I'm going to be shutting down early today. By that I mean I'm cutting off all contact to everyone and everything once this is posted. I'm exhausted and tired of everything. Right now I'm not in the best state of mind to talk to anyone. I currently am trying my best to avoid my mom because I can't take her incessant talking to herself. I will go make her lunch as soon as I'm done, but I will leave the room and drown her voice out with music as I'm doing right now.
My face is inflamed and slightly swollen once again, but this time I think I found the culprit for sure. I have to moisturizers that I use. The one I switched to when all this started happening, and the old one. I'm getting low on the new one so I decided last night to use the old one and sure enough my eyes began stinging and getting puffy last night. I woke up to my whole face stinging, red, and hot to the touch. I immediately threw out the old stuff. That is the only thing I did differently last week from any day in the last two weeks. Two weeks where things have been improving greatly. Until this morning, the dryness was going away, and so was the flaky scaly skin. I'm hoping that since I caught it and made changes this morning I can avoid going to far backwards. Only time will tell.
I just saw a tweet from one of my Senators that is absolutely hypocritical and disgusting. He was blasting so called elites for telling people to wear masks and to get the vaccine, meanwhile he was first in line to get the vaccine a week ago. I must remind you that I have no hope of seeing that vaccine until probably April at the earliest. The governor of my state declared an executive order that people 75 and older move to the head of the line, but there is no available information I can find on how to get my mom who is well over 75 the vaccine. The say you can have it then make it incredibly hard to get. I'm sick of it all.
I don't have a favorite anything of the week this week, because all is dark to me right now, so I suggest you do your best to find something for yourself that makes you happy, for today, that will be wallowing in my own misery. Time to call it a day and turn everything off. Peace in and whatever.
I want to start out with a rant first, then we will get to the fun stuff. I am both sickened and angered by seeing Senators and Congresspeople that have downplayed this virus, calling it a hoax and having maskless events being the first ones in line to receive a vaccine. As you may know, I have been locked down in my house taking care of my dementia ridden mother following all protocol even before it was protocol since mid February, and I have no hope of even sniffing a vaccination shot unit probably April. I'm not saying I should get it right away, I'm all for front line workers, elderly and the most vulnerable to get the vaccine long before I do, but I'm infuriated by seeing these so called leaders that have done everything in their power to kill their constituents getting a life saving vaccine before even those most essential of workers. Don't even get me started on the peanut throwing of a stimulus they have planned to satisfy the cake eaters. I'm not in need, but others are and desperately so. They need far more than $600 dollars 10 months into a pandemic to help save them from complete financial ruin. It is a compete Maria Antoinette moment of "let the eat cake", while they get their vaccine and make millions from PPP loans. Ok, rant over with one punctuation, and yeah some colorful language is coming up. Fuck them all.
I found two companies that make hair dye that is safe for beards. The first one that returned my messages is the one I went with. I ordered three different colors to try out, and I of course went with my favorite color first. I did do the allergy test, but a friend told me I should have waited 7 days instead of the recommended 2 days, so now I'm worried that I'm doomed again. That being said, I feel fine right now and it's day 3 after dying my beard, but I also felt fine at this point with that garbage that I used before. The difference this time is, that this is a semi permanent dye and uses all natural vegan and cruelty free ingredients, so I'm hoping that my worry of not waiting for 7 days is for nothing. Ok, here is the picture of the new beard the day that I dyed it. It's faded a good bit already, so it's not going to look any better than the day of.
That weird reddish color at the bottom is still from that old dye not fading completely out yet. So I got purple obviously. I also got pink and aquamarine. After this purple fades out, I'm going to try using all of them for some fun pattern or something. I have ideas, but nothing is solid yet. I have plenty of time. Even though there is quite a bit of fade already, it should truly take about a month to get it all out. I have to admit that I like it much more than I thought I would. I knew it would be fun, and I do need to entertain myself for reasons stated above in the rant, but I really think it looks good on me. If I don't have any adverse reaction, I think this will be an all the time thing from now on. I don't know.
I forgot to share a picture with you last week. While I was editing photos, this was my view.
The key is to not focus on the laptop, but the sides of the photo. Yep, I had an audience watching my every move. I think they thought I had food or something, that is the normal faces I get when I'm cooking. They were sadly wrong about that but I still got a laugh out of them staring at me watching me work on photos. I love those Pitty pups of mine.
Time for Favorite Song of the Week. I was going to go with a christmas song this week, but something changed my mind last night. I got a recommendation on YouTube and decided to give it a try, and now I can't stop listening to this band. The first song I heard I noticed something different about the singers voice. They also had an old eastern block sound to them. Yes, Russian metal was a thing with imperial sounding marches in their metal influences. Turns out this is a Swedish metal band. I opened up video after video and was just transfixed by their sound that was new, yet very old and familiar to me. Brought me back to my metal days, which believe it or not, brought me comfort. Hard to believe that the heart pounding rhythms of metal music can bring comfort, but it's possible. Anyway out of all the songs, one really stood out to me and that's the one I'm going to share with you. Here is Swedish metal band Avatar with their song "Silence in the Age of Apes".
I understand that that isn't going go be for everyone, but it's a wonderful thing to hear something that takes you out of your comfort zone, so just sit back and enjoy.
I wanted to remind you to go check out the story I wrote. I really just want people to read it at this point. I took the paywall off of it, so it is free for everyone to read. Please enjoy it and let me know what you think.The Patchwork Knight That link will take you to chapter one. When you get to the bottom of each chapter there is a link to the next chapter, just click on it and it will take you there. I really do think this is my finest writing and I hope you enjoy it. Peace in and goodnight.
I'm happy to announce that my face is almost back to normal, although I'm sure there are some people that would argue that it's never been normal. It still has a grainy texture to it, but it's more like 2000 grit sand paper at this point. Needless to say, I'm pretty happy about this. I have some ideas for pictures and the sooner my face gets better and my skin heals, the sooner I can put those ideas in motion.
I found another new show that is really good. It's called Alice in Borderland. It's a Netflix original from Japan. If you don't like subtitles you can always turn the dub on. I personally hate dubbed movies, so I'm happy to read it. Anyway, it starts out as 3 misfit guys get into some trouble and avoid the police by hiding in a bathroom stall, but then the power goes out and when they exit the stall everyone has disappeared. They find themselves completely alone or so they think they are. A prompt comes up on a giant screen directing them to go to the game arena to play a game. Turns out it's a deadly game but if you survive you get a visa for 3 days. You have to play another game by the end of those 3 days or you are killed. It's really fantastic and you should give it a try. I'm not finished with it yet. I just turned episode 7 on right now.
I promised that I would have those temple pictures for you this week, but I failed to get around to them, so I'm going to share with you my favorite photo of the shoot. Before I do though, I have posted a few pictures to the CSP Instagram, so if you want to see those, please go check them out and give them a like. Here is my favorite picture of the shoot. I haven't posted this one yet, but it will be going up tomorrow around noon.
Let me know what you think about it. One of my nieces has been kind enough to send me some keto products so that I can test them out and let her know about them. She send me a large bag of almond flour, which I will eventually make my keto cookies with, but I wanted to try something new last night, so I made a dredge and did breaded pork chops. I used one cup of the flour with salt, black pepper, turmeric, onion and garlic powder and paprika. Don't ask me how much of those other spices I used, cause I have no idea. I mostly cook by feel, so it's usually what I feel is right. They ended up coming out great.
Yeah, the one in the middle is a little darker, but it wasn't burnt, that was just the color of the ghee after the first two were cooked. Had those with a big pile of sauerkraut. It was fantastic. This morning I tried out some keto pancakes. I found a mix at Target and decided to try something different for breakfast. I don't have a keto friendly syrup so I just drizzled organic peanut butter on them. They were dry, but good. I had strawberries on the side, next time I'll slice the strawberries up and put them in between to give me some of that natural sweetness and moisture to them.
I'm not going to say much about this, but I've found someone that can sit with my mom from time to time. That means a little time to myself. It will probably only be 1 or 2 times a month, but just a few hours a month will be way better than what I have now. This gives me that free time to clear my head, and I might be able to fit some photoshoots in. It felt so good to be behind the camera again. It made me happy and isn't that all that really matters some time?
Ok, Favorite Song of the Week time. Taylor Swift did it again. On Thursday she announced the surprise release of a new album. Turns out, after she finished the last album Folklore, that team continued writing songs, enough for a whole other album. Let me tell you, these aren't throw away songs either, they are really good, and the first single has a fantastic video as well. I'm truly falling in love with Miss Swift, not in a sexual way, but in a, I really want to be her friend way. Anyway here is the first single of the brand new album Evermore, "Willow".
I hope you have a wonderful week and keep your eyes peeled for a special message from The Pepperoni Report. Peace in and goodnight.
It's been a rough week. My eyes once again tried to swell shut. All the things I thought were causing it before, I hadn't done at all, so I'm completely at a loss now. My skin seems to slowly get better each day, but it is still extremely dry. At least the cracking has stopped. At night it seems to get worse, and when I go to sleep and roll over on my side, the side of my face stings like it's sunburnt. I still place all the blame on dying my beard with Just For Men, and lesson learned, I will never use that product again. Oh, the latest thing that is happening, is my vision is being bothered. Mostly in my right eye, but it feels like the inner lid is swollen and sometimes like there is debris caught in my eye. I'm not sure what is more maddening, the stinging in my skin or my eyes bothering me. I have to get over this. I'm not sure how or when it's going to happen, but I will have better skin again.
I do feel lucky, because I got to do that photoshoot yesterday. It was really good to be back behind the camera. I was a little rusty, but in the end I got some really great shots. I'm not done processing them yet, not that I really do all that much to them, so I only have two to share with you tonight. Both of these kind of blew my mind when I got a real good look at them, and I always feel that's a good sign. Before I get to them I have to tell you about the locations. We didn't get all our desired spots in, but the ones we got were pretty good, especially the first one. We went to a buddhist temple that was peaceful and tranquil, it made for a juxtaposition with what we were doing. I'll have pictures of that next week. I did take a few stand along shots with out the model. Mostly to get my bearings and figure out how to set up the camera for the shot I wanted. Our next location was supposed to be a cemetery but night had fallen, and they have a strict no entry at night policy, so we moved under a bridge near the waters edge, and although I didn't use the scenery, I got some really great shots, one of which you will see below. Our last location was the Astronaut Memorial in Titusville, and I got some shots with the memorials, but the other shot I'm going to share was simply using a street lamp for light and since she is a smoker, I got some really cool shots with the smoke lingering around and being highlighted by that lamp. Without further adieu, here are the two shots I have to share tonight.
I'm really looking forward to shooting with her again, but I don't have any idea when that would be, or when I will get the chance to go out for a few hours. It really did feel good to be out. I needed it, but it wasn't enough. It just reminded me of just how stuck I am with the bare minimum of help. I'll get through this, but I am going to have a real big chip on my shoulder when it's all done.
I have realized that talking about it really gets me nowhere, so let's get to Favorite Song of the Week. This song comes from a one man band. Ok, he is actually part of a band, but he writes all the songs, and plays all the instruments on the recording tracks. With the pandemic going on he has been in a writing frenzy, and he began to notice that some of the songs really didn't fit in with what the band does, so he decided to put them out as a solo project EP. I'm happy to introduce you to Honorary Astronaut with their first single "E.K.E.".
Yes, the video is a bit weird, but that's what makes it so fun. Oh, and the band that he is a part of is The Dear Hunter, in case you want to check them out. Those albums are more like storytelling concept albums which will blow your mind.
That's all I have for tonight. Over the next few days, I'll be working on those photos. I took 157 images and as always, I won't use them all. Some of them are duds for sure, and that is all my fault, but that is how I work. I will waste a shot to see what the settings get me, and then I'll get it right with the next shot. It's all part of shooting in manual. I'm so glad I shoot in digital, because if it was film, I would have no idea what the shot looked like until they were developed. That's not all true, I would have an idea of what they looked like based on lighting and settings. I do know what results I should get from what settings, but it's still fun to try something new and step out of your comfort zone. Magic happens when you do that. Take that as a lesson. Try something new, you may be surprised by the results. Peace in and goodnight.
Let's talk about TV but first, it's been a while since I posted a photo of myself for accountability. I've spent a lot of time bashing how I look lately and how I'm not where I'm at, but that doesn't mean that I've failed at body management. I still have a goal and look in mind and I will get there, but I just wanted to keep you up to date on just what I look like, so here is a crappy out of focus picture that I took last Monday.
You can see I've maintained rather well despite my rumblings. You can also see that color fading in my beard, it's not gone yet, and I'm still having dry skin issues, but this is the first week I've gone without any swelling reaction, so that's a plus. I'm pretty sure I'm on the back end of all this now, I just have to get my skin healthy again.
Ok, I meant to talk to you about two shows I watched last week, but forgot. The first is The Queen's Gambit. It's on Netflix, and it is outstanding. It stars Anna Taylor Joy as a young chess prodigy that has some addiction problems and her drive to be the best chess player in the world stirs those addictions into some very costly behavior. It's a limited series, so this is the only season. I binged it all in a day and loved every minute of it.
The second show is on Amazon Prime and is called Truth Seekers. It comes from the minds of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. I love anything they are a part of especially if they are part of the creative team behind it. Nick plays a cable repairman that moonlights as a paranormal investigator. It has that BBC big budget (which is rather a low budget) vibe to it, and kind of feels like a spin off of Doctor Who. It's really smart and funny, and is also a short series that you can watch in a day. I'm not sure if it's been picked up for a second season, but they leave it open for one with the way it ended. If you like sci fi quirkiness, you will love this show.
Those were the two I wanted to tell you about last week. Last night I watched a documentary on Disney +. It premiered Friday, and it's about Taylor Swift's latest album. As you may know, I am a Swifty and love Taylor, but my appreciation for her grew astronomically from watching this film. It's called Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions. It is her, Aaron Dessner of The National, and Jack Antonoff of Fun and Bleachers. They were co writers on this album with Taylor, and they all recorded their parts either at their own personal studios, or as in Taylor's case, from her home. They never played the album together, and this project was the first time they actually got together in person to play through the album. In between each song, either all of them or sometimes just two of them at a time, talk about the upcoming song and the inspiration behind each song, and the stories of writing it. If you haven't heard the album Folklore yet, it is a bit of a departure from Taylor's past albums. She took a chance and wrote with indie artists that she always wanted to write with and what came from it may be the most personal album she has ever written, even though there is an underlying story within it of 3 people in a sorted love triangle.
Even if you aren't a fan of Taylor and are just a fan of music, watch this documentary. It really goes inside the song writing experience and then there is them playing each song live in the studio together. Watching that even inspired me to pick up the guilele, which in turn got me to pick up the ukulele, so I could learn one of the songs, which brings us to Favorite Song of the Week.
While watching the movie, one song stood out to me. I've listened to the album several times, but I didn't notice this one as much as when I watched it. The guitar part is fingerpicking and is really smooth, and I though it would translate over to ukulele since they were playing it so far down on the neck. Turns out I was right, and after several hours of frustration and interruptions I got to a point where I felt pretty good about the direction I was going with it. I've never been great at fingerpicking so this was an ambitious endeavor. I figured out the pattern and gave it a try with the chords that I found for it, and that's where the frustration comes in. Even though it's the same pattern over and over again, doing that while changing chords and doing it all at the right time is difficult. I finally gave up and started with the basics. Get the chords down while strumming and then tackle the hard stuff. Once the chord progressions was down, and I know longer had to look at the tab, and could do it from memory, it was time to work on the fingerpicking. I gave it the full on try, and failed miserably, so I shortened the pattern and only played half of it through with the song for a few times. Once I felt comfortable with that it was back to the full pattern. I had to stop after a few hours because my finger tips are bruised and my hands were hurting. That's the cost of not playing for a very long time. I need to get my hand and finger strength built back up. By the time that happened I was playing along with the song, fingerpicking and making the chord changes with only minimal mistakes, which could have been from the fatigue in my hands and fingers. It's going to take a lot of practice still, but I will get it. Anyway it's time for me to tell you what the song is so, for my Favorite Song of the Week, this is Taylor Swift with her song "Invisible String".
Next week I may have some pictures for you. I'm doing a photoshoot with that woman I told you about last week. It's going to be fun. I'm ready for it. Mostly because it's a chance to be creative and get behind the camera again, but also because I get out of the house for a few hours, which hasn't happened for some time. She has an ambitious schedule and ideas for one evening, but we will get as much done as we can and I'll share a few of the best shots with you next week. Til next week peace in and goodnight.
I didn't write last week, cause there really wasn't anything to write about. The days seem to blend into one another lately. I wake up, I deal with my mom who no longer has any idea who I am or where she is, then I go to sleep. Yes, I knew that was the choice I was making when I decided to take care of her full-time. What I didn't expect was to be so isolated due to a pandemic. I knew people would disappear, that's what has happened throughout my entire life.
Earlier this week, or last week, however you want to look at it, I saw an Instastory from someone I follow. I've met them once when I did a photoshoot with them. You might remember this shot, which I loved and had been wanting to get for some time.
Anyway, she was posting a rant about her life and where she was right now, and I related to it, so I reached out to her as a friend to let her know that if she ever just wanted to talk to hit me up. The really good part is that we are planning a photoshoot again. One of her issues was people always wanting something from her. If it's a photographer they want money, or other things. I just want to do something creative again, so we are going to collaborate on this shoot, and possibly many more to come. We are planning the shoot for two weeks from now. That way I can let the person that sometimes picks up my mom some time to make arrangements so that they can be here for the time I need for the shoot. We are working on location and time now, but we have to figure it all out before next week, so I can give that person a weeks notice. I don't want them being caught off guard like I always am. Don't worry, I'm not turning this into a rant on how nobody gives me advanced notice of anything. Just pointing out facts of my life.
Over the next few days I'll be working out with the camera to get in photo shape. By working out, I mean going around and taking pictures to get used to manually capturing photos again. You may remember that I like to be in total control of what I capture in the lens from the stand point of shutter speed, aperture, focal length. Yes, that makes thing much harder, but that also means that the images I capture are exactly what I want.
I'm also expecting a lot of input from her as well. I want this shoot to be as much hers as mine, since the majority of picture will be hers for her portfolio. I'll be sharing my favorites here of course, but her favorites will be for her own site and viewers.
Latest update on my face. Yeah, that's a weird way to put it. My eyes began swelling up again last night, but I caught it early and minimized it. My skin is insanely dry to the point that my whole face is scaly and peeling. It has a constant burning feeling to it and it hurts. Today I'm pushing through the pain and forgoing moisturizer, just to see if my skin will work harder to heal itself. I've tried everything else, so why not give my own natural healing powers a chance to do their thing. I'm still not completely sure why it's still doing this, but I am narrowing down the possibilities, and I'm still convinced that it all stems from that beard dye that I used. I think that it weakened my skin to the point where anything will agitate it, hence the reason why I'm giving my own body a chance to do it's thing.
I've been looking into new organic and safe dyes, and found one that is a plant based henna dye. I'm not going to try them until all the color is out of my beard. That way if something happens I know it's the new dye, and not questioning whether it's the old stuff still doing it's thing. I got two colors. I went with a natural black, since I was surprised at how much I liked having a black beard. I also went with indigo, which based on what they say on their site, I should end up with a bluish colored beard. It's not the purple I want, but It will be fun to have an odd colored beard. From what they say, the lighter you start out, the more blue it will look. Since I'll be going from grey, it should be a nice shade of blue. The more I use it, the darker to black it will get, so I'll have to spread out how often I color it, if it all works out. The natural black, should turn it to a deep brown color and only get darker as I use it. Although the idea for the pictures I wanted to get need the black beard, I think I'm going to go with the indigo first, so I can enjoy a little color in my life. Maybe I'll come up with some other makeup for a character that should have a blue beard. Regardless of that, it's going to be maybe a month before I can do it. I still have quite a bit of brown left from that crappy dye.
Time for Favorite Song of the Week. This week I came across The Crow on TV, and did what I naturally do. I watched it. I love that movie and that soundtrack. One of the best songs on it is from one of my favorite all time bands, so I wanted to share my joy with you of watching that movie and reliving all those feelings of the 90's. Here is Nine Inch Nails with "Dead Souls".
Have a great week, Oh and don't forget to read The Patchwork Knight on Medium. It is up on the site for free, and I really want people to read it. Peace in and goodnight.
It's definitely been a week. Stress eating but in moderation has gotten me through it, and with the big announcement yesterday I decided to break ranks and celebrate with a bunch of carbs. It was good, but reminded me that that satisfaction I used to get from them, just isn't there anymore. Don't really miss them at all.
Let's talk about the fact that dogs are going to be back in the White House. The Biden's have two dogs, both german shepards. Champ has been in the White House before, back when the Biden's were the second family.
Thats Champ down at the bottom of the picture. In the upper left is Major. There is something very special about Major.
Major will be the first rescue dog to ever reside in the White House. As you know, I love rescue dogs, both of my pitties are rescues and I will only get rescues for the rest of my life. I'm hoping that Major will shine a light on rescues and the need for people to adopt. It's time to put breeders out of business, there are millions of fantastic animals sitting in shelters right now that need homes. If you want a certain breed, take the time and look around you will find that breed in a shelter near you, or you can talk to your local shelter and they can reach out to other shelters to find what you are looking for. Shelters will often do trades with other shelters to help place pets that are more likely to get homes in certain areas. Morty was a trade from a shelter across the state. They were having trouble placing him in a home and sent him across state to my local shelter where I found him. Morty has had a happy home for nearly three years now. This is the part were I implore you with every ounce of my being to adopt and not shop. If you are looking for a pet, any pet, check your local shelters. Like I said, if they don't have it, they might be able to point you in the right direction for you to adapt exactly what you are looking for.
One of the most powerful images I saw yesterday while roaming around social media was of Kamala Harris walking with the shadow of Ruby Bridges. If you don't know who she is, she was the first girl to desegregate an elementary school in Louisiana. That was in November of 1960. That may seem like a long time ago, but it's only a generation away. It shows the progress of this nation, but the lack of speed of it as well.
We must do better as a nation and a people to be more accepting of everyone. The election may be over, but the fight has just begun. I am committed to making change that benefits everyone and not just a select few. The underlying story of this nation is how people of color stepped up and made change happen. Black women came out in massive numbers to lean the election the way it went. Navajo nation voted overwhelmingly for change at a clip of 97%, yet their women are kidnapped, raped, and murdered at high levels and not justice is sought for them. The vast majority of native women's murders and crimes go unsolved and uninvestigated. That needs to change. They are the indigenous people of this nation, and deserve much more than they have gotten. This link will tell you more about their plight and how you can help. https://mmiwusa.org
I have one more website for you. This origination was created by Stacey Abrams after her unfair election loss. She devoted her time and effort to make sure that no one in Georgia would suffer that injustice again, and it appears, that it had a massive hand in Georgia's latest election. If you have friends and family in Georgia, there is a runoff election in January for the two remaining senate seats. Send them this link so that they are ready to vote in those elections. https://fairfight.com Every vote should count from eery eligible voter no matter their political affiliation.
Ok, I'm done with the political stuff. I do have an update on the allergic reaction. I'm still having some problems. Last Sunday I said it was feeling great, and it was, but Monday I had a horrible relapse. I woke up Monday morning with a stinging around my eyes, as the day progressed it got worse and my face swelled. It took a couple of days for the swelling to go away, but I'm left with very dry skin and a constant itching. This was me on Monday evening.
You can see how puffy my face is and how my left eye is closing up a bit. That wasn't the peak of it either. it got worse by the time I went to sleep, which was very difficult to do. I'm looking forward to when this is completely healed and done. I won't be able to get the pictures I wanted, because I can't put any thing on my face that might irritate it. I will be searching out alternatives to dying my beard, but I won't try any until I'm absolutely certain that I won't have a reaction. This will go away, but this is the beginning of week three with irritation and itching. In the meantime, I will come up with some other ideas that won't require me to dye my beard for the photos. I may have to create my own character look, which will be kind of fun. For now it will just be in the planning stages with no trial, until my skin is back to normal. I may have to do some drawings. This will be a great excuse for me to break out the pad and pencils.
Last but not least, it's time for Favorite Song of the Week. Just a couple of days ago, Miley Cyrus released a new song from her up coming album. This is a mashup of her first single from the album and a classic rock song. When I first heard Midnight Sky, I held this Stevie Nicks vibe. I even sent it to a friend and said that I could hear Stevie in it, not her, but the whole feel of it. Miley must have had the same thought when she wrote the song, because this mashup is with Stevie and the song Edge of Seventeen. It's clear when you hear it, that it heavily influenced Miley's song. Here is Miley featuring Stevie Nicks in "Edge of Midnight".
It's a great song with a whole 70's rock vibe. I'm going to go listen to it again and relax while all of yesterdays carbs settle in. Tomorrow begins a new and the fight begins anew. Not just with health, but for a better living for all. Lift up voices that are normally silenced. Peace in and goodnight.
It's been a long week. A lot of ups and downs and self reflection. I had hoped to have some photos for you, but alas, I feel prey to an allergic reaction to the beard dye that I used. I did manage to get some test photos done, of the makeup. No full body shots, so I can share a couple of those with you. The day after taking those photos and doing the make up my face began burning and itching. It was worse under my beard which developed blisters like a really bad sunburn. Mind you, I took the allergy test that Just For Men recommended, what I didn't know is, that since the mid 2000's they have had an increase in people suffering allergic reactions to their product. The allergy test is to take the product and put a coin size amount on your inner elbow, wait 48 hours and if there is no reaction, you are good to go. I did that and had no reaction what so ever, not even a tiny itch. When I looked into what was going on, I found that people that have used this product haven't had reactions until days later, like me. It was 4 days after using the product that I began having the problem. It was difficult to sleep for several days, and I had to not only wash my beard and face a lot, but I had to use hydrogen peroxide to neutralize the chemical that causes the problem. Yeah, It appears to be one chemical in the formula that they use to bond color to the hair follicle. It causes an irritation that is not only painful but rather annoying. My face is finally feeling a bit normal now, but it is peeling like a spent hours in the sun. The beard itches, which is maddening, but that is the new skin underneath healing. Needless to say, I threw out that dye. If I want to try and maintain this look I will have to go another route, because in my research to find out what was going on, it said that this will happen with each application. I'm currently searching out alternative and safer products, but I may just go back to gray, which was really the plan from the beginning, I just liked the look so much. Anyway, here are those test photos.
I'll have to put off the photos, until my face is full healed. I've only been putting moisturizer on it for now, and that's all I want on it, til my skin is back to normal.
Before I get into that self reflection part, I did want to share with you my choice for best Halloween costume. It's a family photo from Neil Patrick Harris, and they all dressed like characters from my favorite movie, and they absolutely nailed it. Their son looks exactly like Charlie from the movie, it is uncanny.
Ok, now to that self reflection. I've been talking to someone this week and they wanted to read my stories, so I gave them the link to The Patchwork Knight. They could only get to chapter 7 before the paywall kicked in on Medium. I went to find the friends link to give them and it wasn't there. That got me to thinking though. The story never got the readership that I had hoped for, and it hasn't made any money for about a year. Part of that was lack of interest and the other was Medium not promoting my stories that were published before they started a new format, so the chapters that were up early on were basically blacklisted because they wouldn't allow them to go up for review. With all that in mind I went in and took down the paywall for the whole story. I could go back in later and monetize them and have them all go to review, but I'll let it sit for a while. This means now is your chance to read the entire edited version of the story with no worries of a special link or having to pay to see it. Here is the link for you to get started at Chapter 1 The Patchwork Knight (Chapter 1) I only ask one thing from yo gif you read it, and that is to give me your honest opinion about it. I personally think it is my greatest accomplishment, and I honestly don't know if I'll have another one. My creativity has somewhat dried up, and with the state of the world, who knows how much time we all have left. I just want people to read my story and enjoy it.
I'm just going to leave that story and the NPH family photo as my Favorite Things of the Week, and hope you have a great week. Don't forget that Tuesday is the last day of the election and if you haven't voted, please be safe and get out there and vote. I truly fear for this nation. Peace in and goodnight.
I'm tired of watching my mom slowly die in front of me. It's getting harder and harder to get her to eat, and her mind is almost completely gone at this point. She woke my up early yesterday screaming and slamming doors, saying that someone stole her shoes. After a search, I found that she had put them on a shelf in her bathroom. The rest of the day was her complaining about shoes and how no one would help her find them for the other people that stay in her room. A quick reminder that there is no one else in her room. These people are all in her head.
I have no idea how I'm going to dig my way out of this hole that I'm in. I'm definitely at a very low point in my life. I'll figure something out, I have no idea what it will be, but I'm nothing if not resourceful.
On to different stuff, that might be a bit more fun. I posted a picture earlier this week on Instagram and Facebook, and people liked it. You may remember, I've been working on this whole make-up thing. I think I've gotten somewhat decent at it. Decent enough so that it's noticeable but not noticeable. Here is the photo.
Here is the thing about that photo. Everyone noticed the eyes, which was the intention. I went with a bold look. What people didn't notice, is that I'm completely made up. Foundation, concealer, highlighter, bronze and contour. The only thing I didn't do was my eyebrows, because I haven't really figured those out yet, but I'm working on it, and I'm getting closer. I like the look and I'm learning more every day on how to do things right and not be a complete disaster.
I also did something else this week and at first, it was a shocking as I thought it would be.
That was before touchups, but I went as dark as I could find for these photos I want to do. The weird thing is, I'm actually liking the way it looks. My hair (when I had it) was always brown to light brown, with being blonde in my adolescence. Yeah, for the rest 10 or so years of my life I was a toe head. Even stranger than that, when I was born, I was a red head for 3 days. That's not important though. The thing is, I've never had really dark hair, so I was sure that I wouldn't like it, and once these pictures were done, I would get rid of it, and just go on with life, but I'm actually liking the way it looks now. It's not some vanity thing where I'm trying to look younger, as a matter of fact, I don't think it makes me look any younger. I just think it frames my face better. In the end, it has given me some ideas that I want to try a little later on, but this has opened my eyes to some possibilities for new looks, that I didn't even know were there.
This was from earlier today after touchups and the color having a day or so to set in. I do think I look like an entirely different person, and that just seems fun. I like the idea of not being myself for a while. If only I could go out and be around people, it would be interesting to see if I acted differently, and other than myself. Those days are long gone for now, and I don't see them returning any time soon. Thats not just because of the pandemic, but also the fact that I can't go anywhere. The most interaction I have with people is at the grocery store, and when I make an occasional trip to 7-11, and those social encounters are exactly what you think they would be. Typical costumer interaction. It's all I have though, so I'll just look forward to those moments each week. Good news is, tomorrow morning is when I do my grocery shopping, so It's social time everybody.
Quick mom update: I can hear her in her room right now fighting with the girls she lives with. It's the typical argument of, "NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU ARE UGLY!". Here is the thing, my mom never talked like that. She would never call anyone ugly. It's just all around disturbing. Oh yeah, that reminds of one other thing that happened yesterday morning. When I gave her her shoes, she threw them at me and said I threw them at her, then she began screaming like someone was hurting her. I was ten feet away at the time. When she gets that way, I really worry that someone is going to call the cops and have me arrested for abuse. She also later went out on the front porch and when I went out to make sure she was safe, she took her shoes off and tried throwing them at me again. They didn't make it because she hit Morty in the head both times. Two things are fortunate in this matter, she doesn't have the strength to do any real damage, and Morty being a part pitty, has a real thick skull. He wasn't even phased by it, which is why she managed to hit him twice. He just sat there and took it.
It's time for Favorite Song of the Week. This is a cover song that takes me back to a real fun time in my life. It also reminds me of the original and how groundbreaking and good it was. The original was done by The Cranberries. Delores O'Riordan has since died unexpectedly. That was a said day for me. I loved her voice and that natural yodel that she had. This version is done by Miley Cyrus, and although she doesn't have that yodel that Delores had, she does the song justice. I really hope you enjoy it. Here is Miley Cyrus with her cover of The Cranberries classic hit "Zombie".
I hope to have some of these pictures that I have planned for you next week. These are ideas I've had for some time, and they keep evolving as I put more thought into them, but I think I'm finally ready to start getting some of these ideas done. Peace in and goodnight
So, I'm considering dying my beard black so that I can do some halloween spooky photos. It's going to look really weird, and I'm pretty sure if I do it, it's going to shock me by my appearance, but what the hell, I need a creative outlet, and right now this is all that is coming into my head. I guess that means I'll be getting some dye tomorrow when I hit the store. After that I will have to figure out the face paint. I have some ideas, but not sure which way to go. Should I go somewhat gory, or dark. I'm leaning towards dark, but I might be able to pull of a combination of the two, but subtle on the gore. Either way it should be fun.
Remember last week when I told you I was going to hang some art, well there it is. I left space in the middle for two more of them. I have two picked out, that are slightly larger than those four, and I think they will look good there, I just have to find frames for them. Of course I have to measure them out to see what size frame, and hope that they aren't such odd sized that I won't be able to find pre-made frames for them.
I do have to tell you, that I tried the Dunkin Donuts Ghost Pepper Donut. I got two of them on Friday night. I know, I really know how to party. Anyway, they had really good flavor. Tasted to me, like Frakenberry Cereal. Full of strawberry goodness. As for the ghost pepper. I could taste it in there, but I didn't get any heat from it. The second donut had a tiny kick, but I think it built off the first one. I think that if someone couldn't stand any kind of heat what so ever, these donuts would give them a kick, but for me, it was just a good tasting donut with a pepper flavor. Oh, I guess I should tell you that the pepper is in the icing. It's a strawberry icing infused with cayenne and ghost pepper powder. Dunkin is advertising them as a way to trick your friends. I am not for that at all, but these are so mild, you might not hurt someone. Here's the thing about tricking people into eating spicy things. If someone is not used to the heat, and they have an adverse reaction, the could go into anaphylactic shock. The whole reason that your mouth burns is a defense mechanism by your body. Receptors in your tongue read capsaicin as a severe source of heat, and it begins a process to protect itself by blistering. For people that are used to heat and capsaicin, this is very mild, but for someone who isn't, this can lead to your throat potentially closing and death. So don't trick people into eating extremely hot things. You can get the same reaction from them if you tell them what it is and let them decide to eat it on their own. Ok, that's my TED talk thank you for coming.
It's time for Favorite Song of the Week. I actually had a few to pick from, but this one came in hot late in the week, so the others may show up in coming weeks. Several years ago, I had the privilege to go to New Mexico, while there I witnessed a sundown dance by the Navajo nation, and it was moving. I got incredibly emotional and thanked the leader for allowing me to witness such an event. You have to understand that these are things that are usually protected and only meant for the tribe, so when they are performed in public, it is an amazing event. I'll try to put a picture up that I took at the end of this post. This song is from Portugal the Man and they are brining awareness to the disproportionate amount of tribal women who go missing, raped, and killed with no effort by local law enforcement to find the perpetrators. This has been going on for years, and it needs to stop, and they need justice. These are the indigenous people of this land, and deserve far more than they have gotten. Their lands and lives were stolen from them, we need to do better, so here is Portugal the Man featuring Weird Al with "Who's Going to Stop Me".
You thought it was going to be something hokey since Weird Al was in it didn't you? Yeah, he went serious for this one, and it was good. If you would like more information on this problem and the effort to bring justice for these women, please go here. http://mmiwusa.org Help out in anyway you can, even by just spreading the word. Every little bit helps.
This is one photo from that tribal dance that I got to see. The culture is beautiful and needs to be protected, so please check out that website and help out. Peace in and goodnight.
If you didn't get a chance to watch our first video, I'm going to post it just below this paragraph. We did really well on this challenge. We were worried going into it. We made sure we ate a good meal, and then we debated drinking some heavy cream to line our stomachs, so that we wouldn't get the capsaicin cramps. Those cramps are the real challenge. They will tie your stomach into knots and it is painful. There were not worries this time though. The chip was hot, and a normal person the doesn't chase heat would have been floored by it for sure, but it was a little underwhelming to us. Here is the video and you can see for yourself how we took it.
We have two more challenges ahead of us that we are getting prepared for. I have no idea when we will get them filmed though, but these next to really worry me. The first is the Death Nut Challenge. It is 5 levels of different spicy coated nuts, with the final set of 3 nuts being the actual Death Nuts. They are intense. I know this because they are also the Tube of Terror nuts, and I got extra tubes so we could raise our tolerance and get used to them. There is no getting used to these nuts. I tried the first one earlier this week, and I took it well, so I decided to eat two more. The difference in heat level between one nut by itself and two nuts, is insane. I also did realize that my stomach was empty. Those two extra nuts hit me hard, and the cramps from them ended up making me throw up. I have since been eating the nuts after a full meal and no more cramps, but the idea of eating three nuts at one time after having 4 other levels of spicy nuts, and then doing a whole tube, which is approximately 30 nuts. I have some real concern for worry. If we beat these two challenges, we will earn our wings for eating spicy things. The Tube of Terror will actually get us in the League of Fire, where we will be ranked among the spiciest competitors in the world. That's pretty exciting, and I really want to succeed at that challenge so I can be a part of the LoF. We got some serious training to do. I've been doing a minimum of one nut a day, but my buddy doesn't have his tube yet, so he's going to be a little behind. He has no idea how hot those nuts are. I've explained it, but it really is something you have to experience for yourself.
My buddy was gracious enough to give me an incredible print by an artist named Mumford. It is of The Crow, and lights up under black light. I finally went out and got a frame for that, as well as some small frames for my Llewellyn prints (I still need more of the smaller ones) and hung it last night. I still have to figure out the proper layout for the smaller ones before I hang them, but here is that Mumford print.
That is under a little handheld black light. I'm going to have to get some bulbs for a real display, but it looks really cool in the dark. The other prints are going to go around my Emek of David Bowie. If you remember one of the prints is of David Bowie. I have three other small ones to go around it, with possibly two more. I just have to find where I put them. I think I'm going to hang them at each corner of the large print and leave space in the middle for two more. If I don't have them, then no worries, it will still look good, but if I find them, they will look real good with three on either side of the print.
That is of course the wall and Emek print. Just image three small prints on either side of it. It will look fantastic.
I do have some larger prints, but I will have to find frames for them, and a different place to display them. The ones going around the Emek are all the same size 5x7. The other ones are some odd sizes, that I haven't measured out yet, but I have a feeling finding frames for them is going to be difficult. I'll jump that hurdle when I get to it though.
I don't have much more to say this week, other than early voting and mail in voting has begun, so do your part, raise your voice, and be counted. Go Vote. Peace in and goodnight.
You may or may not have noticed, but I forgot to post last week, and of course, today isn't Sunday. I have no excuse for last week, but today is because tomorrow should be a pretty full day. I'm actually going to have a social date. I really lack a better term for it, other than a get together with a friends family. Don't worry, everyone is healthy and safe, which is why I'm doing it, plus I definitely need to get out of the house and a way from life for a while.
We are going to grill some burgers and a few experimental dishes. I'll tell you about them next week, if they are any good. We are also going to be filming our first challenge in a while. It is the return of the Paqui One Chip Challenge. They just released their new chip, and it is supposed to be more demonic than last years, with the addition of Sichuan pepper, that supposedly added numbness and tingling. I'm still not sure how numbest is a bad thing in this kind of challenge. If everything goes right, I should be posting the video on Monday evening, maybe afternoon, to a channel that we created just for our exploits in pepper and spicy challenges. It is called Epic Inferno, and you can subscribe here so that you don't miss any new video as it posts Epic Inferno YouTube
We are pretty excited about this new channel and the challenges that we already have set up. As I said,
we are kicking it off with the Paqui One Chip Challenge. We will follow that up with the Death Nut, and then the Tube of Terror. They should all test our tolerance, which I was thinking was pretty good, until I ate a habanero yesterday and it scorched my throat. It is different eating raw pods though as opposed to some kind of food item, but these are still going to hurt.
Here is why I thought my tolerance was better. The other day I made burgers, and cut up there dragon's breath, and two reapers. Those two are comparable on heat. These were all small in size, but with these superhots, size doesn't always matter. Half way through my first burger I had the razorblades in my mouth, but it wasn't enough to stop me. I quickly finished off the second burger and enjoyed the ride, which was about a half hour of mouth melting heat. The good part was that there was no throat burn. That is the burn that always gets me. It causes that slight bit of panic when you have some trouble with your throat. It's just a very uncomfortable feeling. If I remember right these chips do have a tough throat burn, so expect some pretty fun reactions from these.
With our first three challenges set, we will need others. More than likely we will try and fill up time with pod reviews for different peppers, ranging from mild to superhot. The mild probably won't be that exciting for non chili heads, but the superhots should be just as fun as watching these challenges. There are tons of spicy challenges out there. I know of the world's hottest chocolate bar, and the nitro gummy bear (a 9 million scoville heat unit gummy bear). We shouldn't have a shortage of content for people to enjoy. Right now we don't have a schedule or even know how often we can film these, but I'm hoping we can do our best to put up one a week. At least for the next three weeks. We will just have to see.
A little garden update. This is the Blue Balloon flower, and it's pretty fantastic. I'm hoping this will take over the majority of the garden, since a lot has died due to the excessive heat we have had this summer.
Pretty awesome flower right? I still got the peppers growing as well, although they are being attacked by white flies right now, and I have no idea how to get rid of them. Anyway, this is my harvest today. I got several varieties with most of them in the medium to superhot category.
The left is right out of the garden, and the right is them spread out to dry after cleaning. There are two types of ghost, some chocolate brain strain as well as yellow, some MOA scotch bonnets, papa dreadies, orange and puma peach habaneros, black but x chocolate naga brain, Madam Jeanette, foodarama, plum gum, and primo x BOC. The habaneros, jeanettes, and bonnets are all that medium heat, while the rest are all in the superhot category. As much as I would like to be able to eat all of these, I will be freezing most of them so that I can dry them out and make powder later on. I just can't eat them fast enough, there's like 20 orange habaneros there. The most I've ever eaten in one night was 7, and that had me on fire. All of those with the exception of the Jay's red ghost scorpion, ( the long ones in the super left hand corner ) all have great flavor. I'm not fond of the floral flavor of ghosts. I love them the smell, and I love them as powder, but as a raw pod, they are just gross.
Time for Favorite Song of the Week. If you haven't been following the epic rock battle between Nandi Bushell and Dave Grohl, you are missing out on some of the best stuff coming out of this pandemic. It started when Nandi did a drum cover of Everlong, in which she challenged Dave to a drum off. Dave saw the video and obliged by a cover song of his own challenging Nandi to do it as well. She turned it up a notch and did it flawlessly. Dave then had to do the honorable thing and take it up another notch and wrote an original song just for Nandi. What was Nandi to do with that? Well, here is the answer. This is Nandi Bushell with her original song "Rock and Grohl".
Come on, how can you not love that. The next step is as Nandi says, and they collaborate on a song together. This pandemic hasn't been all bad.
That's it for this special Saturday edition. If I live through the challenge, which by the way, won't be just the One Chip (you will see it all on the video), you will see a video on Monday, if you subscribed it will be in your subscription page, Not sure you can click on the bell yet for notifications since we don't have any videos up yet, actually just checked, and the bell is there. Just click on the bell and hit all. That will give you a notification on your phone or your email when we post a new video. Peace in and have a great Saturday
I'm writing this now, because I once again got screwed over. I was told that the person that occasionally comes and takes my mom for a short while would be here today ( no time was given, and never is ), but they have failed to show up or even let me know they are not coming. I actually made plans based on that, and told friends I would meet up with them for a little much needed social time. Looks like that won't happen. This is my life now, and once again I am reaffirmed in my knowledge that those that say they will help, truly don't mean it. This goes back all the way to the beginning of this. I was told to ask for help and that they would. I was even told that we should all come together for my mom. Turns out, what that meant was that I should give up everything and listen to how I should do it all a different way. I was invited to a friends on the 4th for dinner and to watch the season finale of The Walking Dead. I was going to ask the person that was coming today if they would just come over and sit so I could do this. I was already doubting that they would say yes, now I absolutely sure that they won't. When this is all over, they will get nothing from me. I will be done with all of them. I have asked for very little, and not even the minimum of my requests can be answered. When family fails you, you truly have nothing left.
With that out of the way, lets get to something more pressing. I'm going to get a political for a second, so if you don't want to read that, skip to the next paragraph. This is for the third part voters. I get it, I understand that you want immediate change. I do as well, but this election is far to important to enact your privilege to vote for a third party candidate. That happened the last presidential election and look what we have now, two stolen supreme court seats. Put your privilege aside for a moment and do what is right for the country. I beg of you, but as you saw above, my pleas are rarely answered, so I fully expect this election to be another crap shoot.
As you know, I'm a little monster, as in I'm a Lady Gaga fan. She released a short film for her latest song 911, and it's weird, but by the time it ends, it comes together and slaps you in the face with sense. It is an amazing video and it is the one I"m going to share with you today. So, here is Lady Gaga with her new short film "911".
I'm just going to go and make an early dinner and call it a day. Peace in and goodnight
Nearly forgot to write this today. It's easy to fall out of a habit, and much more difficult to reestablish one. Part of the reason I nearly forgot, is that I really don't know what to talk about. I guess I'll start with the accountability photos. You can see just what a disaster I have become by getting a little out of control with my eating. Once again, still eating healthy, I was just eating whenever I felt like it with no plan.
You can see that I am quite a bit softer than I used to be. This has sidetracked me in a ton of photos I've been wanting to take. I back on program now, and recommitting to myself and better fitness. Just to put it in perspective, here is a photo from before.
I will get back there and better. My eating times are much more strict and fasting has been put back in place. I'm still wary of doing a 72 hour fast, due to the pandemic. When you go for more than 24 hours, you put your immune system at jeopardy. If you can stay home that entire time, plus a couple more days, you will come out better off, but since I never know what the schedule is, since people will not let me know when they are coming or when they are calling, I have to give up on a reboot fast. I really would like to do one, not for weight loss but for the whole baseline aspect of it. I just want a good full reset. It would be nice to start over fresh at something.
Guage, aka, Baby Girl, aka The Shnuggie is doing great. She is fully healed up and not having any problems with her ears at this time. I'm sure that will all change, but for now, it's really nice to not have to worry about her. That is one thing at least, off my plate.
Oh, I do have something I can talk about. Me and my buddy will be doing a couple of videos soon. Not right away though, because we have to prepare for it. We have to spicy challenges ahead of us. The first one will be the easier of the two, but stating that it is easy, is a misnomer. It is called the Death Nut Challenge.
If you blow that up, you can see what is in each section of nuts. The very first one, is made with two of the hottest peppers in the world. Granted, in this form they shouldn't be as hot as the pods themselves, but they should still be far above what most people would ever eat spice wise. I expect the first set of nuts to be slight above Ghost pepper level. The idea is that you have to have each section in your mouth for a full 15 seconds, and then you have to wait 1 minute before going to the next stage. Once they are all gone, I think there is a 5 minute burn, that you have to get through without having any water, milk, whatever to try and quench the fire. As you can see, saying that is the easy one, should have you pondering what the next one is.
Challenge 2 is the Tube of Terror. I think it is 30 peanuts that are stage 5 of the Death Nut Challenge. You can only eat them 2 at a time, and you have 10 minutes to finish the tube with a 5 minute burn to follow. The big difference with these, is that they put capsaicin crystals on them the measure 13 million on the Scoville Heat Units scale.13 million sounds like a lot, and it is, but although they haven't officially measured the scale of these nuts, they believe that they are at about 3 million. That is hotter than a Carolina Reaper, but quite a bit. It wouldn't be the hottest thing I've ever had. I did have an extract that measured out at 7.1 million, and I can tell you that it was insane. The downside of extracts is, that they have a chemical taste to them, which is pretty nasty. I've seen that these nuts supposedly have a really great flavor to them, so I'm a little worried and excited about both of these challenges.
Although are tolerance is pretty high right now. We need to get it a bit higher before we do both of these challenges. For me right now, my tolerance is at a point where habaneros hit me like a jalapeño. I barely feel any heat from them at all. I just know that there is a slight burning sensation on my tongue. In order for me to really feel the heat and get my eyes watering, I have to eat something higher than a Ghost pepper. That gives me a minor sense of panic still. I'd like to be eating reapers at the level. Then I would feel pretty confident going into both of these challenges. Regardless of how high we get our tolerances, it won't really prepare us. These are going to be brutal. It's going to be fun.
Since I only do this once a week (for now), I have been missing out on Favorite Song of the Week. I thought I would add it to this weekly post, just so that I can have something pleasant for you. This one is from a Russian guitarist, that is out of this world. He does some pretty amazing things with an acoustic guitar. His videos do have some tracking, so not everything is actually played live, but about 90% of it is, and when you watch this, you will understand just how difficult it all is. This is Alexandr Misko, with an original song from his current album called, "Eventide Lullaby". I hope you enjoy it.
That's it for this week. Please be kind to each other. Peace in and goodnight.
