This Hole Keeps Getting Deeper

      I'm tired of watching my mom slowly die in front of me. It's getting harder and harder to get her to eat, and her mind is almost completely gone at this point. She woke my up early yesterday screaming and slamming doors, saying that someone stole her shoes. After a search, I found that she had put them on a shelf in her bathroom. The rest of the day was her complaining about shoes and how no one would help her find them for the other people that stay in her room. A quick reminder that there is no one else in her room. These people are all in her head.

     I have no idea how I'm going to dig my way out of this hole that I'm in. I'm definitely at a very low point in my life. I'll figure something out, I have no idea what it will be, but I'm nothing if not resourceful.

    On to different stuff, that might be a bit more fun. I posted a picture earlier this week on Instagram and Facebook, and people liked it. You may remember, I've been working on this whole make-up thing. I think I've gotten somewhat decent at it. Decent enough so that it's noticeable but not noticeable. Here is the photo.

     Here is the thing about that photo. Everyone noticed the eyes, which was the intention. I went with a bold look. What people didn't notice, is that I'm completely made up. Foundation, concealer, highlighter, bronze and contour. The only thing I didn't do was my eyebrows, because I haven't really figured those out yet, but I'm working on it, and I'm getting closer. I like the look and I'm learning more every day on how to do things right and not be a complete disaster.

     I also did something else this week and at first, it was a shocking as I thought it would be.

     That was before touchups, but I went as dark as I could find for these photos I want to do. The weird thing is, I'm actually liking the way it looks. My hair (when I had it) was always brown to light brown, with being blonde in my adolescence. Yeah, for the rest 10 or so years of my life I was a toe head. Even stranger than that, when I was born, I was a red head for 3 days. That's not important though. The thing is, I've never had really dark hair, so I was sure that I wouldn't like it, and once these pictures were done, I would get rid of it, and just go on with life, but I'm actually liking the way it looks now. It's not some vanity thing where I'm trying to look younger, as a matter of fact, I don't think it makes me look any younger. I just think it frames my face better. In the end, it has given me some ideas that I want to try a little later on, but this has opened my eyes to some possibilities for new looks, that I didn't even know were there.

     This was from earlier today after touchups and the color having a day or so to set in. I do think I look like an entirely different person, and that just seems fun. I like the idea of not being myself for a while. If only I could go out and be around people, it would be interesting to see if I acted differently, and other than myself. Those days are long gone for now, and I don't see them returning any time soon. Thats not just because of the pandemic, but also the fact that I can't go anywhere. The most interaction I have with people is at the grocery store, and when I make an occasional trip to 7-11, and those social encounters are exactly what you think they would be. Typical costumer interaction. It's all I have though, so I'll just look forward to those moments each week. Good news is, tomorrow morning is when I do my grocery shopping, so It's social time everybody.

     Quick mom update: I can hear her in her room right now fighting with the girls she lives with. It's the typical argument of, "NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU ARE UGLY!". Here is the thing, my mom never talked like that. She would never call anyone ugly. It's just all around disturbing. Oh yeah, that reminds of one other thing that happened yesterday morning. When I gave her her shoes, she threw them at me and said I threw them at her, then she began screaming like someone was hurting her. I was ten feet away at the time. When she gets that way, I really worry that someone is going to call the cops and have me arrested for abuse. She also later went out on the front porch and when I went out to make sure she was safe, she took her shoes off and tried throwing them at me again. They didn't make it because she hit Morty in the head both times. Two things are fortunate in this matter, she doesn't have the strength to do any real damage, and Morty being a part pitty, has a real thick skull. He wasn't even phased by it, which is why she managed to hit him twice. He just sat there and took it.

     It's time for Favorite Song of the Week. This is a cover song that takes me back to a real fun time in my life. It also reminds me of the original and how groundbreaking and good it was. The original was done by The Cranberries. Delores O'Riordan has since died unexpectedly. That was a said day for me. I loved her voice and that natural yodel that she had. This version is done by Miley Cyrus, and although she doesn't have that yodel that Delores had, she does the song justice. I really hope you enjoy it. Here is Miley Cyrus with her cover of The Cranberries classic hit "Zombie".

     I hope to have some of these pictures that I have planned for you next week. These are ideas I've had for some time, and they keep evolving as I put more thought into them, but I think I'm finally ready to start getting some of these ideas done. Peace in and goodnight

It's Going To Be Dark

      So, I'm considering dying my beard black so that I can do some halloween spooky photos. It's going to look really weird, and I'm pretty sure if I do it, it's going to shock me by my appearance, but what the hell, I need a creative outlet, and right now this is all that is coming into my head. I guess that means I'll be getting some dye tomorrow when I hit the store. After that I will have to figure out the face paint. I have some ideas, but not sure which way to go. Should I go somewhat gory, or dark. I'm leaning towards dark, but I might be able to pull of a combination of the two, but subtle on the gore. Either way it should be fun.

     Remember last week when I told you I was going to hang some art, well there it is. I left space in the middle for two more of them. I have two picked out, that are slightly larger than those four, and I think they will look good there, I just have to find frames for them. Of course I have to measure them out to see what size frame, and hope that they aren't such odd sized that I won't be able to find pre-made frames for them.

     I do have to tell you, that I tried the Dunkin Donuts Ghost Pepper Donut. I got two of them on Friday night. I know, I really know how to party. Anyway, they had really good flavor. Tasted to me, like Frakenberry Cereal. Full of strawberry goodness. As for the ghost pepper. I could taste it in there, but I didn't get any heat from it. The second donut had a tiny kick, but I think it built off the first one. I think that if someone couldn't stand any kind of heat what so ever, these donuts would give them a kick, but for me, it was just a good tasting donut with a pepper flavor. Oh, I guess I should tell you that the pepper is in the icing. It's a strawberry icing infused with cayenne and ghost pepper powder. Dunkin is advertising them as a way to trick your friends. I am not for that at all, but these are so mild, you might not hurt someone. Here's the thing about tricking people into eating spicy things. If someone is not used to the heat, and they have an adverse reaction, the could go into anaphylactic shock. The whole reason that your mouth burns is a defense mechanism by your body. Receptors in your tongue read capsaicin as a severe source of heat, and it begins a process to protect itself by blistering. For people that are used to heat and capsaicin, this is very mild, but for someone who isn't, this can lead to your throat potentially closing and death. So don't trick people into eating extremely hot things. You can get the same reaction from them if you tell them what it is and let them decide to eat it on their own. Ok, that's my TED talk thank you for coming.

     It's time for Favorite Song of the Week. I actually had a few to pick from, but this one came in hot late in the week, so the others may show up in coming weeks. Several years ago, I had the privilege to go to New Mexico, while there I witnessed a sundown dance by the Navajo nation, and it was moving. I got incredibly emotional and thanked the leader for allowing me to witness such an event. You have to understand that these are things that are usually protected and only meant for the tribe, so when they are performed in public, it is an amazing event. I'll try to put a picture up that I took at the end of this post. This song is from Portugal the Man and they are brining awareness to the disproportionate amount of tribal women who go missing, raped, and killed with no effort by local law enforcement to find the perpetrators. This has been going on for years, and it needs to stop, and they need justice. These are the indigenous people of this land, and deserve far more than they have gotten. Their lands and lives were stolen from them, we need to do better, so here is Portugal the Man featuring Weird Al with "Who's Going to Stop Me".

     You thought it was going to be something hokey since Weird Al was in it didn't you? Yeah, he went serious for this one, and it was good. If you would like more information on this problem and the effort to bring justice for these women, please go here. http://mmiwusa.org Help out in anyway you can, even by just spreading the word. Every little bit helps.

     

     This is one photo from that tribal dance that I got to see. The culture is beautiful and needs to be protected, so please check out that website and help out. Peace in and goodnight.

The Heat Is Intense

      If you didn't get a chance to watch our first video, I'm going to post it just below this paragraph. We did really well on this challenge. We were worried going into it. We made sure we ate a good meal, and then we debated drinking some heavy cream to line our stomachs, so that we wouldn't get the capsaicin cramps. Those cramps are the real challenge. They will tie your stomach into knots and it is painful. There were not worries this time though. The chip was hot, and a normal person the doesn't chase heat would have been floored by it for sure, but it was a little underwhelming to us. Here is the video and you can see for yourself how we took it.

     We have two more challenges ahead of us that we are getting prepared for. I have no idea when we will get them filmed though, but these next to really worry me. The first is the Death Nut Challenge. It is 5 levels of different spicy coated nuts, with the final set of 3 nuts being the actual Death Nuts. They are intense. I know this because they are also the Tube of Terror nuts, and I got extra tubes so we could raise our tolerance and get used to them. There is no getting used to these nuts. I tried the first one earlier this week, and I took it well, so I decided to eat two more. The difference in heat level between one nut by itself and two nuts, is insane. I also did realize that my stomach was empty. Those two extra nuts hit me hard, and the cramps from them ended up making me throw up. I have since been eating the nuts after a full meal and no more cramps, but the idea of eating three nuts at one time after having 4 other levels of spicy nuts, and then doing a whole tube, which is approximately 30 nuts. I have some real concern for worry. If we beat these two challenges, we will earn our wings for eating spicy things. The Tube of Terror will actually get us in the League of Fire, where we will be ranked among the spiciest competitors in the world. That's pretty exciting, and I really want to succeed at that challenge so I can be a part of the LoF. We got some serious training to do. I've been doing a minimum of one nut a day, but my buddy doesn't have his tube yet, so he's going to be a little behind. He has no idea how hot those nuts are. I've explained it, but it really is something you have to experience for yourself.

     My buddy was gracious enough to give me an incredible print by an artist named Mumford. It is of The Crow, and lights up under black light. I finally went out and got a frame for that, as well as some small frames for my Llewellyn prints (I still need more of the smaller ones) and hung it last night. I still have to figure out the proper layout for the smaller ones before I hang them, but here is that Mumford print.

     That is under a little handheld black light. I'm going to have to get some bulbs for a real display, but it looks really cool in the dark. The other prints are going to go around my Emek of David Bowie. If you remember one of the prints is of David Bowie. I have three other small ones to go around it, with possibly two more. I just have to find where I put them. I think I'm going to hang them at each corner of the large print and leave space in the middle for two more. If I don't have them, then no worries, it will still look good, but if I find them, they will look real good with three on either side of the print.

     That is of course the wall and Emek print. Just image three small prints on either side of it. It will look fantastic.

     I do have some larger prints, but I will have to find frames for them, and a different place to display them. The ones going around the Emek are all the same size 5x7. The other ones are some odd sizes, that I haven't measured out yet, but I have a feeling finding frames for them is going to be difficult. I'll jump that hurdle when I get to it though.

     I don't have much more to say this week, other than early voting and mail in voting has begun, so do your part, raise your voice, and be counted. Go Vote. Peace in and goodnight.

New Channel

      You may or may not have noticed, but I forgot to post last week, and of course, today isn't Sunday. I have no excuse for last week, but today is because tomorrow should be a pretty full day. I'm actually going to have a social date. I really lack a better term for it, other than a get together with a friends family. Don't worry, everyone is healthy and safe, which is why I'm doing it, plus I definitely need to get out of the house and a way from life for a while.

     We are going to grill some burgers and a few experimental dishes. I'll tell you about them next week, if they are any good. We are also going to be filming our first challenge in a while. It is the return of the Paqui One Chip Challenge. They just released their new chip, and it is supposed to be more demonic than last years, with the addition of Sichuan pepper, that supposedly added numbness and tingling. I'm still not sure how numbest is a bad thing in this kind of challenge. If everything goes right, I should be posting the video on Monday evening, maybe afternoon, to a channel that we created just for our exploits in pepper and spicy challenges. It is called Epic Inferno, and you can subscribe here so that you don't miss any new video as it posts Epic Inferno YouTube 

     We are pretty excited about this new channel and the challenges that we already have set up. As I said,

we are kicking it off with the Paqui One Chip Challenge. We will follow that up with the Death Nut, and then the Tube of Terror. They should all test our tolerance, which I was thinking was pretty good, until I ate a habanero yesterday and it scorched my throat. It is different eating raw pods though as opposed to some kind of food item, but these are still going to hurt. 

     Here is why I thought my tolerance was better. The other day I made burgers, and cut up there dragon's breath, and two reapers. Those two are comparable on heat. These were all small in size, but with these superhots, size doesn't always matter. Half way through my first burger I had the razorblades in my mouth, but it wasn't enough to stop me. I quickly finished off the second burger and enjoyed the ride, which was about a half hour of mouth melting heat. The good part was that there was no throat burn. That is the burn that always gets me. It causes that slight bit of panic when you have some trouble with your throat. It's just a very uncomfortable feeling. If I remember right these chips do have a tough throat burn, so expect some pretty fun reactions from these.

     With our first three challenges set, we will need others. More than likely we will try and fill up time with pod reviews for different peppers, ranging from mild to superhot. The mild probably won't be that exciting for non chili heads, but the superhots should be just as fun as watching these challenges. There are tons of spicy challenges out there. I know of the world's hottest chocolate bar, and the nitro gummy bear (a 9 million scoville heat unit gummy bear). We shouldn't have a shortage of content for people to enjoy. Right now we don't have a schedule or even know how often we can film these, but I'm hoping we can do our best to put up one a week. At least for the next three weeks. We will just have to see.

     A little garden update. This is the Blue Balloon flower, and it's pretty fantastic. I'm hoping this will take over the majority of the garden, since a lot has died due to the excessive heat we have had this summer.

     Pretty awesome flower right? I still got the peppers growing as well, although they are being attacked by white flies right now, and I have no idea how to get rid of them. Anyway, this is my harvest today. I got several varieties with most of them in the medium to superhot category.

     The left is right out of the garden, and the right is them spread out to dry after cleaning. There are two types of ghost, some chocolate brain strain as well as yellow, some MOA scotch bonnets, papa dreadies, orange and puma peach habaneros, black but x chocolate naga brain, Madam Jeanette, foodarama, plum gum, and primo x BOC. The habaneros, jeanettes, and bonnets are all that medium heat, while the rest are all in the superhot category. As much as I would like to be able to eat all of these, I will be freezing most of them so that I can dry them out and make powder later on. I just can't eat them fast enough, there's like 20 orange habaneros there. The most I've ever eaten in one night was 7, and that had me on fire. All of those with the exception of the Jay's red ghost scorpion, ( the long ones in the super left hand corner ) all have great flavor. I'm not fond of the floral flavor of ghosts. I love them the smell, and I love them as powder, but as a raw pod, they are just gross. 

     Time for Favorite Song of the Week. If you haven't been following the epic rock battle between Nandi Bushell and Dave Grohl, you are missing out on some of the best stuff coming out of this pandemic. It started when Nandi did a drum cover of Everlong, in which she challenged Dave to a drum off. Dave saw the video and obliged by a cover song of his own challenging Nandi to do it as well. She turned it up a notch and did it flawlessly. Dave then had to do the honorable thing and take it up another notch and wrote an original song just for Nandi. What was Nandi to do with that? Well, here is the answer. This is Nandi Bushell with her original song "Rock and Grohl".

     Come on, how can you not love that. The next step is as Nandi says, and they collaborate on a song together. This pandemic hasn't been all bad.

     That's it for this special Saturday edition. If I live through the challenge, which by the way, won't be just the One Chip (you will see it all on the video), you will see a video on Monday, if you subscribed it will be in your subscription page, Not sure you can click on the bell yet for notifications since we don't have any videos up yet, actually just checked, and the bell is there. Just click on the bell and hit all. That will give you a notification on your phone or your email when we post a new video. Peace in and have a great Saturday

Come Together They Said

      I'm writing this now, because I once again got screwed over. I was told that the person that occasionally comes and takes my mom for a short while would be here today ( no time was given, and never is ), but they have failed to show up or even let me know they are not coming. I actually made plans based on that, and told friends I would meet up with them for a little much needed social time. Looks like that won't happen. This is my life now, and once again I am reaffirmed in my knowledge that those that say they will help, truly don't mean it. This goes back all the way to the beginning of this. I was told to ask for help and that they would. I was even told that we should all come together for my mom. Turns out, what that meant was that I should give up everything and listen to how I should do it all a different way. I was invited to a friends on the 4th for dinner and to watch the season finale of The Walking Dead. I was going to ask the person that was coming today if they would just come over and sit so I could do this. I was already doubting that they would say yes, now I absolutely sure that they won't. When this is all over, they will get nothing from me. I will be done with all of them. I have asked for very little, and not even the minimum of my requests can be answered. When family fails you, you truly have nothing left.

     With that out of the way, lets get to something more pressing. I'm going to get a political for a second, so if you don't want to read that, skip to the next paragraph. This is for the third part voters. I get it, I understand that you want immediate change. I do as well, but this election is far to important to enact your privilege to vote for a third party candidate. That happened the last presidential election and look what we have now, two stolen supreme court seats. Put your privilege aside for a moment and do what is right for the country. I beg of you, but as you saw above, my pleas are rarely answered, so I fully expect this election to be another crap shoot.

     As you know, I'm a little monster, as in I'm a Lady Gaga fan. She released a short film for her latest song 911, and it's weird, but by the time it ends, it comes together and slaps you in the face with sense. It is an amazing video and it is the one I"m going to share with you today. So, here is Lady Gaga with her new short film "911".

      I'm just going to go and make an early dinner and call it a day. Peace in and goodnight

Another Day, Another Day

     Nearly forgot to write this today. It's easy to fall out of a habit, and much more difficult to reestablish one. Part of the reason I nearly forgot, is that I really don't know what to talk about. I guess I'll start with the accountability photos. You can see just what a disaster I have become by getting a little out of control with my eating. Once again, still eating healthy, I was just eating whenever I felt like it with no plan.

     You can see that I am quite a bit softer than I used to be. This has sidetracked me in a ton of photos I've been wanting to take. I back on program now, and recommitting to myself and better fitness. Just to put it in perspective, here is a photo from before.

     I will get back there and better. My eating times are much more strict and fasting has been put back in place. I'm still wary of doing a 72 hour fast, due to the pandemic. When you go for more than 24 hours, you put your immune system at jeopardy. If you can stay home that entire time, plus a couple more days, you will come out better off, but since I never know what the schedule is, since people will not let me know when they are coming or when they are calling, I have to give up on a reboot fast. I really would like to do one, not for weight loss but for the whole baseline aspect of it. I just want a good full reset. It would be nice to start over fresh at something.

     Guage, aka, Baby Girl, aka The Shnuggie is doing great. She is fully healed up and not having any problems with her ears at this time. I'm sure that will all change, but for now, it's really nice to not have to worry about her. That is one thing at least, off my plate.

     Oh, I do have something I can talk about. Me and my buddy will be doing a couple of videos soon. Not right away though, because we have to prepare for it. We have to spicy challenges ahead of us. The first one will be the easier of the two, but stating that it is easy, is a misnomer. It is called the Death Nut Challenge.

     If you blow that up, you can see what is in each section of nuts. The very first one, is made with two of the hottest peppers in the world. Granted, in this form they shouldn't be as hot as the pods themselves, but they should still be far above what most people would ever eat spice wise. I expect the first set of nuts to be slight above Ghost pepper level. The idea is that you have to have each section in your mouth for a full 15 seconds, and then you have to wait 1 minute before going to the next stage. Once they are all gone, I think there is a 5 minute burn, that you have to get through without having any water, milk, whatever to try and quench the fire. As you can see, saying that is the easy one, should have you pondering what the next one is.

     Challenge 2 is the Tube of Terror. I think it is 30 peanuts that are stage 5 of the Death Nut Challenge. You can only eat them 2 at a time, and you have 10 minutes to finish the tube with a 5 minute burn to follow. The big difference with these, is that they put capsaicin crystals on them the measure 13 million on the Scoville Heat Units scale.13 million sounds like a lot, and it is, but although they haven't officially measured the scale of these nuts, they believe that they are at about 3 million. That is hotter than a Carolina Reaper, but quite a bit. It wouldn't be the hottest thing I've ever had. I did have an extract that measured out at 7.1 million, and I can tell you that it was insane. The downside of extracts is, that they have a chemical taste to them, which is pretty nasty. I've seen that these nuts supposedly have a really great flavor to them, so I'm a little worried and excited about both of these challenges.

     Although are tolerance is pretty high right now. We need to get it a bit higher before we do both of these challenges. For me right now, my tolerance is at a point where habaneros hit me like a jalapeño. I barely feel any heat from them at all. I just know that there is a slight burning sensation on my tongue. In order for me to really feel the heat and get my eyes watering, I have to eat something higher than a Ghost pepper. That gives me a minor sense of panic still. I'd like to be eating reapers at the level. Then I would feel pretty confident going into both of these challenges. Regardless of how high we get our tolerances, it won't really prepare us. These are going to be brutal. It's going to be fun.

     Since I only do this once a week (for now), I have been missing out on Favorite Song of the Week. I thought I would add it to this weekly post, just so that I can have something pleasant for you. This one is from a Russian guitarist, that is out of this world. He does some pretty amazing things with an acoustic guitar. His videos do have some tracking, so not everything is actually played live, but about 90% of it is, and when you watch this, you will understand just how difficult it all is. This is Alexandr Misko, with an original song from his current album called, "Eventide Lullaby". I hope you enjoy it.

     That's it for this week. Please be kind to each other. Peace in and goodnight.

Time to Recommit

      I'm going to try to make this one more positive, since I got a lot of stuff thrown at me from the last post I did. Last week before everything came collapsing down around me, I had the chance to see the new Bill & Ted movie. 

     It was everything I hoped it would be just silly fun, and I really needed that. Today, while I'm writing this, Syfy is having a Bill & Ted marathon, except they are playing them in reverse order, which is really weird. Nevertheless, I am watching Excellent Adventure right now, and plan to put on Face the Music afterwards, so I can get the whole Bill & Ted experience. 

     I have recommitted to my fitness and am also trying out a new way of eating. It's not really all that different from how I was eating, but a more regimented schedule and a little different approach to intermittent fasting. So far, it's working out well, and I should have pictures next week. Still not ready for accountability photos, but they will come.

     Averted a near catastrophe on Friday night. As you know, Baby Girl now knowns as Schnuggie, has trouble since her surgery. From time to time, she gets a fluid buildup in her cheek that migrates up to the ear where the old drainage port was. When this happens, it ruptures and well, you have a mess. Friday was rupture time. I caught her early on, so I only had to clean up sporadic messes, and squeezed most of the blood and fluid out of her into a papertowel. I cleaned her up then bandaged her up, which she was not fond of, but it was able to last through the night so that she could get some uninterrupted sleep.

     That bandage only lasted the night. I recleaned the wound and bandaged her up again, but that one didn't even last an hour. The good news is, that the wound has sealed up well, and she will be blood and fluid free for a while. She can never seem to catch a break with all these health issues, but she is such a relaxed and chill dog, that it's hard to believe that everything that led to these problems were from the abuse she received from her previous owner. Right now, she's sleeping on the floor next to my chair, and that puts a smile on my face.

     I did get a bit crafty this week, and it was all in an effort to improve my fitness. This is all part of that recommitment. When I do pushups, I use parallettes. Those are small bars that sit 8 inches from the ground. The goal is to do a planche pushup, which is basically doing a pushup without touching the ground with anything but your hands. Seems impossible, but it's not. Anyway, The problem with doing pushups with those bars, is that my body angle wasn't hitting my chest in the best way, so I built a box that is 8 inches tall, so that I can put my feet on that and then use the parallettes. This gives me a deeper stretch on the bottom, because I can go below where my hands are, and it hits my chest in the right place.

     It didn't take me long, but the way I built it made it kind of tough. I built the outer walls first, then made inserts to go inside for stability, then made inserts to cap the ends. Trying to get those to stay up while I nailed them in place from the inside, wasn't easy. It didn't come out perfect, but good enough for what I need. I tested it by standing on it and jumping up and down, and it is almost as solid as if it were one block of wood.

     I did pushups off that set up, and they were amazing. Hit exactly where I wanted it to, and being able to go below parallel made a huge difference in the stretch at the bottom. Really looking forward to how they change the shape of my chest.

     I do have one more thing that is positive that I could talk about, but I'm hesitant about jinxing it. Seems like ever time I talk about this particular subject it all goes down hill once I do, so, I'm going to sit on this one for a little while and maybe get back to you next week on this one.

     Part of my recommitment to fitness is also writing this once a week for now. Mental fitness is just as important as physical fitness, and it is fitting that today is the first day of suicide prevention awaremess month. Yeah, we suicidal types don't get a full month, but we have something. Make an effort to listen to people more. You may have problems, but if you don't listen to those whose problems are different than yours, you may lose someone in the process. Still not used to not saying goodnight, but as I write this in the middle of the day now, I'm going to just have to accept it. Peace in and good day.