I Got Some Things To Figure Out

     I considered not writing tonight, for the simple reason that dealing with my mom has taken everything out of me. She is no longer the kind sweet old lady. She has become the mean and nasty old lady that dementia is known for. Yesterday morning she went to lie down, and that is my chance to take a shower. I had to cut that short, because she was screaming that she needed breakfast and hadn't been fed in days. This was an hour after I gave her breakfast. This is a new thing, that seems will never end. Every time she goes in to lie down, within an hour she comes out complaining that she has had any food for days. Sometimes I tell her that it will be ready in a half hour, and sometimes I just give in and go get her something. That seems to be the only time she does eat. Any other time she is trying to feed the imaginary people around her and leaving pieces of food all over the place. She has taken to thinking everything is a conspiracy against her, and then that leads to all the name calling. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this. I have to go to the grocery store tomorrow, and the only saving grace that I know she will stay in the house, is that I will look the screen door in the front and she doesn't know how to unlock it. She won't attempt to go out the back because the pavers are uneven, and they scare her unless someone is there to guide her. I will get the shopping done as fast as I can and get home, but I'm sure she will be screaming or crying or something when I get back.

     I am stressed out beyond any normal limits that I've ever experienced, and meditation isn't helping right now, and what workout I can get in, is no help either. It has been raining all day today, so that only leaves indoor activities, and since she has been all over the place, I haven't been able to do anything except run back and forth from the kitchen making food for her every time she comes out claiming she is hungry. Mind you, only small portions, and they are rarely fully eaten. I will figure this out, it's just going to take a few headaches to get around this corner.

     I'm currently in the middle of my quarterly 72 hour fast, but I may stop it early. Here is the thing, fast are great for building up your immune system, but with anything in the body that gets built up, it has to be broken down first. That is the case with an extended fast. In the short term you can be left immunocompromised, with a lower immune system. In the long run, you will have a much stronger immune system. During a shorter fast, you can get away with it, because it doesn't get to a point where your immune system is broken down. This is where I'm at right now. I'm actually on the line of the breakdown point. My goal for this fast was autophagy and body reset, not weight loss. It was for an overall better me when I was done, but with this virus going around, and having to go out tomorrow, I leave myself susceptible to catching it, especially with all the idiots that still aren't taking this seriously and hanging out in groups. It just takes one of the people to come into contact with me, and I would be done for. I'm beginning to think of just skipping this 72 hours until the next quarter, which I'll have to figure out when that is, but off the top of my head It would be around the fourth of July. I could still get in some good autophagy, with a series of 20 hour fast this week. I'm sitting at 25 hours right now, so if I'm going to stay on the safe side of things, I'm going to have to eat right after I'm done with this. So, it looks like I've talked myself into doing 20 hour fast for the next few days for a minor autophagy boost, and then preparing for the reset in July.

     Well, with all the rain today, and it being an apocalypse and all I had to break out the Real Deal Brazil hat. For those not in the know, it's the same hat that Woody Harrelson wore in Zombieland. No, he didn't wear it in the second one, and I was kind of bummed. Anyways, here I am ready to fight the hordes of Covid.

     Ok, I'm going to go eat something now, and stay alive. I really wanted to do this 72 hours, but it's just not safe enough for that right now. Got stay healthy so I can do it in July. Peace in and goodnight.