It's a new year/decade and if there isn't a time to change some direction better than day one of a new decade, I don't know what is. Yes, I did the unthinkable for me. I didn't hide behind some vague post, or written word. I didn't just admire from a far, with no hopes of ever being not a far. What is not a far? Up close, that doesn't sound very eloquent. A far has such panache. Up close seems rather droll. Anyway, very early in the morning, I'm talking 5 am, I sent a message on Instagram to a woman I've known for several years, and quite frankly had a crush on, but never ever ever acted on it. She used to work at a place I used to frequent, and we had a playful back and forth banter. We had this thing were we would argue over who was going to stay home and take care of the housework and who would work for the living. Both of us wanted to stay home. I always argued that I was a great cook and she should come over for dinner some time. There was a real part of me that meant it. I wanted to ask her to dinner, and that was my easy way out of rejection. If I made it a joke, it didn't count, and I wouldn't feel the sting. So I wrote that note, thought about it, and then hit send. There was not turning back. I would let it go and think nothing of it. She would either laugh it off, and not respond, or simply not respond. I took a shot and I had no regrets.
Oh, I have to tell you about last night. I decided to eat one of he red moruga scorpions that my buddy left for me. They had finally ripened, and if you saw the video, you know that I didn't get much of a burn from the one he brought for the video. I was disappointed, but a little relieved. I did not feel that way last night. That thing was insane, and much hotter than even the chocolate moruga. Since it wasn't a challenge, I went ahead and drank water after about 3 or 4 minutes. I'm not sure if the water made it worse, but spreading the capsaicin around, but it did get worse. My stomach turned in knots, my legs started to get all jittery and for the first time, I felt like puking. I'm glad to report, that I didn't puke, but I felt like it. It was a very strange feeling. The pepper had a sweet taste to it, but when I bit into it, the juice shot straight to the back of my throat, so the burn was immediate. Left me with very little time to enjoy the flavor of the pepper. The burn lingered for a good half hour, and then even an hour later, there was this strange sensation that, well you know when you eat hot pizza and burn the roof of your mouth, and it feels skin hanging down? That's what the roof of my mouth felt like. It wasn't the case, but it felt that way. My stomach turned in knots in waves. It would get real intense, then calm down to nothing, and then flare up intense again. It was wild. I do feel like I learned a lesson from this experience, and it wasn't to not eat super hot peppers again. It was to make sure that I don't do it on an empty stomach, and have something ready that is substantial to eat afterwards. Lesson learned, and learning is half the battle.
I had more seeds pop, and I'm really excited about one in particular. It is Snap Dragons. Here is the thing. My grandmother, the greatest woman in the world, grew Snap Dragon in her little garden around her house. That is why when my buddy said he had Snap Dragon seeds. I jumped at the chance to get some and grow them myself. I almost missed the sprout, because it is near microscopic. The seeds are like a grain of salt, so it makes sense that the sprout would be tiny, but I really had no idea it would be this small.
You have to look middle left and maybe zoom in a bit to see it. That tiny little green y in the see of brown and white is it. It's hard to believe that such a lush and full plant starts from that tiny little sprout. Nature is amazing, and this is so much fun seeing little baby plants grow up to something I can eat. Yes, I know it sounds barbaric when I put it that way, but it's exactly what I'm going to do. Not the Snap Dragons, but just about everything else.
I just have to share a picture of my dinner tonight. I added the moruga salt to it, and it was delicious, but I didn't put enough on. I got a little lip burn, but that was it. I need a little more burn than that now, which is crazy to say. Anyway, here is tonights, dinner.
Grilled chicken tenders, Roasted asparagus with nutritional yeast, and fried okra. Man, that okra is so good. I put the pepper salt on the okra and chicken. Really great flavor but little burn. Oh, I gave my buddy his little vile of pepper salt, and he tried it and loved it. I'm looking forward to making more of it, with different peppers. Maybe I can turn this into a business. Anyone think pepper salt would be a thing you want? You really can feel the burn with enough on food. By itself you get instant burn, that starts in your throat and slowly makes it's way to your lips. Hangs out on the lips for about 15 minutes and then it's gone. It has the wonderful flavor of the yellow moruga, and a light toasted flavor from the frying process. It's really good.
I'm sure you are going mad at this point wondering why I didn't tell you what happened with the message to my crush. That was by design. I had to keep you reading didn't I. She responded, and in a way that I thought she would respond. She told me once that she has a defense mechanism in place where if someone comes on to her, she laughs it off as if they are crazy. That is exactly how she responded. She couldn't believe that I have a crush. There's something wrong with me (there is, but not that), and had no idea that I had this crush. She remembered our little banter, which surprised me, since it's been almost 3 years since I've talked to her in person. I've only left a comment here and there on some of her posts. Ok, this hasn't played out completely yet, and I'm still working up the courage to actually ask her out. It's getting closer and I will update you as it comes about in following posts. Here is the thing though. I'm not banking on this. Do I want it? Yes. Do I know that the world won't end if she says no. Yes, and that is the major difference in be today in 2020 as opposed to me in every other year of my life. I feared rejection, to the point that I wouldn't even bother taking the risk of asking unless I felt it was an absolute yes. With my body image, I felt no one in their right mind would want to date me, that has changed a bit. I still have a problem with my body, and January 1st didn't help. I took accountability shots, and I look horrible. I took them outside with my phone, and they are slightly overexposed, so I'm washed out, and not showing any definition at all. I know this isn't how I really look, but with my body image, it shook me. Despite all that, I'm still glad that I sent that message, and I'm excited for which ever way the outcome is. I took a blind step outside of my comfort zone, and it wasn't a bad thing at all. Peace in and goodnight.
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