Sunday, January 5, 2020

The Key Is Happiness

     How was this weekend? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Up and down doesn't really describe it. My mom has been more distant and removed from herself than usual lately, but I've learned how to cope to keep her at ease for the most part. The anger spikes diminish quickly, and then a whole new range of emotions come up, which I have also weaved my way around. Dietary and physical need of my own have been met with enthusiasm. I'm healthier physically than I believe I ever have been. Mentally and emotionally are harder to discern. Mentally I'm in a mixed bag. My mind is more clear and focused, but I'm still caged by what goes on with my mom. Emotionally it is similar. I sometimes feel outside of myself and only playing a part to get through each day. I think that is more of a way of compartmentalizing what is going on. Since when I'm with my mom, I am not who I really am, it makes it easier if I just play the role of the person that works in the facility she is in. I think it saves me a mental breakdown. It also makes it a little easier, (not a whole lot) when she bad mouths me, or her "brother" (once again, I'm the brother) to the guy that works there. Tonight is a good example. As she was walking to her room to go to bed she said, that her brother was no good and made a raspberry sound. I let it go of course and didn't acknowledge it, but it still hits and lands. Once again, I know that it is simply her dementia and confusion, but still stings.

     Back to my mental and physical well being. I have amplified my workouts quite a bit. When I installed the pull-up station, I couldn't only do 2 pull-ups. I am now up to 5 in multiple sets. When I say multiple sets, I mean 5 to 8 sets. I alternate between pull-ups and chin-ups. If you don't know the difference, pull is with an over grip, and chin is with an under grip. I am now able to do push-ups again, which was killing me due to that shoulder pain. The pain is still there, but not so much that it keeps me from doing anything. I've began running on top of my daily cardio. This has also made me commit to alternate rest days. That is ok, rest is just as important as working out. I'm noticing more and more changes in my body, not only in the mirror but with measurements as well. I've began more leg based calisthenics workouts, to build my legs back up, and it seems to be working. Then there is the daily meditation. That has been a huge difference in my life. I believe that is the reason that I'm able to take more and more things in stride. The garden helps too, and I'll have more on that in a second. The daily 20 minutes of meditation (actually it's longer, but 20 minutes is the timer I set) is now something I will do until I for some reason can't physically or mentally do it. As long as I can get up, sit down, and stay that way for 20 minutes it will be done. I'm thinking about writing a piece for the website about meditation, and how it has benefited me in my overall body. Yes, I'm no longer calling it weight loss journey. I'm as close to the end of weight loss as I can be, and I'm redirecting towards that overall body appearance that I want. That means I will actually probably gain weight, but I'll be losing body fat. I've already documented how I've done it in the last month or so. It is possible, and can be done with the right amount of dedication and work.

     Let's talk about the garden. I had a stressful situation on Friday night. I did a feeding of nutrients to all the pepper plants in the ground and then watered them in. This is how you do it, but when I walked out a few ours later, all of them had wilted. I was broken. I thought for sure that I had killed just about every plant that was in the ground. I texted my buddy to see what he thought, and he thought it could have been overwatering, which I thought could be the case as well. I decided there was nothing I could do, and just went to sleep. The next morning I woke up and right before my run at 4:45 in the morning, I checked them all. They had sprung back to life. It was some kind of shock from the feeding and watering. I guess it's like when you have a big, good meal. You tend to wilt and fall asleep on the couch. I guess it's not much different for plants. I was elated when the sun came out, and they were all fully back to their green and leafy selves.

     I don't remember if I told you, but I finally got a taste of one of my home grown tomatoes. The Cherry Red has been dropping fruit, which I thought was weird, but since it keeps dropping them, I think it's the plants way of saying, "Hey, take these and eat them.". I do have to let them ripen up a little each time though, but it's only a couple of days, and the taste. They are mildly sweet with a nice tanginess to them. They are so good. I should mention that I have my first Cherokee Purple growing right now.


     It's about the size of a bean right now, but I'm super excited about it. These are the ones that get a deep purplish red in color, and are the size of your hand. Out of the 4 plants that I have, the one this is on, seems to be the most productive. There are several more flowers open or getting ready to open on it, and that means more tomatoes. The others have some buds forming, so they may begin fruiting soon as well.

     The Scotch Bonnets are still ripening, and I've been leaving the one I want seed from on it to hang out. While those are doing their thing, I have two other plants that have produced pods. My Bulgarian Carrot, which produces a bright orange pepper that resembles a carrot has one pod and several flowers either bloomed or budding, and my Jemez Pueblo has 3 pods growing with several more on the way. I do have two other plants that are beginning to have buds, and I'm hoping they will produce as well. They are the Purple UFO, which has purple peppers, and the Rainforest, which I don't remember what the pods look like.. Ok just looked it up, and it's bright red. I can't wait to try these peppers out. I think they are all mild to medium heat, which won't get me making any videos, but they should be tasty. Oh yeah, I believe I've had peppers or my moruga salt in every meal I've eaten lately. The burn is so good. I never thought in a million years that I would be a pepper head. Who would have guessed that I would like spicy food? It used to kill me.

     Oh yeah, no video this week, and I'm not sure when the next one will be, but I have a good one coming in the future. I got some exciting news from my buddy that got me into this whole new grow lifestyle and his wife got something that will really light us up. I'm not going to tell you what it is, and save it for when we do the video, but this just might be the spiciest thing that we have eaten to date. It should make for a real entertaining and funny video.

     I guess it's time to update you on my crush. I did say I would update you if there was any news, and there is. Can you guess what it is? I really wish there was a way that you could guess before reading this, but the honor system isn't what it used to be, so I'm just going to assume that you didn't guess and will just say that you knew it. Well here it is. She did exactly what I thought she would do, and try to talk me out of asking her out. She told me that she did that a long time ago. It's a self defense mechanism that she has. I get it, but I wasn't going for it. I just made a little joke of it, and told her, that since she was trying to talk me out of asking her to dinner, what did she think about coffee. I got my reply about an hour or so before writing this. Her reply was that she was more in line with food. That's a good thing right? I mean that's not a no. I already know the answer, because I went with it and asked her to dinner. I got that reply while I was writing this. It's going to happen, we just have to find a time when we are both available. I'm going to have to be real creative with how I do this. It has to be late evening for me. That way I can get my mom to sleep, turn off all the lights in the house, so that I can leave for a few hours. If she wakes up while I'm gone and the lights are off, she will just assume that it's not time to wake up, and go back to sleep. This can work. I see no other way of making this happen, since I have no one that can sit with her for the time I need. This will be good for me as well. I can get out for a short period of time and actually be with other people. I've had a friend over for a short amount of time, but I'm here and I always have one eye and ear on what my mom is doing, so it's stressful. It is a little freedom, but freedom with a cost. This will be as well. I'm sure the entire time I'm the date, I will be worried that something goes wrong, so I'm already setting up the good vibes for things to go right when the time comes. Can you believe it, I may actually go on a date again.

     Last bu not least, I wanted to leave you with a picture of my dinner tonight. The reason is, there was a lot of homegrown items in it. I made ground pork that I seasoned with oregano from the garden, fresh. I just pulled the leaves and minced it up. It added such a great natural flavor to the pork. I also added several diced tomatoes from my buddy, and that only added more flavor. It was flavor on top of flavor. I added broccoli cuts and cauliflower, roasted with garlic powder and salt, and then after I plated it all, I sprinkled my moruga salt on everyone on my plate. I can't tell you how fantastic it was. Super healthy and wonderfully spicy. It doesn't look like much, but trust me, it was amazing.


     It looks like such a tiny portion, but that is a 10 inch diameter plate, and it was filled. Who says eating keto is bland? Not me. Peace in and goodnight.

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