colada, which I wasn't a fan of because of the overbearing coconut flavor in it. The Punch was much better in my opinion. It's a tropical punch that is heavy on pine apple, which I really liked. The best is still the lime centric Baja Blast though. It also helps that they began making that in Zero Sugar last year.

     I guess I should discuss my eating parameters. Basically, I've been eating some sketchy carbs, but doing it in a way that minimizes their effects. I've been very low fat on those days, and kept my carbs mostly separate from anything else, maybe a little protein thrown in, to benefit form the way carbs can help absorption of protein. I've maintained my weight but I often feel bloated from the carbs, which really isn't enjoyable. It also makes me look back on all that time that I felt this way constantly, and thought that was just the way it was. In the end this just fortifies my desire to not feel that way and get back to my normal eating habits as soon as possible.

     I still have yet to join that gym near my house. Every time I think about it, my anxiety just rises, and I have to pass on it. It's mostly the whole idea of going to a new place that I don't know, and also the lack of mask wearing from people when I was there. I do know when there low volume hours are, so I can avoid most people, and I would be wearing my own mask, but it still gets the better of me. I either have to just push through it or forget about it all together. I'll let you know how it all ends up.

     I wanted to fill you in on a show I've been watching on Netflix. It's called Word of Honor, and it's a series from China. It's a good old kung fu drama. It is highly fantasy driven, so the martial arts is fantastic and full of wire acrobatics, but it's really good and interesting. It follows to martial artists, that are soul mates, and the unique thing about that, is that they are both men. This is very unusual for something coming out of China. They have kept them more like brothers than lovers, but there are hints there that they want their relationship to be more. One is the former leader of a kung fu sect that has ended the sect and inflicted a curse on himself with 7 nails that are killing him slowly. The other is secretly the head of a malicious organization that is bent on destroying the world, but when he finds his soul mate he begins to see the world in a new way. The best part of this series, is that it right now I'm on episode 36. That is the first season. I don't think there will be another season, but it's so refreshing to have a series on Netflix that is more than 8 freaking episodes. I really don't like this whole new format of Netflix where they will only accept 8-10 episode seasons. I'm sure this is some cost cutting measure by them, but when you consider that each year their rate per year goes up, the least they could do is give you maybe a 16 episode season. Maybe I'm just used to the network standard of 22 episodes a year for a season, but that also allows you to really tell a story and not rush everything. A lot of the new series rush the story because Netflix is cancelling series after a first season and not giving them a real chance to develop a story. I do think this will eventually end Netflix's reign as the premier streaming service to go to. 

    Alright it's time for Favorite Thing of the Week. This past week I took advantage of Prime Days and finally got an air fryer. I've been wanting one for a long time, but in order to get a decent sized one, you had to pay an arm and a leg for it, otherwise you got one that was only good for maybe toast and a few fries. I was able to get my hands on the size that I wanted for 50% off of the normal price which put it in the price range of those really small ones. I've tried a few things in it so far. Veggie fries of course, which was a no brainer, but I also tried a pork tenderloin that came out perfect. Today I tried doing some steak tips in it, and they came out really good, but since I'm figuring this all out, I ended up with them being well done. That's not a big deal and as I said, they came out really good, but I like my steak medium or medium rare. I set it at 350 for 20 minutes, so next time I'll try cutting the time in half and see if I can end up with them more medium. That all being said, this thing is great and makes cooking even more simple then it already is. If you have one and have any particular things that you think I might enjoy trying out, please let me know.  I have yet to venture into cooking vegetables in it yet, cause I'm really worried about over doing them, but I will eventually give it a try. This particular one has a dehydrator setting on it as well, so I will be drying out some peppers soon. I'm pretty excited about my future eating with this.

     That's all I have this week peace in and goodnight.

A Flower By Any Other Name Would Be Called The Dee Gees

      Not a whole lot happened this week. I'm trying to avoid a subject that is very popular right now, or at least trending, so let's see how that goes. I'll let you know if I bring it up.

     The lake trail was devoid of people most of the week, so I was out there alone a lot. I did finish The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I have to admit, I did become pretty enthralled by the end of it, but I stand by my original assessment of it being absolutely forgettable. Reason being, I really can't tell you much about it beside the characters being horrible people with the exception of the one lone character that was basically thrown in to make a particular pathetic character even more pathetic, while still being a horrible person. It wasn't to create sympathy for them, it was designed to make them seem even worse for what they did. The idea behind the book was to amplify individuality, which it did, but to make every one of those characters devoid of morals was complete unnecessary, or maybe those are the only people she knew. I can't figure that out at this point, and I have no desire to listen to it again to try and figure it out. 

     I haven't decided what my next book will be, but it will be back to the normal fantasy/fiction that I normally enjoy. I do have a book by David Foster Wallace lined up, because I saw a biopic about him and want to see what his writing was like. I know nothing about it, but I believe it is fiction, and is slightly humor based. I'll let you know when I get to that. I have I think, 4 or 5 books in my library that I haven't listened to yet, so I think I will throw that one in the middle of them all.

     No garden update. I haven't ben able to get out to the nursery to pick up more plants yet, so it's still exactly the same, with the exception of a few weeds that popped up and I pulled this morning. I did get a good picture of one of the blooms from the Desert Rose, so here you go.

    It's quite the fetching flower. I can't wait to finally figure out what I'm going to do with it. Still need to find that right pot for it, so I can display it properly.

     I have some fun music news for you which is really my favorite thing of the week. The band Garbage has a brand new album out, and I was going to choose one of their songs for Favorite Song of the Week, but something else happened that bumped that idea from my head. More on that in just a bit. The new Garbage album is No Gods No Masters. It's a bit of a protest album and I'm here for all of it. Shirley Manson is my spirit guide, and I would follow her anywhere. I believe that this album is just as good if not better than anything they've put out. That is a tall order considering how great their self titled debut album was. They kept their signature sound and added a little more angst to it, with a bit of anger at the system. It's a double album with the first album being that protest album, and the second being a good old fashioned album of covers. They do a version of David Bowie's Starman that I highly recommend listening to. If you have a streaming service you like, try this album out, I'm pretty sure you will add it to your playlist.

    Ok, yesterday I read some really fun news, and I'm pretty excited about it. On July 17th, it's the annual celebration of Record Store Day. To commemorate that day, a ton of artists release new stuff, mainly on vinyl that you can only buy on that day at record stores, and this year might be the best year of them all. The Foo Fighters are losing their name and becoming The Dee Gees and releasing a 5 song EP covering The Bee Gees. The album is called Hail Satin, and I need it in my life. If you are thinking, oh, that sounds ok, but who wants to hear the Foo Fighters do their version of Bee Gees songs. You would be pretty far from what it actually is. They are doing these songs as a Bee Gees Tribute band. You know, covering the songs as close to original as possible, and that means getting those falsetto harmonies in there as well. I've heard one song, but I'm not going to share it, because I can't truly confirm that it really is The Dee Gees doing it. I saw someone post that Barry Gibb actually shared the video, but I didn't verify that, so you will just have to wait until Record Store Day to hear anything, unless the have a surprise release of a track or two. I can tell you from what I heard, it really does sound like Dave Grohl singing in a Barry Gibb esque falsetto, and they do a really good job of getting everything right. Oh, and if you didn't figure out the name yet, it's a play on Dave Grohl's initials D G. 

     Ok, I take it back. I just found this very short teaser video from Record Store Day Canada, that is a promo for the album with the song over it that I heard, so you will get a short sample after all.

     Ok, I feel like I successfully avoided that subject I was talking about above, and kept this lighthearted instead of putting a little controversy into your lives, so I'm going to end this now before I give into temptation. Peace in and goodnight.

A Much Better Week

      This week, everything has been back to normal. I've been pain free and it seems all has passed. I'm going to remain diligent though and keep my eyes and ears open for anything that might come up. I was also able to walk this week, and it wasn't the same dread that it had been, Maybe that was my mind telling me something was on the way. The lake trail was lonely as usual, with I think only two days I was out there, there were other people on the trail. I did walk every day as well, even though I hit goal of 50 km on Saturday. I just felt like I really needed to be out there, and today there was absolutely no one on the trail with me. I did only do one lap as opposed to my normal 2, and I was ok with that. I didn't have that same anxiety, like I should be doing more. It was refreshing unlike the weeks leading up to the kidney stones. Maybe that brief dance with pain gave me a different perspective on things.

     I got all but one of the plants in the ground, but I am not finished at all with the garden. The one I left out was the Desert Rose. A friend of mine told me that it likes shallow pots, this also adds up with what I read about it. You should treat it similar to a cactus. I could technically plant it in the ground, and it could thrive, if I keep it somewhat dry (that would not be in the garden), but I can keep the size down if I find the right pot for it, and maybe make it a highlight in the garden. I'm considering making a stand for the pot that I get, and raising it above the garden. I have to find the right pot first. This is what the garden looks like currently.

     It looks like a disaster, but it is truly a work in progress. That big open area is right for another one or two plants, and I have to figure out the right ones to go there. The nursery pots that are in there are the pots the plants came in, and until I make markers (or maybe not) I'm leaving those there so I know the names of each plant. I did take pictures of each pot with the plant it belongs to so I have a record of it, regardless of what I do. I'm planning on putting down mulch, but I'm not going to do that until everything is in the ground where it needs to be. This is a lesson I learned form the last time. It's a giant pain to scrape mulch away and then dig up a hole to plant, then try to get all the mulch back around the base. So the garden will look like trash until the time is right. I'll get those final shots when it's all done. Oh, that planter right in the front with the lush looking plant, is actually one of my peppers in a can. That is the caramel reaper. I finally transplanted it a few weeks ago, and it's looking really good. I just transplanted the berry cream that I also had in a can yesterday. Those were the only two cans that made it this far. I never got a pepper from either one of them, because they were just too small to produce anything. The great thing about using that can method, is that the root ball was amazing. Once the roots have a chance to spread out, the berry cream will grow like that caramel reaper. That caramel reaper tripled in size in the span of a week. I'm hoping the berry cream does the same.

     Speaking of reapers. I got the first reaper of the season from my plant this week. I'm planning on putting it on burgers tomorrow, which will probably not go very well, because my tolerance is way down. I'm planning on making two patties, but only putting the reaper on one. If I had it spread out on two, I may not be able to finish both burgers. No matter what anyone tells you, reapers are a whole other level of hot. There's hot, like ghosts and morugas and things like that, then there is a big gap and then there is the reaper. There are hotter peppers out there ( I haven't had them yet ), so that might be a whole other level above reapers. I'll get there eventually.

     If you remember, a few weeks ago I told you about how one of the YouTubers I follow had their channel hacked. Well, he has it back and has created this weeks Favorite Song of the Week. This is a bit of a rare video for him. He generally does videos targeting bad guitar players, and then giving them what he calls Shreddemption. Basically he puts their bad playing into a song and he plays over it with some epic skills. This week he did a cover with a singer and it is absolutely amazing. This video really highlights the skills that he has, that are truly above most mortals. I just want to mention that he does the entire backing track as well. Usually it's through a music program that he can program drums, synth, bass, and what not, then he plays his own guitar parts. Rhythm, lead, doubling, and all that good stuff. With all that in your head, I give you Stevie T, with the help of Anthony Vincent doing a cover of the new Billie Eilish song, "Your Power".

     I had to watch that video a second time immediately after watching it the first time. I would say that Stevie out did himself this time, but that would just not be true. The guy is rich with talent and skill when it comes to the guitar, and music in general. His talent also expands into his video skills as well. Up until recently, he did all the shooting and editing of his videos. He has someone to edit them now, which frees him up to play more guitar and do videos like that one above. I highly recommend checking his channel out. Most of his videos are musically themed with a good helping of comedy thrown in. I also recommend you look up the original song by Billie Eilish and you can decide which one you like better. Billie's is more simplistic with an acoustic guitar and her usually whispery vocals. To me, both are fantastic, and depending on my mood, I could like one above the other and then change my mind the next day. That's the beauty of music, there is something for everyone and it can always give you some kind of feeling. Peace in and goodnight.

The Week From Hell

      Yep, the title says it all. I have two things I want to talk about. First really isn't about the title but something I feel may be long overdue, and the second is definitely where the title is derived from.

     Ok, let's kick this off. As you know I quit drinking some time ago. It's just around 4 and a half years now. I don't think I ever went into detail on why I quit and everything that went along with quitting. I know I've mentioned some things, but not all of them. I was very good at drinking, too good in fact. I wasn't the angry drunk, I was more of the fun drunk. Despite the over drinking and never being able to have just one, I never got black out drunk. I was always very aware of what was going on and what I was doing. I can also assure you that the old adage that alcohol brings out the true person, is a lie. Alcohol allowed me to wear a mask and be someone I really wasn't. Drunk me was very much a mask. If I did something a little crazy or offbeat, I knew what I was doing, I also knew I could blame it on drinking. The lifting of inhibitions was more of an allowance to blame it on something else. That was one of the reasons I quit, I got tired of playing that part. It was very exhausting.

     Another main reason was that more than often I would finish each night throwing up to get rid of excess alcohol before it was assimilated into my system. This is also why I never got black out drunk. After throwing up, I would more than likely end up going to sleep on the bathroom floor, not because I passed out there, but because the cool tile felt good on my skin. I would always get hot when I drank, not sure if that was some kind of side affect or just something that happened with me. I do have a higher core temperature than most people. My skin is often hot to the touch. I hate throwing up (more on that very subject later). Despite that I would make myself vomit to get it out before it could fully take hold. I actually got to the point that I was throwing up blood near the end. Once again, very exhausting. 

    The last reason was that I began seeing drinking as getting me nowhere, and I was just repeating each weekend over and over again. Not to mention the money it was costing me each week. I was easily looking at a $75 tab each night of the weekend I went out. That was usually the lowest amount. Add it up and it comes to a lot of money to literally throw up down the drain.

    When I finally made up my mind, there was no turning back for me. I was actually really proud of myself that day. Of course I still couldn't have just one, but I did go in and said to myself that I would only have two and those would be the last two I would have, and I stuck to it. I do know the date and I'm sure there is something mystical about the number when I look at it now 1/7/17. I didn't even think about it at the time, I just chose that day because it was a Saturday after one of the most inebriated New Years I've ever had. That New Years opened up my mind a little more than I expected it to. There were some growing pains when I quit. I had to change my objective for each week, which had become make it to Friday so you can go to the bar. It became what am I going to do on the weekend to stay out of the bar, and what lie am I going to tell people when they ask me to the bar? I should have just started out with "I quit drinking, sorry I just can't go to a bar right now", but I always came up with some other excuse. Hindsight teaches me now, that was the wrong approach, because I believe I alienated a lot of friends. This was part of how I ended up incredibly lonely and spiteful. I thought people abandoned me because I wasn't drinking anymore. There were some that did for sure, but most of them just got tired of asking me and me making up excuses for why I wouldn't go out. If I had it to do over again, I would have just said I quit drinking for my health and leave it at that. 

     It took me several months before I would step into a bar again, and I mean basically a bar that was a restaurant. I don't think I've stepped in an actual bar since I quit. I'd have to think a lot harder than I'm willing to do right now to figure that out. In the end, this was the right thing for me, because as good as I was at drinking, in all reality I was terrible at it, for the simple fact that I didn't have enough control over it to go out and have just one.

     Going cold turkey worked for me, but I don't suggest doing that, if you want to quit, get help. Being lonely is not the way to go. Like I said, I would have done things differently if I had to do it over again. If you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to me. I can tell you more about my experience and give you support, but I will always suggest getting professional help.

      Now it's time for the horror story. I woke up at around 2 AM Monday morning with s dull but very persistent pain in my left lower back. This started peaking my anxiety, because my mind immediately when to worse case scenario. My first thought was that my kidney was failing. I began looking things up that it could be. I started marking off symptoms. The only one I had was that dull persistent pain. Blood in the urine, nope, nausea (not yet) nope, headaches (also not yet) nope, fever, not at all. It was all very confusing to me. I reached out to a friend of mine that is a nurse and they told me everything it could be and based on my symptoms it was most likely kidney stones, but to keep listening to my body for any other signs and reach out if something changed. Very little changed during the day. The pain did eventually migrate to my abdomen, which was a good sign. Pointing more and more to kidney stones. It later began migrating to my groin. From there it would go back and forth from lower abdomen to groin, That's when the nausea bagan. I was going to just drink water and fast that day, but my friend suggested eating so as not to stress the body more than necessary. Turns out that really wasn't much of an option. I couldn't hold anything down. I threw up once the first day (which is what prompted talking about my drinking as per earlier), then the second day I was nauseous the whole day throwing up twice. The second time I had to drink extra water just so I had something in my stomach to come up.

     Let me tell you, contrary to popular opinion, passing kidney stones sucks. It is absolutely the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life (not sure I'm complete over it at this point in time) The kidney pain was bearable, but when it hit the groin, there was no getting around that pain, it was there and it is what caused the nausea. All that being said, I do consider myself lucky. The majority of the pain was gone after Tuesday, with only phantom pains, and the occasional half hour of really uncomfortable pain. The last of which I experienced last night. Today has been pain free, but I'm still not complete sure that I've passed all the stones. There is also the fact that I never caught any stones in a strainer and so I gave up any hope of that. More than likely the stone or stones broke down into much smaller pieces that could fit through the strainer. There is also the fact that I have a strange feeling in my, well we will go with urethra. I think a piece of the stone itself is lodged right now. It's not uncomfortable, it's just very much there, and slowly working it's way through. Where it was on Thursday is not where I feel it right now. I do think I know what caused it, or at the very least have it narrowed down to two things. Both of which I have changed my habits about and we will see if that changes things for the better. There really is no real way of knowing for me what it was, and how long ago it began, but I'm going to keep these adjustments in place and see if it happens again, that is all I can do at this point. Let this be a lesson to you. Listen to your body, when you talk to someone about what is going on, tell them everything. They can't help you if you aren't fully honest with them. No detail is too small in order to get the right diagnoses.

     Now that all the heavy stuff is over with. I do have one picture for you before I go. I've let the garden go to pot, so I'm going to be spending this week getting it back in shape. I went to the nursery to get some soil and new flowers for the garden, and it was also the first time I went anywhere without a mask. Don't worry, the nursery is all out doors, and the have personal distancing in the little checkout are, which is an open air hut. I felt comfortable there without a mask since I was outdoors, and I still kept my distance from people. If I saw I was going to cross someones path at a crossroads, I would hold back a little and let them pass before I would go. It was real simple to do. Anyway I got a few flowers to plant in the garden. I went with flowers intstead of vegetables, because I wanted plenty of eye popping color, and I think I did a decent job for a small budget.

     I don't have all the names at hand but the yellow are lantanas, the blue ones in the front are You Blue My Mind (got them mostly for the awesome name). The pink one at the top is the splurge. It really stood out to me, and when I saw what it was, I just had to get it for the garden. It should be a challenge to grow. It is a Desert Rose. Not sure if you know, but that is a rather fabled flower. Usually there is a lot of mysticism and magic surrounding the name. There was no information there about it, so I have to look up if it likes somewhat dry conditions (desert=s dry), so for that reason I think it will be a challenge to grow. I am going to look up all the information on it, so that I can give it the best chance I am able to. Once I get the garden back up to shape, I'll take pictures for you and have all the names.

     It's now time for Favorite Thing of the Week. No video or picture or anything this week, just a simple television viewing recommendation. New to Netflix this week is a show based on a DC Comic book called Sweet Tooth. I'm not going to give you all the details because I think it is a show you really need to experience without knowledge of it. The basics are, that it takes place during and after a pandemic that wipes out a very large portion of the population, but there is also something else. At the time time the virus is going on, babies that are being born are being born as human/animal hybrids, and that is all I will tell you about the show. The show is executive produced by Robert Downey Jr, and his wife Susan, so I"m hoping doesn't pull a one and done like they did with Jupiter's Legacy and cancel it. I'm sure the Downey's will push for a season 2. I did manage to finish the whole season in 2 days since Netflix's new thing is seasons that are no more than 10 episodes long, and more and more they are 6 and 8. Sweet Tooth is 8 episodes. I have a lot to say about that , but I'll save it for some other time. When you have some free time and watch something very unique and fun to watch, give it  a try. Peace in and goodnight.