The Key Is Happiness

     How was this weekend? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Up and down doesn't really describe it. My mom has been more distant and removed from herself than usual lately, but I've learned how to cope to keep her at ease for the most part. The anger spikes diminish quickly, and then a whole new range of emotions come up, which I have also weaved my way around. Dietary and physical need of my own have been met with enthusiasm. I'm healthier physically than I believe I ever have been. Mentally and emotionally are harder to discern. Mentally I'm in a mixed bag. My mind is more clear and focused, but I'm still caged by what goes on with my mom. Emotionally it is similar. I sometimes feel outside of myself and only playing a part to get through each day. I think that is more of a way of compartmentalizing what is going on. Since when I'm with my mom, I am not who I really am, it makes it easier if I just play the role of the person that works in the facility she is in. I think it saves me a mental breakdown. It also makes it a little easier, (not a whole lot) when she bad mouths me, or her "brother" (once again, I'm the brother) to the guy that works there. Tonight is a good example. As she was walking to her room to go to bed she said, that her brother was no good and made a raspberry sound. I let it go of course and didn't acknowledge it, but it still hits and lands. Once again, I know that it is simply her dementia and confusion, but still stings.

     Back to my mental and physical well being. I have amplified my workouts quite a bit. When I installed the pull-up station, I couldn't only do 2 pull-ups. I am now up to 5 in multiple sets. When I say multiple sets, I mean 5 to 8 sets. I alternate between pull-ups and chin-ups. If you don't know the difference, pull is with an over grip, and chin is with an under grip. I am now able to do push-ups again, which was killing me due to that shoulder pain. The pain is still there, but not so much that it keeps me from doing anything. I've began running on top of my daily cardio. This has also made me commit to alternate rest days. That is ok, rest is just as important as working out. I'm noticing more and more changes in my body, not only in the mirror but with measurements as well. I've began more leg based calisthenics workouts, to build my legs back up, and it seems to be working. Then there is the daily meditation. That has been a huge difference in my life. I believe that is the reason that I'm able to take more and more things in stride. The garden helps too, and I'll have more on that in a second. The daily 20 minutes of meditation (actually it's longer, but 20 minutes is the timer I set) is now something I will do until I for some reason can't physically or mentally do it. As long as I can get up, sit down, and stay that way for 20 minutes it will be done. I'm thinking about writing a piece for the website about meditation, and how it has benefited me in my overall body. Yes, I'm no longer calling it weight loss journey. I'm as close to the end of weight loss as I can be, and I'm redirecting towards that overall body appearance that I want. That means I will actually probably gain weight, but I'll be losing body fat. I've already documented how I've done it in the last month or so. It is possible, and can be done with the right amount of dedication and work.

     Let's talk about the garden. I had a stressful situation on Friday night. I did a feeding of nutrients to all the pepper plants in the ground and then watered them in. This is how you do it, but when I walked out a few ours later, all of them had wilted. I was broken. I thought for sure that I had killed just about every plant that was in the ground. I texted my buddy to see what he thought, and he thought it could have been overwatering, which I thought could be the case as well. I decided there was nothing I could do, and just went to sleep. The next morning I woke up and right before my run at 4:45 in the morning, I checked them all. They had sprung back to life. It was some kind of shock from the feeding and watering. I guess it's like when you have a big, good meal. You tend to wilt and fall asleep on the couch. I guess it's not much different for plants. I was elated when the sun came out, and they were all fully back to their green and leafy selves.

     I don't remember if I told you, but I finally got a taste of one of my home grown tomatoes. The Cherry Red has been dropping fruit, which I thought was weird, but since it keeps dropping them, I think it's the plants way of saying, "Hey, take these and eat them.". I do have to let them ripen up a little each time though, but it's only a couple of days, and the taste. They are mildly sweet with a nice tanginess to them. They are so good. I should mention that I have my first Cherokee Purple growing right now.

     It's about the size of a bean right now, but I'm super excited about it. These are the ones that get a deep purplish red in color, and are the size of your hand. Out of the 4 plants that I have, the one this is on, seems to be the most productive. There are several more flowers open or getting ready to open on it, and that means more tomatoes. The others have some buds forming, so they may begin fruiting soon as well.

     The Scotch Bonnets are still ripening, and I've been leaving the one I want seed from on it to hang out. While those are doing their thing, I have two other plants that have produced pods. My Bulgarian Carrot, which produces a bright orange pepper that resembles a carrot has one pod and several flowers either bloomed or budding, and my Jemez Pueblo has 3 pods growing with several more on the way. I do have two other plants that are beginning to have buds, and I'm hoping they will produce as well. They are the Purple UFO, which has purple peppers, and the Rainforest, which I don't remember what the pods look like.. Ok just looked it up, and it's bright red. I can't wait to try these peppers out. I think they are all mild to medium heat, which won't get me making any videos, but they should be tasty. Oh yeah, I believe I've had peppers or my moruga salt in every meal I've eaten lately. The burn is so good. I never thought in a million years that I would be a pepper head. Who would have guessed that I would like spicy food? It used to kill me.

     Oh yeah, no video this week, and I'm not sure when the next one will be, but I have a good one coming in the future. I got some exciting news from my buddy that got me into this whole new grow lifestyle and his wife got something that will really light us up. I'm not going to tell you what it is, and save it for when we do the video, but this just might be the spiciest thing that we have eaten to date. It should make for a real entertaining and funny video.

     I guess it's time to update you on my crush. I did say I would update you if there was any news, and there is. Can you guess what it is? I really wish there was a way that you could guess before reading this, but the honor system isn't what it used to be, so I'm just going to assume that you didn't guess and will just say that you knew it. Well here it is. She did exactly what I thought she would do, and try to talk me out of asking her out. She told me that she did that a long time ago. It's a self defense mechanism that she has. I get it, but I wasn't going for it. I just made a little joke of it, and told her, that since she was trying to talk me out of asking her to dinner, what did she think about coffee. I got my reply about an hour or so before writing this. Her reply was that she was more in line with food. That's a good thing right? I mean that's not a no. I already know the answer, because I went with it and asked her to dinner. I got that reply while I was writing this. It's going to happen, we just have to find a time when we are both available. I'm going to have to be real creative with how I do this. It has to be late evening for me. That way I can get my mom to sleep, turn off all the lights in the house, so that I can leave for a few hours. If she wakes up while I'm gone and the lights are off, she will just assume that it's not time to wake up, and go back to sleep. This can work. I see no other way of making this happen, since I have no one that can sit with her for the time I need. This will be good for me as well. I can get out for a short period of time and actually be with other people. I've had a friend over for a short amount of time, but I'm here and I always have one eye and ear on what my mom is doing, so it's stressful. It is a little freedom, but freedom with a cost. This will be as well. I'm sure the entire time I'm the date, I will be worried that something goes wrong, so I'm already setting up the good vibes for things to go right when the time comes. Can you believe it, I may actually go on a date again.

     Last bu not least, I wanted to leave you with a picture of my dinner tonight. The reason is, there was a lot of homegrown items in it. I made ground pork that I seasoned with oregano from the garden, fresh. I just pulled the leaves and minced it up. It added such a great natural flavor to the pork. I also added several diced tomatoes from my buddy, and that only added more flavor. It was flavor on top of flavor. I added broccoli cuts and cauliflower, roasted with garlic powder and salt, and then after I plated it all, I sprinkled my moruga salt on everyone on my plate. I can't tell you how fantastic it was. Super healthy and wonderfully spicy. It doesn't look like much, but trust me, it was amazing.

     It looks like such a tiny portion, but that is a 10 inch diameter plate, and it was filled. Who says eating keto is bland? Not me. Peace in and goodnight.

Going Out Of My Comfort Zone

     You read that title correctly, and on New Year's Day, I woke up very early; did cardio, meditate, send a message to a crush, worked out, and read. Oh yeah, that send a message to a crush was the very big out of my comfort zone act.

     It's a new year/decade and if there isn't a time to change some direction better than day one of a new decade, I don't know what is. Yes, I did the unthinkable for me. I didn't hide behind some vague post, or written word. I didn't just admire from a far, with no hopes of ever being not a far. What is not a far? Up close, that doesn't sound very eloquent. A far has such panache. Up close seems rather droll. Anyway, very early in the morning, I'm talking 5 am, I sent a message on Instagram to a woman I've known for several years, and quite frankly had a crush on, but never ever ever acted on it. She used to work at a place I used to frequent, and we had a playful back and forth banter. We had this thing were we would argue over who was going to stay home and take care of the housework and who would work for the living. Both of us wanted to stay home. I always argued that I was a great cook and she should come over for dinner some time. There was a real part of me that meant it. I wanted to ask her to dinner, and that was my easy way out of rejection. If I made it a joke, it didn't count, and I wouldn't feel the sting. So I wrote that note, thought about it, and then hit send. There was not turning back. I would let it go and think nothing of it. She would either laugh it off, and not respond, or simply not respond. I took a shot and I had no regrets.

     Oh, I have to tell you about last night. I decided to eat one of he red moruga scorpions that my buddy left for me. They had finally ripened, and if you saw the video, you know that I didn't get much of a burn from the one he brought for the video. I was disappointed, but a little relieved. I did not feel that way last night. That thing was insane, and much hotter than even the chocolate moruga. Since it wasn't a challenge, I went ahead and drank water after about 3 or 4 minutes. I'm not sure if the water made it worse, but spreading the capsaicin around, but it did get worse. My stomach turned in knots, my legs started to get all jittery and for the first time, I felt like puking. I'm glad to report, that I didn't puke, but I felt like it. It was a very strange feeling. The pepper had a sweet taste to it, but when I bit into it, the juice shot straight to the back of my throat, so the burn was immediate. Left me with very little time to enjoy the flavor of the pepper. The burn lingered for a good half hour, and then even an hour later, there was this strange sensation that, well you know when you eat hot pizza and burn the roof of your mouth, and it feels skin hanging down? That's what the roof of my mouth felt like. It wasn't the case, but it felt that way. My stomach turned in knots in waves. It would get real intense, then calm down to nothing, and then flare up intense again. It was wild. I do feel like I learned a lesson from this experience, and it wasn't to not eat super hot peppers again. It was to make sure that I don't do it on an empty stomach, and have something ready that is substantial to eat afterwards. Lesson learned, and learning is half the battle.

     I had more seeds pop, and I'm really excited about one in particular. It is Snap Dragons. Here is the thing. My grandmother, the greatest woman in the world, grew Snap Dragon in her little garden around her house. That is why when my buddy said he had Snap Dragon seeds. I jumped at the chance to get some and grow them myself. I almost missed the sprout, because it is near microscopic. The seeds are like a grain of salt, so it makes sense that the sprout would be tiny, but I really had no idea it would be this small.

     You have to look middle left and maybe zoom in a bit to see it. That tiny little green y in the see of brown and white is it. It's hard to believe that such a lush and full plant starts from that tiny little sprout. Nature is amazing, and this is so much fun seeing little baby plants grow up to something I can eat. Yes, I know it sounds barbaric when I put it that way, but it's exactly what I'm going to do. Not the Snap Dragons, but just about everything else.

     I just have to share a picture of my dinner tonight. I added the moruga salt to it, and it was delicious, but I didn't put enough on. I got a little lip burn, but that was it. I need a little more burn than that now, which is crazy to say. Anyway, here is tonights, dinner.

     Grilled chicken tenders, Roasted asparagus with nutritional yeast, and fried okra. Man, that okra is so good. I put the pepper salt on the okra and chicken. Really great flavor but little burn. Oh, I gave my buddy his little vile of pepper salt, and he tried it and loved it. I'm looking forward to making more of it, with different peppers. Maybe I can turn this into a business. Anyone think pepper salt would be a thing you want? You really can feel the burn with enough on food. By itself you get instant burn, that starts in your throat and slowly makes it's way to your lips. Hangs out on the lips for about 15 minutes and then it's gone. It has the wonderful flavor of the yellow moruga, and a light toasted flavor from the frying process. It's really good.

     I'm sure you are going mad at this point wondering why I didn't tell you what happened with the message to my crush. That was by design. I had to keep you reading didn't I. She responded, and in a way that I thought she would respond. She told me once that she has a defense mechanism in place where if someone comes on to her, she laughs it off as if they are crazy. That is exactly how she responded. She couldn't believe that I have a crush. There's something wrong with me (there is, but not that), and had no idea that I had this crush. She remembered our little banter, which surprised me, since it's been almost 3 years since I've talked to her in person. I've only left a comment here and there on some of her posts. Ok, this hasn't played out completely yet, and I'm still working up the courage to actually ask her out. It's getting closer and I will update you as it comes about in following posts. Here is the thing though. I'm not banking on this. Do I want it? Yes. Do I know that the world won't end if she says no. Yes, and that is the major difference in be today in 2020 as opposed to me in every other year of my life. I feared rejection, to the point that I wouldn't even bother taking the risk of asking unless I felt it was an absolute yes. With my body image, I felt no one in their right mind would want to date me, that has changed a bit. I still have a problem with my body, and January 1st didn't help. I took accountability shots, and I look horrible. I took them outside with my phone, and they are slightly overexposed, so I'm washed out, and not showing any definition at all. I know this isn't how I really look, but with my body image, it shook me. Despite all that, I'm still glad that I sent that message, and I'm excited for which ever way the outcome is. I took a blind step outside of my comfort zone, and it wasn't a bad thing at all. Peace in and goodnight.

   

Pepper Salt, What

     Today was a really good day. I woke up late, yeah that means 5:15. I made up for it yesterday by waking up at 3:45. I'm doing this without an alarm by the way. It's crazy cool. Anyway, things seemed to workout great with my mom today. I doubt it was any way I fed her, but she was in great spirits today, and definitely argumentative at all, which is always a great day.

     I've been garden focused the last couple of days, and doing some replanting, seed planting, and moving things around. I did promise you a picture of the brussel sprouts. I want to share a picture of what they originally looked like first though, just so you can see how much they have grown.

     That's them in the bags, well four of the bags. Strawberries are in the other two. Here is what they look like now.



     Big difference right? I still have to move them to a new location, since they are outgrowing that area real fast. I also need to take some of those bottom leaves off so that they are ready for the sprouts.

      I started out the morning as I usually do, cardio, meditation, then check on all the plants. After that was done, it was time to dry some peppers. Since my buddy brought me so many, I took half the yellow moruga, some of the hottest peppers in the bad, and dried them out in the oven. This was my first time doing this and I was worried about baking them and ruining the whole thing. Everything worked out though. That's the dried peppers over there. I found a mortar and pestle and a local store that worked out way easier than I thought it would to grind those peppers up into powder. The idea, was that I would mix this with salt, and have the ultimate spicy/salty mix. It did not disappoint. I tried it alone, and you get that nice salty flavor for a second or two, before the pepper punches you in the throat. The burn starts there, and then slowly works its way to the front of you mouth and finally your lips. It's not super intense like eating the pepper by itself, but it's spicier than any cayenne pepper you have had, I'll tell you that. 11 peppers gave me enough to fill 3 little Real Salt containers. I mixed them 50/50 with the salt already in there, and I think next time I may go 75/25 in favor of the pepper. I had it on my taco meat tonight and it was fire. I loved it.

     We went to the plant nursery today in hopes that the Farmer's Market would be open and we could get some of that amazing sauerkraut, but it was closed, and I was bummed, but we did get a few plants for the front garden. I wanted some mint, since mint detracts bugs, and a few flowers to attract pollinators. This is how it looks now.



     Not bad for someone who knows nothing about gardening. Oh, that's mom standing on the lefthand side there. The one pepper in the top left, has a pod growing. If it fully ripens it's going to be a real pretty pepper. Not very hot, but a deep rich red, and it is supposed to be 4-5 inches long. I can't wait to try it out. Two of the sunflowers that I planted in there have sprouted as well. They still haven't dropped the seed shell yet, so you can't see them, unless you zoom in real close on the top left hand corner of the wall. You can see the tiny little sprout and seed shell in the dark spot. The one in the middle is even smaller and hasn't fully broken the ground yet. I'm waiting for the final one in the top right hand corner to make it's move, but it's taking it's time.

     I got more seeds today. These are herbs that are going to eventually end up in the front yard. The first one is Marshmallow. Yes, before Marshmallow was a sugary waste of calories, it was an actual medicinal herb that today's marshmallows are derived from. I'm really looking forward to growing this and actually tasting it, to see what real marshmallow tastes like. The other is Honeywort. I can't remember what its supposed to taste like, but it has these really neat cone shaped flowers that bees just adore. Bees means pollination, and I love bees and pollination.

     Over the last couple of days, I've had several seeds sprout, too many to really get into, but two of them I'm pretty excited about. The Chocolate Cherry Sunflower, and the Tongues of Fire bean. This is my second attempt with the Tongues of Fire, so I'm super stoked that it finally popped. I gave one of my Chocolate Cherry sunflower pods to my buddy, for his daughters flower garden. Every little girl should have garden with a chocolate cherry sunflower in it. It's growing pretty fast, and I'll be potting it in the next couple of days. Which reminds me, my other sunflowers are doing pretty fantastic themselves. I've planted them in the ground now, because they were already outgrowing their pots, in just a matter of a week. They are going to be huge.

     Last but not least is my Favorite Thing of the Week. Yeah, we are doing a thing this week and it is probably my favorite thing of the year, and I've had a year of really great things happen. My weight loss is really big, and I expect to take my body transformation to new heights in this new decade, but that isn't it. My Favorite Thing of the Week, is my new found love of eating super hot peppers. I never in a million years believed that I would be eating hot peppers. If I ate a jalapeño, it was too much for me, and I would have to stop eating, to get over the heat. Now, I add super hot peppers to my eggs, or burgers or taco meat, or really anything. It's truly incredible. Me and my buddy, who is responsible for getting me into peppers, made a little video of us eating a couple of super hots, and one of them is considered the official hottest pepper in the world. Watch the video below to see how that goes.



     I would normally talk about the video a little, but I really want you to watch it, so I'm not giving away any spoilers here. I will explain the thumbnail though. I forgot to take a picture of the peppers before we filmed and all I had was a picture of the bag of peppers, so I used that. I know they aren't the peppers that we ate, but it works for a good thumbnail.

     Well, this is the final post of this year, and I hope you have enjoyed the ups and downs of my life. The new year will bring more joy and sorrow, and I will write all about it. See you next year. Yeah, I know it's a lame joke, but it's the only enjoyment I get to have. Have a wonderful New Year's day, and I'll see you on the other side. Peace in and goodnight.

I Got Peppers

 
     My Cherry Red decided to drop these tomatoes before they were ripe. I wanted them to vine ripen, but we don't always get what we want. They are currently in the kitchen ripening up and waiting to go into my belly.

     I haven't forgotten that I need to talk about the new Star Wars movie tonight, but there's a few other things I'm going to get to first.

     My buddy hooked me up. He brought over two good sized ziplock bags full of peppers and tomatoes. I had run out of peppers, and I'd eaten the one Scotch Bonnet that had ripened, so I was missing having peppers in my scrambled eggs. I have plenty to last me now.

     He also dropped off a few more seedlings of some pretty cool peppers plants. One of them is this real interesting looking jalapeño that has corking on it. It makes it look a little aged, and very cool. If I can get it to produce, I'll share pictures with you. Oh yeah, I'll get pictures of those pepper and tomatoes bags for you on Tuesday. Just haven't gotten around to taking any yet.

     I just finished putting together a new pepper video. Yes, my buddy brought some special peppers to eat for a video. Listen the editing on this is very simple. I cut the beginning and end to fit. This time I added a little extra footage over top of my own Scotch Bonnet plant. It's just over 12 minutes long, so It should take a couple of hours to upload. That means I will wait to do it overnight tonight, and have it go live on Tuesday so I can put it in Tuesday nights post. I won't give anything away, but I ate two peppers for this one. A Red Moruga Scorpion, and the beast of all peppers (officially), the Carolina Reaper. You will have to wait for the video to go live on Tuesday to see just what happens to me, and why I ended up eating two peppers instead of just the one.

   

     That right there is the picture I was trying to post on Thursday night, but had no luck. What you can't see in that photo, is how enormous my brussel sprouts are now. I'll get a picture of the for Tuesday as well, but I'll probably move them soon. They are filling up the whole area they are in now, and I need to move them so they have more room. I had to move the strawberry and tomato plants I had in there with them so they would have more room and they filled that area up fast. Those pepper plants are out there to get a little more sun so that they can build up their strength and then get moved to the front yard. The ones in bags are staying out back and the one on the far right is my fish pepper, which has grown since that picture. It's taken off since putting it in it's own grow bag. I've had several seeds sprout, including the chocolate cherry sunflower, which has a really neat red stem. I'm still waiting on the peppers I planted in peat pods. This was my first time using that type of set up, so I'm anxious to see how they work out. My buddy uses them with great success.

     Ok, let's talk about Star Wars. I really enjoyed the movie. It was my whole childhood coming to a culmination. It was a little sad because the R2-D2 and C-3PO saga is now complete. Yes, I know that it's being called the Skywalker saga, but tell me this. What two characters are in every single movie? That's right, the two droids, so in my eyes, it's their story. It also hit me, that there is a good chance that JJ Abrams named the two lead characters after Howard Sterns parents, Ben and Ray Stern. Yes, Rey the character in the movie is spelled differently but you can not tell me, their names were not the influence for those character names. Ok, the big controversy of the movie, which angered a lot of easily offended people, was the same sex kiss. When I watched the movie, I had that in mind and was ready for this big explosive scene that was in your face. It wasn't. In fact it was so in passing that I was upset that it wasn't the couple I expected it to be. It was a very quick scene as the camera panned through a large group of people. If you don't want any spoilers, stop reading now and pick this up with the next paragraph. You're not looking right? Ok, I'll get on with it. In the first movie it was suspected that Poe Daemon was gay. I got that read from the character as well, especially since he seemed to have a crush on Finn. That lead me to believe, that the big explosive in your face scene was going to be Poe and Finn kissing. That wasn't the case, and I was a bit upset that they seemed to go out of their way to make Poe seem straight despite the obvious jealousy that Poe had of Finn and Rey's relationship, or the way Finn pined over Rey. Maybe that was the set up for the let down of the whole same sex kissing scene. That's just my take anyway. I still really enjoyed the movie.

     Ok, if you skipped that last part, you can come back and read what I wrote after you've seen the movie. Oh, I should give you a weight loss quick update. I do the official weigh in tomorrow morning, so I don't have those numbers for you. I do have some pretty surprising numbers though. I have those fat calipers and pulled a 16.9% body fat, which was a huge shock to me. The last time I checked it I was at 18.5%. That is a huge jump. I decided that I would measure my waist for that good ol' waist to height ration. I pulled a .5. The last numbers I got from that was a .512. That .012 was the difference of a half inch. I lost another half inch on my waist, despite the fact that I weighed in at I think 150 this past Monday. That is more proof that I've been gaining muscle mass and losing fat. It can be done people and I'm doing it in a big way.  

     I think I have fully filled you in, and look forward to that video on Tuesday. Peace in and goodnight.

The Highs And Lows Of Not Having A Life

     Today, was a day from hell. It began with such promise. I woke up a little late, which I've been doing lately, and I need to correct that somehow. Oh, when I say late, I mean 5:30 in the morning. I meditated, gloriously for 40 minutes, and then read. When I wake up late, I don't get in my morning cardio, because right now, the meditation is more important. Sound mind and all. I was excited this morning because I was going to be transplanting some pepper plants. They are strong enough to go into the ground or their own much larger grow bags.

     That's the three new peppers that I planted in the front yard. I'm happy to say, that they are doing great out there. I got those in and I transplanted my Fish Pepper into it's own grow bag. I'm going to be ultra focused on that one, till it produces the peppers. I want it in a grow bag, so I can bring it in the house when it gets too cold for it. I'm not even going to risk putting a blanket over it when we get a freeze. I want that plant to succeed so bad. I'd show you a picture of it, but it doesn't seem to want to load up, which is kind of how the majority of my day went.

     My mom actually slept in late, which I thought was a good sign, but that wan't the case. She began immediately with the confusion and agitated chaos. These are the days that are the worst. I have to be the person that works in the facility she is living in, and even a few more people as well. She becomes very negative, and doesn't want to do anything other than sit around, and that becomes something she complains about as well. It is a no win situation for anyone involved. I do the best I can, which isn't enough, and never will be. It's also days like this that I realize that I have to get away, but there is no way to do that. I think if I had the chance to be away for most of a day, things would change for a little while. Part of the problem is that I'm here all the time, so she has created the illusion in her mind that she is in a facility and that I'm a worker. This illusion takes over to the point that she begins talking about how her son doesn't care about her, and how he just left her in this place. That is such a tough pill to swallow right there. It is hard to hear someone that you are doing your very best to take care of, tell you that you don't care. I know it is just her twisted dementia mind doing this, and is not how she feels if she knew what was going on, but it is a hard reality to face. I keep things at an even keel, because I don't want her flying off the handle, which she has done. No matter how calm I remain, that volatile potential is always there. When her mind gets riled up enough, she will turn violent and ugly. I just do my best to change the subject and stay away from her. I worry that if she hits me, which she has done, that she will hurt herself, so I stay out of reach when she gets that way.

     Let's get on a better subject. I will get to end this day better than it was. Well, that could all be relative to how you see eating a really hot pepper as being good. Anyway, I picked the two ripe Scotch Bonnets today, and plan on eating one of them as soon as I'm done writing this. I'll tell you how it was on Sunday. I'm not doing a video, because this is only a medium heat pepper, and it would be embarrassing if I was floored by a pepper that was only a measly 400,000 shu. Thats about a fifth of the last pepper I ate. I'm especially exited about his one, because I grew it. I wish it was from a seed, but I did get it when it was only a 4 inch plant with a few flowers on it. 

     Look at how beautiful those peppers are. The have bumpy prickly exterior, which screams, "don't eat me, I'm hot.". I'm going to do it anyway. I have 7 more pods behind these with 1 of them ripening now. It's the one I'm going to save the seeds from. It has a cool shape, and I've been told to save the seeds from the pods you like because there are more likely to produce a plant with pods similar to that one.

     It has been a couple of weeks since I've eaten a whole pepper. I've been cutting the last of the super hots my buddy gave me and putting them into meals. I just ate the last of the chocolate moruga scorpion taco meat that I made on Tuesday. It was really good with a nice kick. Nothing like eating the whole pepper though. It was probably habanero level heat, which would put it just below what these peppers are capable of. I still don't believe that will prepare me for what this pepper is going to do. There are so many other flavors and textures in those meals that the capsaicin has to compete with, so it never gets that full burn. I'm expecting this to be a hiccup machine the same way are habaneros are. I'm really surprised I didn't get them as much with the super hots. Different peppers clearly do different things. After I've tried this one, I'm going to dry the rest and grind them down to powder, so that I can sprinkle it on anything I want.  Could be good on ice cream. That would be wild. I would love to do it in a mortar and pestle, but I don't have one yet, so I'm just going to mash it up and make it into flakes for now. I'll put them in a small jar and spoon them out when I want some. The things I'll do to lose body fat. Yes, this pepper thing is really all about the thermogenic affect that peppers have. The hotter the pepper, the more the affect. Also I really enjoy the challenge of doing something that most people won't even consider. It's fun and little addictive, and since I don't have any semblance of a life, I may as well create some excitement any way I can.

     I'm off to eat a pepper now. Peace in and good night.

     

Up, Up, And Away

     It's been a decent couple of days. The mom has sort of leveled out. That could be because I finally got more vitamin D3 with K2. Why would that help. Because vitamin D3 is a very important hormone for brain health. I'm not saying that she is remembering who I am, she is just more calm and not as confused as she has been lately.

     The garden has been up and down the last few days. There are a lot of good things going on. The Scotch Bonnets are ripening (well 2 of them are). Flowers are popping up on multiple peppers, and new growth is abound, but the rain the last few days has taken a toll. I lost one sunflower due to the rain, and the others are hangin on by a thread. I'm being real protective of my pepper plants, and trying my best to move them around to areas that won't get as much rain.

     When the rain started, that wagon was empty, so that is how much rain we got in one night, and it was intermittent during the day and last night. The blueberry and blackberry bushes are loving all the rain, and so are the tomatoes, but the peppers have momentary lapses of wilting due to overwatering. The next two days are supposed to be rain free, so I'm hoping they get a good chance to dry out, as well as the sunflowers. Here is what the garden looks like now. Notice how big the tomatoes have gotten. They are the same size as the Scotch Bonnet now, which tower over them just a week and a half ago.

     The tomatoes are in the upper left of the garden. I've also been working on making a few of my pepper plants more lush and productive by topping them. Topping is just what it sounds like. You cut the top off of it, and take a few leaves from it, to stimulate more growth. The one I want to be the fullest is the Fish Pepper. That is the one that has those beautiful variegated leaves. This is what it looks like now.

     In a week or so, I will take more of the larger leaves off so that the smaller shoots around the stock will get more sunlight. If things go right, in two months, that plant will be full and lush and ready to produce fruit. If it goes wrong, it will die, and I'll be bummed. My biggest fear isn't that it will die, it's that I took all those variegated leaves off and the new ones won't get that beautiful splotching on them. I guess we'll find out when we find out.

     I got some more seeds yesterday. This time from a company called Refined Chiles. I ordered three packs of super hots, so that I can have some insanely hot peppers for more videos. The guy who runs the company is known for sending out free seeds. I didn't really expect any because it was my first time buying from him, but he sent me 4 extra packs of seeds, all super hots, and all pretty cool. I planted double pods of just about all of them. The only one that I didn't was one that I already have growing, which is the 7 Pot Brain Strain. I have a couple of seedlings going now, from the peppers that my buddy gave me, so I didn't need multiple more plants of that variety. All of these peppers are guaranteed to be burners, and a few of them are on the tippy top of the scale. It's going to be an exciting time when they finally produce fruit.

     It's been a while since I shared a picture of myself, for many reasons. Most of all is that I hate taking pictures of myself. Despite all the weight loss, I don't feel like I look good. I have many body issues, that being top of the list, so taking pictures of myself is torture, but I'm getting better at feeling that it's ok. So, here I am as of yesterday. Oh, I did post this on Instagram yesterday.

     I weighed in that day at 150 lbs, so my current weigh loss has stalled slightly. I expected that to happen though, so I'm not worried or discouraged at all. Since I've been right around 150 or slightly lower for a couple of weeks now, it will break soon. I did do a 24 hour impromptu fast today, and will probably be doing another a little later this week. I've skipped on a 48 hour that I was going to do last week, but I'll be doing that soon as well. I don't feel that my metabolism has slowed, since I finally have body fat calipers. My body fat % is at 18.5, which is way below what I started at. I have no real idea what it truly was, but I know I was at 39% at one point during my journey to where I am now. So, that is a minimum of 20% loss in fat. I've been keeping an eye on that percentage and my waist to height ratio, and those are still moving in the minus category, so even though the scale says I'm not losing weight, I am losing body fat, which means that I am gaining muscle as I lose weight. Pretty epic right.

     Before I give you my Favorite Song of the Week (and it's a good one), I have one more picture for you today. I forgot that I have a progress photo on the Scotch Bonnets, so here it is.

     Now for Favorite Song of the Week. I meant to put this up a few weeks ago but things kept getting in the way. From time to time, I reintroduce myself to an old song, and realize just how great it is, and that is the case with this one. I haven't done this in a week or so, but I was putting a bluetooth speaker into the garden when I would sit out there by it with my mom. A little garden listening if you will. One day I decided it was a very Bowie type of day, and just simply had Siri play Bowie. That is when this song came up, and I heard it for the first time all over again. It's light airy and fun. Typical Bowie bending genres to create a fantastically unusual sound. The title even goes with the theme. I give you the one and only legendary icon David Jones, yeah that is his real name. Ok I'll do this the right way. I give you David Bowie with "Kooks".

     How great is that song? Don't answer, I already know you are saying "so great". That is it for me tonight. I hope everyone has a happy holiday, and no I didn't say Christmas, because I don't know you or your religion, so get over it if you don't like it. If I had my way, I wouldn't celebrate this holiday at all, but I will spread good seasonal cheer. Peace in and goodnight.

A New Kind Of Update

     Instead of doing my normal update on how things are going. I'm going to do something just a little different. I'm going to give you that update, but I just wanted to share the beauty of nature a little more.

     Since I started the garden I see this beauty on a daily basis, and some days it just goes by with little notice, but others, it explodes in unique patterns and colors. This will update you on the garden and how it is going and also spread a little joy. Will hopefully joy. I do so love looking at these plants on a daily basis, even on a rainy day like today.

     The first photo I'm going to share is a pepper plant that is really unique, not just in name but also in appearance. It is called a Fish Pepper, and it got it's name because it's first use was adding it's peppers into to fish dishes in the northeast of the U.S. It has theses beautiful variegated leaves that stand out. It freaked me out at first, because I thought it was some kind of mold or nutrient damage. When I looked it up I found out that is how it is supposed to look. I'd love to show you the peppers, but none are present now. The peppers come in several colors with deeper shades of which ever color they are in stripes up and down them. They are truly beautiful and I'll have pictures of those as soon as this little plant produces.



     The next photo is of the herb garden and how it has grown, with a close up of what a runner on a plant looks like. This is from my Chocolate Mint, which has a wonderful smell and taste. This is how these plants reproduce and spread. Mint is rather invasive, so I have to keep a closer eye on it. I don't want it getting much bigger than it is. The top of the picture is Spearmint on the left and Chocolate Mint on the right.



     The last pictures of the beauty of nature are of too flowers that will hopefully turn into fruit. I'm going to do these one at a time instead of doubling up like above. Number one is one of the flowers on the new Ghost Pepper plant. It exploded with buds and flowers within days of being replanted from its original pot from the nursery. I'm really looking forward to these pods, because I want to start making powders so that I can put a little on my food each day. More on all that a little later. Oh, I just realized I'm going to have more than two photos for you in this little beauty in nature update. I will actually have 3. Anyway, here is the Ghost Pepper flower.

     Next is another flower that I was shocked was happening so soon. This is from the Cherokee Purple which in the last week has tripled in size. It started out at about 4 inches tall and now is over a foot in height. I love the smell of tomato leaves. They have a spicy earthy nose to them that is just so relaxing and enjoyable, but the flowers are these pretty little bright yellow rays of sunshine. These will turn into dark purple/red tomatoes that are the size of the palm of your hand. I'm really looking forward to eating these beauties.

     Last of the beauty in nature photos are the Scotch Bonnets. The original two are finally after nearly a month of growth, ripening. The slow drain from top to bottom of color change, going from green to yellow. It is such a fun process to see. Each day a little more color seeps into the pod. I'm really looking forward to these, because I really want to know what they taste like, and they will be the first peppers that I've grown to ripeness.

     In my quest to get more peppers in my life. I've been mincing up the super hots that my body gave me and adding them to dishes. I have also been adding cayenne pepper to just about everything. This is where that pepper powder is going to pay off in spades. cayenne is great, but it doesn't give me that heat that I want. I've become addicted to the burn, and I'm not apologizing for it. Anyway, this was yesterday's meal. Two beef patties with 7 Pot Brain Strain and grass fed, aged white cheddar. The side was fried okra, which was out of this world good.

     It doesn't look like much, but that is a super nutrient dense meal. Let me know if you want the recipe for the fried okra. It's simple and so freaking tasty. The 7 Pot had a great heat to it, and not as bad as eating the whole thing alone, but still quite the kicker and a wonderful thermogenic effect. Once again, capsaicin pumps the adrenals, raises body temperature, and burns fat at a higher than normal rate. The burn is not just your mouth, peppers are a fat burning super food. The hotter the better, and that 7 pot is at least 1 million scoville heat units.

     It's video time. The last video I will have until I get more peppers. My buddy has some red morugas coming, so a new video should be soon. I will also have a video when the Scotch Bonnets are ready, but they are nowhere near as hot as what I'm eating now. It will just be fun to make a video of a pepper that I grew. Here is the hottest pepper I've eaten to date, and it was really really hot.



     I do hope that you enjoy these videos. As painful as it looks (and it is), these are real fun to make. Like I said, I've become addicted to the burn. It is also fun to discover the flavor of these flaming pods of death. Yes, they are ridiculously hot, but they have some very intriguing flavors that are sometimes surprising.

     This wasn't the normal update, and I'll get back to that on Tuesday, but I wanted to end this day in a positive way, and this was the best way I knew how. Peace in and goodnight.