I foiled her effort of trying to escape the house today, but simply locking the screen porch door. Fortunately she can no longer figure out how to unlock it. She wanted to wander off on her own, but that isn't about to happen. Mind you, she went to bed for good about 30 minutes ago, and she has now made her way out to the living room sitting beside me, throwing a robe at me, and then being angry because I told her, "Thank you, but I don't need that." She is now talking to herself about wanting to call someone, I have no idea who, but I'm assuming it's going to be my nephew through ALEXA.
I really hope none of you that are reading this, ever has to experience anything like this. It is equal parts sad, and maddening. The whole lose of identity of having someone tell you that you aren't who you are, and then telling you that you are several other people is one thing, but to listen to a constant dialogue with an imaginary person tops the cake in ways that you could never hope to know. Right now she is talking about how she wants to just go away and die, and that is maybe the hardest conversations I have to listen to. This is a woman that always said that this wasn't the way she wanted to go out. She did not want to lose her mind, and that is exactly what has happened. This once brilliant and vivacious woman has been reduced to a child with no mental capacity. It breaks my heart more and more each day to have to sit hear and watch this happen to her. I know this seems harsh, but I do wish for her death to be sooner than later, because it will release her form the prison that is her mind. She will be free and in some sort of better place in whatever form you choose to believe.
Off the doldrums. Today was the first day that I was able to get everything done in my morning ritual. Cardio, meditation, simple torso exercises, reading, and then a workout a little later in the morning. I didn't wake up quite as early as I had hoped, but it was still early enough to get it all in. Just for reference, I woke up at 10 till 5. I will finish up the day with some cardio before going to bed, which may just give me that extra bit of weariness that I need to get to sleep early and then wake up just a little bit earlier tomorrow, so that I can start it all over again.
Couple of pictures from the garden. The Chocolate Cherry Sunflower in the front yard is still small, even though it is the largest of all the CCS, but it has opened up, and it looks really stunning. It has that deep rich chocolate color that I was hoping for. The one in the backyard has more orange in it, which is a bit of a surprise color based on it's description from the seller.
The Rainforest seems like it has fully ripened on a couple of pods, but I'm not sure. Every photo I've ever seen of them has a bright mostly red color. Their description says reddish orange, but this is clearly a bright pumpkin orange.
I don't know if I should just pick one and try it, and then let the others hang and see if they darken in color or maybe change again, but seeing how they ripened getting a three tiered color going during that process, leads me to believe that that is the final color, and that one is ready to go. Let me know what you think. Should I pick it? Should I leave it to hang? If I do pick it, should I do a pod review video of it, so you can see the look on my face and my first reaction on eating a new pepper? I'll do whatever you want me to do on this one. Just let me know in the comments below. Oh yeah, I still can't respond to comments. I have no idea why, so if you do leave a comment, I will respond the next post, so keep an eye out for that when you do leave a comment.
Ok, I really have nothing left to talk about, Oh, except on thing. I have to go to the bank tomorrow, and I'm freaking out a little. I have to go inside, and I always have to wait. That means prolonged exposure to an open place where people are in and out, which means more chances to catch a virus. I also have to take my moms with me. Since she has gotten as bad as she has, I can't trust her to just sit in her chair or stay in bed for 20-30 minutes, and with the lockdown in place, I can't have someone come over and watch her. That means she will have to sit in the car while I go in the bank. Here is the plan I have. I'm going to go in with nothing on, since I don't have a mask yet, and I don't want to waste gloves. I'm taking my spray bottle of alcohol withe me, and leaving it in the back of the car. When I come out, I will make sure to not touch anything on my body, then I will pop the back and spray myself and hands down really good with the alcohol before getting back in the car. Oh, and don't worry, I have a rag that I will soak down and then wipe the hatch before closing it all up. I'll still be vulnerable, but I'm going to do my best to snuff that virus out before it has a chance to take hold of me. Peace in and goodnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment