Pepper Salt, What

     Today was a really good day. I woke up late, yeah that means 5:15. I made up for it yesterday by waking up at 3:45. I'm doing this without an alarm by the way. It's crazy cool. Anyway, things seemed to workout great with my mom today. I doubt it was any way I fed her, but she was in great spirits today, and definitely argumentative at all, which is always a great day.

     I've been garden focused the last couple of days, and doing some replanting, seed planting, and moving things around. I did promise you a picture of the brussel sprouts. I want to share a picture of what they originally looked like first though, just so you can see how much they have grown.

     That's them in the bags, well four of the bags. Strawberries are in the other two. Here is what they look like now.



     Big difference right? I still have to move them to a new location, since they are outgrowing that area real fast. I also need to take some of those bottom leaves off so that they are ready for the sprouts.

      I started out the morning as I usually do, cardio, meditation, then check on all the plants. After that was done, it was time to dry some peppers. Since my buddy brought me so many, I took half the yellow moruga, some of the hottest peppers in the bad, and dried them out in the oven. This was my first time doing this and I was worried about baking them and ruining the whole thing. Everything worked out though. That's the dried peppers over there. I found a mortar and pestle and a local store that worked out way easier than I thought it would to grind those peppers up into powder. The idea, was that I would mix this with salt, and have the ultimate spicy/salty mix. It did not disappoint. I tried it alone, and you get that nice salty flavor for a second or two, before the pepper punches you in the throat. The burn starts there, and then slowly works its way to the front of you mouth and finally your lips. It's not super intense like eating the pepper by itself, but it's spicier than any cayenne pepper you have had, I'll tell you that. 11 peppers gave me enough to fill 3 little Real Salt containers. I mixed them 50/50 with the salt already in there, and I think next time I may go 75/25 in favor of the pepper. I had it on my taco meat tonight and it was fire. I loved it.

     We went to the plant nursery today in hopes that the Farmer's Market would be open and we could get some of that amazing sauerkraut, but it was closed, and I was bummed, but we did get a few plants for the front garden. I wanted some mint, since mint detracts bugs, and a few flowers to attract pollinators. This is how it looks now.



     Not bad for someone who knows nothing about gardening. Oh, that's mom standing on the lefthand side there. The one pepper in the top left, has a pod growing. If it fully ripens it's going to be a real pretty pepper. Not very hot, but a deep rich red, and it is supposed to be 4-5 inches long. I can't wait to try it out. Two of the sunflowers that I planted in there have sprouted as well. They still haven't dropped the seed shell yet, so you can't see them, unless you zoom in real close on the top left hand corner of the wall. You can see the tiny little sprout and seed shell in the dark spot. The one in the middle is even smaller and hasn't fully broken the ground yet. I'm waiting for the final one in the top right hand corner to make it's move, but it's taking it's time.

     I got more seeds today. These are herbs that are going to eventually end up in the front yard. The first one is Marshmallow. Yes, before Marshmallow was a sugary waste of calories, it was an actual medicinal herb that today's marshmallows are derived from. I'm really looking forward to growing this and actually tasting it, to see what real marshmallow tastes like. The other is Honeywort. I can't remember what its supposed to taste like, but it has these really neat cone shaped flowers that bees just adore. Bees means pollination, and I love bees and pollination.

     Over the last couple of days, I've had several seeds sprout, too many to really get into, but two of them I'm pretty excited about. The Chocolate Cherry Sunflower, and the Tongues of Fire bean. This is my second attempt with the Tongues of Fire, so I'm super stoked that it finally popped. I gave one of my Chocolate Cherry sunflower pods to my buddy, for his daughters flower garden. Every little girl should have garden with a chocolate cherry sunflower in it. It's growing pretty fast, and I'll be potting it in the next couple of days. Which reminds me, my other sunflowers are doing pretty fantastic themselves. I've planted them in the ground now, because they were already outgrowing their pots, in just a matter of a week. They are going to be huge.

     Last but not least is my Favorite Thing of the Week. Yeah, we are doing a thing this week and it is probably my favorite thing of the year, and I've had a year of really great things happen. My weight loss is really big, and I expect to take my body transformation to new heights in this new decade, but that isn't it. My Favorite Thing of the Week, is my new found love of eating super hot peppers. I never in a million years believed that I would be eating hot peppers. If I ate a jalapeño, it was too much for me, and I would have to stop eating, to get over the heat. Now, I add super hot peppers to my eggs, or burgers or taco meat, or really anything. It's truly incredible. Me and my buddy, who is responsible for getting me into peppers, made a little video of us eating a couple of super hots, and one of them is considered the official hottest pepper in the world. Watch the video below to see how that goes.



     I would normally talk about the video a little, but I really want you to watch it, so I'm not giving away any spoilers here. I will explain the thumbnail though. I forgot to take a picture of the peppers before we filmed and all I had was a picture of the bag of peppers, so I used that. I know they aren't the peppers that we ate, but it works for a good thumbnail.

     Well, this is the final post of this year, and I hope you have enjoyed the ups and downs of my life. The new year will bring more joy and sorrow, and I will write all about it. See you next year. Yeah, I know it's a lame joke, but it's the only enjoyment I get to have. Have a wonderful New Year's day, and I'll see you on the other side. Peace in and goodnight.

I Got Peppers

 
     My Cherry Red decided to drop these tomatoes before they were ripe. I wanted them to vine ripen, but we don't always get what we want. They are currently in the kitchen ripening up and waiting to go into my belly.

     I haven't forgotten that I need to talk about the new Star Wars movie tonight, but there's a few other things I'm going to get to first.

     My buddy hooked me up. He brought over two good sized ziplock bags full of peppers and tomatoes. I had run out of peppers, and I'd eaten the one Scotch Bonnet that had ripened, so I was missing having peppers in my scrambled eggs. I have plenty to last me now.

     He also dropped off a few more seedlings of some pretty cool peppers plants. One of them is this real interesting looking jalapeño that has corking on it. It makes it look a little aged, and very cool. If I can get it to produce, I'll share pictures with you. Oh yeah, I'll get pictures of those pepper and tomatoes bags for you on Tuesday. Just haven't gotten around to taking any yet.

     I just finished putting together a new pepper video. Yes, my buddy brought some special peppers to eat for a video. Listen the editing on this is very simple. I cut the beginning and end to fit. This time I added a little extra footage over top of my own Scotch Bonnet plant. It's just over 12 minutes long, so It should take a couple of hours to upload. That means I will wait to do it overnight tonight, and have it go live on Tuesday so I can put it in Tuesday nights post. I won't give anything away, but I ate two peppers for this one. A Red Moruga Scorpion, and the beast of all peppers (officially), the Carolina Reaper. You will have to wait for the video to go live on Tuesday to see just what happens to me, and why I ended up eating two peppers instead of just the one.

   

     That right there is the picture I was trying to post on Thursday night, but had no luck. What you can't see in that photo, is how enormous my brussel sprouts are now. I'll get a picture of the for Tuesday as well, but I'll probably move them soon. They are filling up the whole area they are in now, and I need to move them so they have more room. I had to move the strawberry and tomato plants I had in there with them so they would have more room and they filled that area up fast. Those pepper plants are out there to get a little more sun so that they can build up their strength and then get moved to the front yard. The ones in bags are staying out back and the one on the far right is my fish pepper, which has grown since that picture. It's taken off since putting it in it's own grow bag. I've had several seeds sprout, including the chocolate cherry sunflower, which has a really neat red stem. I'm still waiting on the peppers I planted in peat pods. This was my first time using that type of set up, so I'm anxious to see how they work out. My buddy uses them with great success.

     Ok, let's talk about Star Wars. I really enjoyed the movie. It was my whole childhood coming to a culmination. It was a little sad because the R2-D2 and C-3PO saga is now complete. Yes, I know that it's being called the Skywalker saga, but tell me this. What two characters are in every single movie? That's right, the two droids, so in my eyes, it's their story. It also hit me, that there is a good chance that JJ Abrams named the two lead characters after Howard Sterns parents, Ben and Ray Stern. Yes, Rey the character in the movie is spelled differently but you can not tell me, their names were not the influence for those character names. Ok, the big controversy of the movie, which angered a lot of easily offended people, was the same sex kiss. When I watched the movie, I had that in mind and was ready for this big explosive scene that was in your face. It wasn't. In fact it was so in passing that I was upset that it wasn't the couple I expected it to be. It was a very quick scene as the camera panned through a large group of people. If you don't want any spoilers, stop reading now and pick this up with the next paragraph. You're not looking right? Ok, I'll get on with it. In the first movie it was suspected that Poe Daemon was gay. I got that read from the character as well, especially since he seemed to have a crush on Finn. That lead me to believe, that the big explosive in your face scene was going to be Poe and Finn kissing. That wasn't the case, and I was a bit upset that they seemed to go out of their way to make Poe seem straight despite the obvious jealousy that Poe had of Finn and Rey's relationship, or the way Finn pined over Rey. Maybe that was the set up for the let down of the whole same sex kissing scene. That's just my take anyway. I still really enjoyed the movie.

     Ok, if you skipped that last part, you can come back and read what I wrote after you've seen the movie. Oh, I should give you a weight loss quick update. I do the official weigh in tomorrow morning, so I don't have those numbers for you. I do have some pretty surprising numbers though. I have those fat calipers and pulled a 16.9% body fat, which was a huge shock to me. The last time I checked it I was at 18.5%. That is a huge jump. I decided that I would measure my waist for that good ol' waist to height ration. I pulled a .5. The last numbers I got from that was a .512. That .012 was the difference of a half inch. I lost another half inch on my waist, despite the fact that I weighed in at I think 150 this past Monday. That is more proof that I've been gaining muscle mass and losing fat. It can be done people and I'm doing it in a big way.  

     I think I have fully filled you in, and look forward to that video on Tuesday. Peace in and goodnight.

The Highs And Lows Of Not Having A Life

     Today, was a day from hell. It began with such promise. I woke up a little late, which I've been doing lately, and I need to correct that somehow. Oh, when I say late, I mean 5:30 in the morning. I meditated, gloriously for 40 minutes, and then read. When I wake up late, I don't get in my morning cardio, because right now, the meditation is more important. Sound mind and all. I was excited this morning because I was going to be transplanting some pepper plants. They are strong enough to go into the ground or their own much larger grow bags.

     That's the three new peppers that I planted in the front yard. I'm happy to say, that they are doing great out there. I got those in and I transplanted my Fish Pepper into it's own grow bag. I'm going to be ultra focused on that one, till it produces the peppers. I want it in a grow bag, so I can bring it in the house when it gets too cold for it. I'm not even going to risk putting a blanket over it when we get a freeze. I want that plant to succeed so bad. I'd show you a picture of it, but it doesn't seem to want to load up, which is kind of how the majority of my day went.

     My mom actually slept in late, which I thought was a good sign, but that wan't the case. She began immediately with the confusion and agitated chaos. These are the days that are the worst. I have to be the person that works in the facility she is living in, and even a few more people as well. She becomes very negative, and doesn't want to do anything other than sit around, and that becomes something she complains about as well. It is a no win situation for anyone involved. I do the best I can, which isn't enough, and never will be. It's also days like this that I realize that I have to get away, but there is no way to do that. I think if I had the chance to be away for most of a day, things would change for a little while. Part of the problem is that I'm here all the time, so she has created the illusion in her mind that she is in a facility and that I'm a worker. This illusion takes over to the point that she begins talking about how her son doesn't care about her, and how he just left her in this place. That is such a tough pill to swallow right there. It is hard to hear someone that you are doing your very best to take care of, tell you that you don't care. I know it is just her twisted dementia mind doing this, and is not how she feels if she knew what was going on, but it is a hard reality to face. I keep things at an even keel, because I don't want her flying off the handle, which she has done. No matter how calm I remain, that volatile potential is always there. When her mind gets riled up enough, she will turn violent and ugly. I just do my best to change the subject and stay away from her. I worry that if she hits me, which she has done, that she will hurt herself, so I stay out of reach when she gets that way.

     Let's get on a better subject. I will get to end this day better than it was. Well, that could all be relative to how you see eating a really hot pepper as being good. Anyway, I picked the two ripe Scotch Bonnets today, and plan on eating one of them as soon as I'm done writing this. I'll tell you how it was on Sunday. I'm not doing a video, because this is only a medium heat pepper, and it would be embarrassing if I was floored by a pepper that was only a measly 400,000 shu. Thats about a fifth of the last pepper I ate. I'm especially exited about his one, because I grew it. I wish it was from a seed, but I did get it when it was only a 4 inch plant with a few flowers on it. 

     Look at how beautiful those peppers are. The have bumpy prickly exterior, which screams, "don't eat me, I'm hot.". I'm going to do it anyway. I have 7 more pods behind these with 1 of them ripening now. It's the one I'm going to save the seeds from. It has a cool shape, and I've been told to save the seeds from the pods you like because there are more likely to produce a plant with pods similar to that one.

     It has been a couple of weeks since I've eaten a whole pepper. I've been cutting the last of the super hots my buddy gave me and putting them into meals. I just ate the last of the chocolate moruga scorpion taco meat that I made on Tuesday. It was really good with a nice kick. Nothing like eating the whole pepper though. It was probably habanero level heat, which would put it just below what these peppers are capable of. I still don't believe that will prepare me for what this pepper is going to do. There are so many other flavors and textures in those meals that the capsaicin has to compete with, so it never gets that full burn. I'm expecting this to be a hiccup machine the same way are habaneros are. I'm really surprised I didn't get them as much with the super hots. Different peppers clearly do different things. After I've tried this one, I'm going to dry the rest and grind them down to powder, so that I can sprinkle it on anything I want.  Could be good on ice cream. That would be wild. I would love to do it in a mortar and pestle, but I don't have one yet, so I'm just going to mash it up and make it into flakes for now. I'll put them in a small jar and spoon them out when I want some. The things I'll do to lose body fat. Yes, this pepper thing is really all about the thermogenic affect that peppers have. The hotter the pepper, the more the affect. Also I really enjoy the challenge of doing something that most people won't even consider. It's fun and little addictive, and since I don't have any semblance of a life, I may as well create some excitement any way I can.

     I'm off to eat a pepper now. Peace in and good night.

     

Up, Up, And Away

     It's been a decent couple of days. The mom has sort of leveled out. That could be because I finally got more vitamin D3 with K2. Why would that help. Because vitamin D3 is a very important hormone for brain health. I'm not saying that she is remembering who I am, she is just more calm and not as confused as she has been lately.

     The garden has been up and down the last few days. There are a lot of good things going on. The Scotch Bonnets are ripening (well 2 of them are). Flowers are popping up on multiple peppers, and new growth is abound, but the rain the last few days has taken a toll. I lost one sunflower due to the rain, and the others are hangin on by a thread. I'm being real protective of my pepper plants, and trying my best to move them around to areas that won't get as much rain.

     When the rain started, that wagon was empty, so that is how much rain we got in one night, and it was intermittent during the day and last night. The blueberry and blackberry bushes are loving all the rain, and so are the tomatoes, but the peppers have momentary lapses of wilting due to overwatering. The next two days are supposed to be rain free, so I'm hoping they get a good chance to dry out, as well as the sunflowers. Here is what the garden looks like now. Notice how big the tomatoes have gotten. They are the same size as the Scotch Bonnet now, which tower over them just a week and a half ago.

     The tomatoes are in the upper left of the garden. I've also been working on making a few of my pepper plants more lush and productive by topping them. Topping is just what it sounds like. You cut the top off of it, and take a few leaves from it, to stimulate more growth. The one I want to be the fullest is the Fish Pepper. That is the one that has those beautiful variegated leaves. This is what it looks like now.

     In a week or so, I will take more of the larger leaves off so that the smaller shoots around the stock will get more sunlight. If things go right, in two months, that plant will be full and lush and ready to produce fruit. If it goes wrong, it will die, and I'll be bummed. My biggest fear isn't that it will die, it's that I took all those variegated leaves off and the new ones won't get that beautiful splotching on them. I guess we'll find out when we find out.

     I got some more seeds yesterday. This time from a company called Refined Chiles. I ordered three packs of super hots, so that I can have some insanely hot peppers for more videos. The guy who runs the company is known for sending out free seeds. I didn't really expect any because it was my first time buying from him, but he sent me 4 extra packs of seeds, all super hots, and all pretty cool. I planted double pods of just about all of them. The only one that I didn't was one that I already have growing, which is the 7 Pot Brain Strain. I have a couple of seedlings going now, from the peppers that my buddy gave me, so I didn't need multiple more plants of that variety. All of these peppers are guaranteed to be burners, and a few of them are on the tippy top of the scale. It's going to be an exciting time when they finally produce fruit.

     It's been a while since I shared a picture of myself, for many reasons. Most of all is that I hate taking pictures of myself. Despite all the weight loss, I don't feel like I look good. I have many body issues, that being top of the list, so taking pictures of myself is torture, but I'm getting better at feeling that it's ok. So, here I am as of yesterday. Oh, I did post this on Instagram yesterday.

     I weighed in that day at 150 lbs, so my current weigh loss has stalled slightly. I expected that to happen though, so I'm not worried or discouraged at all. Since I've been right around 150 or slightly lower for a couple of weeks now, it will break soon. I did do a 24 hour impromptu fast today, and will probably be doing another a little later this week. I've skipped on a 48 hour that I was going to do last week, but I'll be doing that soon as well. I don't feel that my metabolism has slowed, since I finally have body fat calipers. My body fat % is at 18.5, which is way below what I started at. I have no real idea what it truly was, but I know I was at 39% at one point during my journey to where I am now. So, that is a minimum of 20% loss in fat. I've been keeping an eye on that percentage and my waist to height ratio, and those are still moving in the minus category, so even though the scale says I'm not losing weight, I am losing body fat, which means that I am gaining muscle as I lose weight. Pretty epic right.

     Before I give you my Favorite Song of the Week (and it's a good one), I have one more picture for you today. I forgot that I have a progress photo on the Scotch Bonnets, so here it is.

     Now for Favorite Song of the Week. I meant to put this up a few weeks ago but things kept getting in the way. From time to time, I reintroduce myself to an old song, and realize just how great it is, and that is the case with this one. I haven't done this in a week or so, but I was putting a bluetooth speaker into the garden when I would sit out there by it with my mom. A little garden listening if you will. One day I decided it was a very Bowie type of day, and just simply had Siri play Bowie. That is when this song came up, and I heard it for the first time all over again. It's light airy and fun. Typical Bowie bending genres to create a fantastically unusual sound. The title even goes with the theme. I give you the one and only legendary icon David Jones, yeah that is his real name. Ok I'll do this the right way. I give you David Bowie with "Kooks".

     How great is that song? Don't answer, I already know you are saying "so great". That is it for me tonight. I hope everyone has a happy holiday, and no I didn't say Christmas, because I don't know you or your religion, so get over it if you don't like it. If I had my way, I wouldn't celebrate this holiday at all, but I will spread good seasonal cheer. Peace in and goodnight.

A New Kind Of Update

     Instead of doing my normal update on how things are going. I'm going to do something just a little different. I'm going to give you that update, but I just wanted to share the beauty of nature a little more.

     Since I started the garden I see this beauty on a daily basis, and some days it just goes by with little notice, but others, it explodes in unique patterns and colors. This will update you on the garden and how it is going and also spread a little joy. Will hopefully joy. I do so love looking at these plants on a daily basis, even on a rainy day like today.

     The first photo I'm going to share is a pepper plant that is really unique, not just in name but also in appearance. It is called a Fish Pepper, and it got it's name because it's first use was adding it's peppers into to fish dishes in the northeast of the U.S. It has theses beautiful variegated leaves that stand out. It freaked me out at first, because I thought it was some kind of mold or nutrient damage. When I looked it up I found out that is how it is supposed to look. I'd love to show you the peppers, but none are present now. The peppers come in several colors with deeper shades of which ever color they are in stripes up and down them. They are truly beautiful and I'll have pictures of those as soon as this little plant produces.



     The next photo is of the herb garden and how it has grown, with a close up of what a runner on a plant looks like. This is from my Chocolate Mint, which has a wonderful smell and taste. This is how these plants reproduce and spread. Mint is rather invasive, so I have to keep a closer eye on it. I don't want it getting much bigger than it is. The top of the picture is Spearmint on the left and Chocolate Mint on the right.



     The last pictures of the beauty of nature are of too flowers that will hopefully turn into fruit. I'm going to do these one at a time instead of doubling up like above. Number one is one of the flowers on the new Ghost Pepper plant. It exploded with buds and flowers within days of being replanted from its original pot from the nursery. I'm really looking forward to these pods, because I want to start making powders so that I can put a little on my food each day. More on all that a little later. Oh, I just realized I'm going to have more than two photos for you in this little beauty in nature update. I will actually have 3. Anyway, here is the Ghost Pepper flower.

     Next is another flower that I was shocked was happening so soon. This is from the Cherokee Purple which in the last week has tripled in size. It started out at about 4 inches tall and now is over a foot in height. I love the smell of tomato leaves. They have a spicy earthy nose to them that is just so relaxing and enjoyable, but the flowers are these pretty little bright yellow rays of sunshine. These will turn into dark purple/red tomatoes that are the size of the palm of your hand. I'm really looking forward to eating these beauties.

     Last of the beauty in nature photos are the Scotch Bonnets. The original two are finally after nearly a month of growth, ripening. The slow drain from top to bottom of color change, going from green to yellow. It is such a fun process to see. Each day a little more color seeps into the pod. I'm really looking forward to these, because I really want to know what they taste like, and they will be the first peppers that I've grown to ripeness.

     In my quest to get more peppers in my life. I've been mincing up the super hots that my body gave me and adding them to dishes. I have also been adding cayenne pepper to just about everything. This is where that pepper powder is going to pay off in spades. cayenne is great, but it doesn't give me that heat that I want. I've become addicted to the burn, and I'm not apologizing for it. Anyway, this was yesterday's meal. Two beef patties with 7 Pot Brain Strain and grass fed, aged white cheddar. The side was fried okra, which was out of this world good.

     It doesn't look like much, but that is a super nutrient dense meal. Let me know if you want the recipe for the fried okra. It's simple and so freaking tasty. The 7 Pot had a great heat to it, and not as bad as eating the whole thing alone, but still quite the kicker and a wonderful thermogenic effect. Once again, capsaicin pumps the adrenals, raises body temperature, and burns fat at a higher than normal rate. The burn is not just your mouth, peppers are a fat burning super food. The hotter the better, and that 7 pot is at least 1 million scoville heat units.

     It's video time. The last video I will have until I get more peppers. My buddy has some red morugas coming, so a new video should be soon. I will also have a video when the Scotch Bonnets are ready, but they are nowhere near as hot as what I'm eating now. It will just be fun to make a video of a pepper that I grew. Here is the hottest pepper I've eaten to date, and it was really really hot.



     I do hope that you enjoy these videos. As painful as it looks (and it is), these are real fun to make. Like I said, I've become addicted to the burn. It is also fun to discover the flavor of these flaming pods of death. Yes, they are ridiculously hot, but they have some very intriguing flavors that are sometimes surprising.

     This wasn't the normal update, and I'll get back to that on Tuesday, but I wanted to end this day in a positive way, and this was the best way I knew how. Peace in and goodnight.

The Transcendence Is Real

     It's been a weird couple of days. Mom freaked out yesterday and went off the deep end. Days like that are no fun at all. I do my best to keep a mellow attitude about the whole thing, but it is so hard sometimes. Especially when she is standing right next to you yelling about how much you are lying to her about who you are. I've decided from now on, I will just go with the flow and be whoever it seems like she thinks I am. She has little tells that let me know who I'm supposed to be that day. Mostly I'm one of several men that work at the facility she is currently living in (the house), so that is who I will be from now on. It will make things so much easier, and she will be more relaxed and calm because of it.

      Today, she was rather pleasant. We got out to the plant nursery and Lowe's to pick up a few things, and she got in some good exercise walking around both places. I made sure to do a little extra walking around, just to tire her out a bit. I think it worked. I'll know when I wake up this morning whether she had been up during the night. Her door will be wide open if she rose.

     I spent a lot of time today working on the new garden extension, which happens to be in the front yard. I dug out a little area, cleaned and tilled the soil, and then did a mix of soil, compost and nutrients to lay as a top soil layer. I planted a few sunflower seeds (I'll be planting more either tomorrow or Saturday, depending on when the mail arrives), and I planted a couple of my pepper plants in there. Only the two strongest got the plant. They have been holding up in direct sunlight, so they got the chance for the garden life. I'm testing a few other ones, and when they are strong enough, they will go in as well.

     That is the top soil blend right there. Took me quite a while to get it all together, but I got it in, and added mulch and a little barrier fence so that it will deter some neighborhood animals from making their way in there.

     If you look close you can make out the fence. The dark spots near the brick wall are where I planted the sunflowers. In between those 3 spots, I'll be planting those Chocolate Cherry sunflowers, when the seeds arrive.

     My good luck with seedlings appears to have run out. The last few that have sprouted have had some trouble. The Chocolate Chestnut is nearly dead if not already. I had a Lemon Drop sprout, and then immediately turn yellow. I'm doing everything I can to help it out. My Okra has gone stagnant. I'm not sure if it has died or not yet. I still have a whole lot to learn about this whole growing things, and these tiny failures will help me learn. 

     I do have some other good news about the plants. The Cherokee Purple tomatoes have a few blossoms on them, which means they may produce fruit soon. The Ghost Pepper has several blossoms on it, and one of my Orange Habaneros has a few more blossoms as well. The Cherry Red has more tiny tomatoes popping up every day. I'm just waiting for those and the Scotch Bonnets to ripen.

     I need to talk about my meditation. I forgot about this on Tuesday, but the meditation has been remarkable. I'm finding myself going into an out of body like state each time now. It's weird. I can feel my body, but it feels like it's floating. When I hit that state, I'm in a pure state of bliss and peace, and it is so relaxing that it is almost addictive. The last few days I've found myself simply extending my time in meditation. I have an app that has a timer on it. It plays soothing sounds of what seems like a lakeside with crickets and wind and waves. When 20 minutes has expired there is a light gong letting me know that my time is up. Pretty much all of this week I'm gone through to a half hour or so, and on a couple of days, it was difficult to pull myself out of it. when that floating sensation is in effect, I can sometimes feel like my hands and feet are doing something and then realize that they haven't moved at all. I always bring myself out of each session by wiggling my toes and fingers and taking a deep breath. I open my eyes when the breath is exhaled, but only when I truly feel like my body is reacting to what I want it to. I know when the time is right for that big breath when I truly feel my hands and feet wiggling. Sometimes it takes a couple of times trying to make it happen before it actually does. It is an odd feeling, like I'm no longer in control of my own body, but it is very soothing at the same time. It's like all responsibility has temporarily left me, and I have nothing to consider other than my mental self. It is some kind of transcendence, and it is remarkable. You should really consider meditating sometime. Remember, healthy mind and body leads to a healthy soul. Actually I think I just made that up, but it makes a ton of sense.

     Just wanted to leave you with that picture of Baby Girl, because it is so freaking precious. Peace in and goodnight.

Frustation Factor At Defcon 18

     Today has been packed full of frustration. This all started Sunday when the cable kept going out. Since all my services are hooked up to it, when it goes outs everything goes; cable, internet, and phones. I called Monday morning, and they sent a tech out. He decided the problem was with the external lines going to the house, and did few things and fixed the problem, or so I thought he did. The rest of yesterday and the evening, everything worked great. This morning the intermittent service started up again. I got tech support on the phone and they did a software download. That seemed to work, well, it did for about an hour, and the same old problems began anew. Right now, the internet is working. I unplugged the cable box, just so I wouldn't be tempted to try and watch and get even more frustrated. If the internet goes out, I can piggy back on a neighbors to get this published tonight. The next appointment for a tech to come out, is Thursday at 8:30. I have a whole other day of this garbage before it might be solved. I'm currently watching Mamma Mia! on DVD while I'm writing this. Good thing I really like that movie ABBA rules.

     Despite all that, there have been some high points. A bunch of my seeds sprouted, and a few that were bigger than they should be. I don't remember all of them off hand, but I'll try. The chocolate habanero, okra, the other chocolate chestnut (the first one is in dire straights right now), and the radishes I planted. The radishes are the ones that surprised me. Oh, I forgot that my garden sunflowers sprouted as well. First the radishes then the sunflowers, there are things to talk about with each of them. I swear that I looked yesterday at where I had planted them, and nothing was there, today full fledged seedlings.

     I don't know if you can make it out in those pictures, but all three seeds that I planted sprouted, and I couldn't be more excited about it. Yes, those are in with my strawberries. My buddy told me that he plants his radishes amongst his other plants, since they don't take up much room, so I tried it out. When I saw those today, I quickly planted 3 more of each around the new Ghost Pepper plant. This time I'm going to watch and see how long they take to pop. I don't exactly remember when I planted those, but I think it was the middle of last week, so once again, I had something sprout within a week.

     Remember that plant above. That was the one that was on death's door. It has not only come back to life, it is thriving and out growing most of the other peppers that are sitting on the windowsill. You gotta love when something works out, now I hope to do the same with my inside sunflowers and the chocolate chestnut tomato. I over watered them, and they aren't doing their best. The sunflowers are better off than the tomato. 

     Speaking of sunflowers, the seeds I planted in the garden as a test to see which would sprout first, have sprouted. They were a few days behind the indoor pots, but that could also be because I planted them deeper. I will be planting some more in the garden, but I'll only plant them about a half an inch deep and see if they take less than a week as well. Once again, exciting stuff.

     I got some seeds in the mail today. I ordered them last week and I don't remember if I told you what was coming. These were Nasturtium, which are a really pretty deep red and black edible flower. Black Velvet Nasturtium is the real name. Strawberry Spinach, which has bright red foliage. Purple Sprouting Broccoli, which has a sprout that is bright purple when it is raw, and turns green when you cook it. Last but not least is Mammoth Red Rock Cabbage, that has deep purple and red leaves. Should make for a pretty salad, when I get all those together. The chocolate cherry sunflowers are on the way as well. Those are a beautiful chocolate red color with a dark brown center. I plan on putting those amongst the mammoth grey sunflowers, for a real nice display. The Chocolate Cherry aren't edible and only ornamental, but they will still serve their purpose to beautify the garden even more.

     I'm planning on expanding into the front yard soon. it is mostly going to be peppers, but I plan on putting several sunflowers out there as well. I also have a plan for a very special garden that will have it's own name. I'm keeping that secret for now, and I'll unveil that when the time is right. I do have to work on making the sign for it, which I was supposed to do tonight, but I'm spent from all the frustration today. Probably going to hit the sack early tonight.

     I'm going to finish watching Mamma Mia! and call it a night. No Favorite Song of the Week, because the internet is not cooperating with me, and it will take too long to embed the video, so if you can, go watch Mamma Mia!. Peace in and goodnight.

Relaxed And Exhausted

     It's been a rather relaxed weekend. Even with that, I feel exhausted. It could be the waking at 4 every morning so that I can get in my meditation in true silence, and then read a little. I of course also get my cardio in, so with all that, I think I'm wearing down a bit. This will pass, it always has in the past.

     I have the latest hot pepper eating video up. This was the Yellow Moruga Scorpion. Scorpion being part of the name should give you a good idea of what's in store for me. I explain everything about the scoville heat units as well as flavor and what I'm going through the whole time, so give it a view and get a laugh.



     I haven't had any super hots since the brown Moruga. That video will be out next Sunday. I still feel a little off, kind of like I developed an addiction to the burn. It's more the challenge of getting through it more than the actual burn itself. I've seen all kinds of videos where people have eaten the same or lesser peppers than what I've eaten, and they cave real fast or even throw up. I did have the other half of one of those lemon drops, that are supposed to be like a jalapeño, and its quite a bit more than one. It attacked under my tongue this time, which was a weird experience. It was very tolerable though, which is really strange since the first time I ate one of those, I nearly lost my mind from how hot it was. So, you can quickly build up a tolerance and raise your pain threshold in a short period of time.

    If you can't read the tag, those are the sunflowers that popped late last week. I've already had to repot them to a larger 1 gallon pot. Since then, I've had 3 more seeds sprout, okra burmese, the chocolate chestnut tomato, and a chocolate habanero. Once again, that excitement of a newly sprouted seedling is upon me. It's such a thrill when you check the pods early in the morning, and then come back in the afternoon and see a little sprout poking through the soil. I also potted my original seedlings as well. I currently have the chocolate chestnut, and chives still in their starter pots. I'm just waiting for them to get bigger. The chives keep popping more sprouts though. I don't remember how many seeds I planted. They were rather small, so it could be 5 or 6, which would be about how many sprouts I have popping up right now. Oh, both seeds in the new chocolate chestnut have sprouted. I'm going to have a pretty good variety of tomatoes in the garden. The Cherokee Purple have exploded over the past few days. They have doubled in size and are more than half the size of the Scotch Bonnet now. I'm pretty sure that by the end of this week they will outgrow the Scotch Bonnet.

     I went to the nursery today, to pick up a few things, and a plant of course. I got me a Ghost Pepper plant. It was good sized with some flowers and buds on it, so peppers should start growing soon.

     If you look closely by the pole, you can see one of the flowers. When that falls off, a pod forms and then you have a pepper growing. I plan on using the peppers from this to spice up meals. I wasn't a huge fan of the flavor of the Ghost Pepper when I ate it, but it might be better as a spice to flavor up food. I'm really hoping that when I get seeds from the Yellow Moruga, that they sprout. I enjoyed the flavor of that one a lot. It burned like crazy, but that 10-15 seconds of flavor were great. Once again, the video says it all about the flavor.

     Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I'm going to do my best to actually get a post written for the website. Based on my unofficial Friday weigh in, I'm still moving in the right direction. I will hit the latest goal, but something that will slow it down is building mass. I know, it's not a tragedy. It's actually what I want to be doing. If I can gain mass (which I have been doing) while I'm losing fat (which a lot of people say is impossible) I will be ahead of the game for my final goal, which is my ideal body. Remember muscle weighs more than fat, so if I am gaining size (which I am) then the weigh in may go the wrong direction. This will make the latest goal difficult, but all that more fulfilling when I reach it, and as I said above, I will reach it. I'll let you know on Tuesday regardless of whether I get that post written tomorrow, of the results.

     I do have a plant that isn't keto friendly for tomorrow. This is another one of those efforts to get my mom out of the house and experience new things. We are going to a pizza place to have a slice of pickle pizza. I know, sounds gross, but the description I got from the owner himself, made it sound really appealing. It's been months since he told me about it, and I'm finally going to give it a try. I have to go tomorrow, because Mondays is the only day that they make a pickle pizza for slices. I'm willing to try it, but I'm not willing to get a whole pizza. If I don't like it then I'm stuck with a whole pizza. If I try it by the slice, then i won't be upset if it's a bummer. I don't think it will be though. That one slice will break my carb limit for the day, so tomorrow will be a kind of garbage day. That will be the only meal and breakfast and dinner will be super clean. Remember, food is not the enemy. This may kick me out of ketosis, but it will only be for a few hours, and I'll be back on the fat burning train.

     Alright, I'm out for the night. Peace in and goodnight.

I Am The Garden Master

     I have become a garden master. Ok, that's being a little full of myself considering that only 5 sets of seeds that I've planted have popped, but I'm a garden master. The latest to pop are one of the Chocolate Chestnut, which I mentioned the other day. I planted a few sunflower seeds on Saturday, and 3 of them have already sprouted, I was floored.



     That is two days worth of growth right there. I was shocked at how big the stems are. Really it shouldn't surprise me considering they are called Mammoth Grey Stripe Sunflowers. I did a little experiment with these seeds. I planted those in the pods right there, and I planted a few in the garden to see which ones would sprout first. These won of course. Three is no sign of the ones in the garden yet. I did bury them quite a bit deeper, so it should take longer for them to poke through the surface.

      Why Sunflowers you ask? Well Sunflowers are garden cleansers. They pull all the toxins out of the soil, so that other plants can grow stronger and be fruitful. Plus they are rather astonishing to look at when they are fully grown. These should be no exception. The seed pack said that they should grow 6-8 feet when mature. These are going to be a great addition to the garden when they are big enough to replant.

     This little bloom began opening yesterday morning, and I just had to get a picture of it. The beauty and symmetry of nature is truly inspiring. Just look at how perfect and beautiful that little bloom is. These are pretty flowers when they are fully open, but they really dazzle when they are opening like this one. Can you understand why I love gardening so much now?

     This is also another reason. This was taken yesterday morning, and that is only a fraction of the tomatoes that are on that plant. I counted today, and what I could find were 30. There could be more hidden within the leaves, and with the flowers that are up there, there are more on the way. One is very close, and I'm hoping that it will ripen within the week, but I really have no idea when it's going to turn. I'm still waiting on the Scotch Bonnets to change colors and ripen. I think they are full size right now, but never having grown Scotch Bonnets, or really anything before, I truly have no idea. I want to eat some garden grown peppers and tomatoes.

     Speaking of peppers, yeah, you knew this was coming. I haven't eaten a super hot in a few days now, and I actually feel weird. Like I'm stalling on some sort of training. It is training in a way. Teaching myself to tolerate hotter and hotter peppers. I ate part of a yellow jalapeño yesterday and it was nothing. I barely even knew that I ate it, so my tolerance has built quite a bit in a very short amount of time.

     I got the video for the yellow moruga scorpion uploaded to YouTube, and it is set to launch on Sunday at 5 PM New York time. I will of course embed it here, so that you can watch it. I did get quite the chuckle when I reviewed it before uploading it. My brain clearly shuts down for a few minutes at a time due to the heat and pain. I have trouble formulating my thoughts. I'm going to get the brown moruga video ready in the next couple of days for next week, so I haven't watched it back yet, but I remember that it was so much worse than the yellow, so it should be a blast to watch. I do hope you get a kick out of my pain.

     Today was an up and down day with the mom. She is roaming around the house now after going to sleep an hour ago, so I'm sure tomorrow is going to be horrendous. This morning started out real good, but went down hill, since it was raining all day. That meant that we had to stay in the house, and that is unfulfilling for anyone, especially someone that has no real way to occupy their time. That means her mind goes into thought, and when that happens it turns to hallucinations and delusions. Then she tries to pick fights. I just gave her the answers that she wanted to hear, and if she would argue those, I would change my answers to clam her down. Tomorrow is going to be another rainy day, but I'm going to figure out some place that we can go, so that we can walk around. Maybe the mall or something like that. 

     When days like this happen, I get stressed out I fall into old habits. One of which is eating. Here is the great thing about that though. Since I have reformed my relationship with food, I no longer go for bad options. I just eat the food I'm eating, just more of it. For example, my normal daily caloric intakes is around 1500-1600 calories. That is a deficit while I'm working on getting down to 145, which reminds me I didn't give you the numbers on Tuesday. Today my caloric intake was 2400, and my activity level was low. I'm going to correct that low activity thing in a little while. Now for the numbers, that I forgot to post on Tuesday night. I weighed in on Monday at 149.6 lbs with a GKI of 5.3. Not bad, but I really wanted my GKI to be lower, but I thought about it and I know why it was high (still in ketosis mind you). I had eaten those chips on Sunday. My carbs were still in line with my macros, but it was still corn and flour, so it dramatically spiked my insulin, which kept my blood glucose higher than normal. It should be better this Monday. Despite all of that, I'm still headed in the right direction. That leaves only 4.6 lbs to go. Sounds like an easy feat, but these last few pounds are the hardest because your body doesn't want to give them up. I could to an extended fast, and it would surely take me down even closer, but I want to do this the hard way. I will be doing a 48 hour fast soon, but it probably won't be until the middle of next week. This coming Monday's weigh in will have to be without it. I do have an unofficial weigh in on Friday's as well, but that is only to see how my weight fluctuates during the week. Remember weight loss is not linear, it is very static. That is why you should weigh yourself everyday. It will lead you straight to madness.

     Ok, that's it for tonight, but before I go, I have one more picture for you. It's the other true loves of my life, other than the garden.

     The two best dogs in the whole entire world. Peace in and goodnight.

I Need A Title

     In the up and down existence that is my daily life, today was at the top of the ride. Yesterday was a whole other story, but that's in the past, so let's just forget about it. My mom had her biannual check up with her heart doctor today. He said that she was in excellent shape. Her blood pressure was perfect, he was shocked that she is moving around as good as she is, considering that earlier this year she broke her hip, and the best part is, he cut one of her medications in half. That one blew my mind. I am owning it all to the diet that she is eating now. It may have not gotten a ton of mental benefits yet, but that reduction in her medication is extremely rewarding.

     Now let's talk about the garden. 

     I can't remember if I showed you this one or not. that is how the garden basically looks right now, with a minor exception that we will talk about in a second. As you can see, the empty area now has some plants in there. Those are the cauliflower and broccoli I planted, and of course the new Marigolds are in the corner. In the little herb section right in the lower left corner is some french lavender, that smells divine. Now, to that minor difference. I have added a few pots of the new pepper seedlings, but that doesn't really matter much. What does matter is, that those Cherokee Purple tomatoes next to the Marigolds are double in size since taking that picture on Saturday. I"m so stoked about that. Those are the seedlings in the pots in the garden there on the right. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about those as well, especially after the near disaster of almost killing one of them. Here is a shot of the rest of them.

     That isn't even the full regalia right there. I added few more pots to finish it up. I recounted and I currently have 30 different varieties of pepper plants right now, and my buddy just asked if I wanted him to start me some more seedlings. I said yes of course. I'm on a surprising pepper kick right now, and I'm actually loving it. That led me to some very non keto chips, but I made it work. That reminds me, I have to give you an update on how the current weight loss is going. I've been too busy and preoccupied with my mom to write for the website lately, so I guess I'll put it here for now, and try and get an update next Monday. Back to those chips. They are made by a company called Paqui, and they have a special chip that they call the One Chip Challenge. It is one chip that is made with Carolina Reaper. It's supposed to be the hottest chip on the planet. Anyway, you can't get the one chip right now, but you can win one, through a bag of two of their other line of chips. The one I choose, was the hottest available on the market called Haunted Ghost Pepper.

     You know those Blazin' Hot Cheetos? Those used to be way to hot for me. I couldn't eat them, not one of them. I dug into these (well only 6 chips, that was my keto limit) and devoured them like they were nothing. The most irritating thing about them was the spicy dust. It would scatter when I bit down on it, and cause me to cough. Other than that, they were nothing, and I was a little disappointed. This also is leading me to believe that the One Chip Challenge isn't going to be all they are making it out to be either. You saw the video on Sunday of me eating the 7 pot brain strain. I've done two more peppers since then, both of them morugas. The first was the yellow, which is supposed to be 1.2-2 million on the scoville scale. It was scorching hot, but it had this crazy juicy fruit flavor in the front of it. I'm actually looking forward to eating it again. Oh, I decided to post that video next Sunday, and the one I shot next week the following Sunday. Last night was the chocolate moruga. That was a whole other level. It is supposedly the same SHU, 1.2-2 million. This one had to be at the high end of that scale. My hands began vibrating. You couldn't see it, but that is what it felt like. I also lost feeling in my hands. With both peppers, I made it around 30-40 minutes before drinking anything. The lesson out of this. Chocolate varieties of these peppers are demons. This one and the chocolate habanero, simply attack without abandon. It hurts, and it hurts real bad. This one last night woke me up at 12:30 last night with my stomach in knots. I got up and walked around and had a glass of water. It went away after about 20 minutes or so. The chocolate moruga scorpion is no joke. Oh, did I forget to mention that the full name has scorpion in it? That should have told me everything I needed to know. The picture on the right is the chocolate moruga scorpion. I had the one on the right. It maybe small, but it beat the snot out of me.

    Now for more garden news. I got a great picture today of the Red Cherries. They are growing at a good rate, and more of them pop up every day. Just look at those beauties. I'm hoping they will be ready by the end of the week, but everything is ripening slowly. There is a hidden one that is probably twice the size of the ones in the photo, and should be the closest to being ready to turn. I want to taste them, like yesterday. I counted at least 20 tomatoes growing on that little plant there, and there are new ones each day. I found two more this morning, and there are several flowers on it, that should produce more tomatoes in the coming days. Pretty exciting right? It is to me. I've watched this plant grow from a tiny 4 in plant to what it is now. More exciting than that, is when the pop from a seed. I've already showed you my two peppers and chives that have popped, but remember that chocolate chestnut tomato? You know, the crazy brown one. well I took a few seeds out of it, and planted them the same night I had it. One of them has popped and since I took this photo this morning, it has doubled in size and has two leaves forming.

     Pretty cool right. As soon as it gets some true leaves on it, I'm going to repot it, and then wait for it to get sun ready. When it does it's going in the main garden near the herbs. I have a space for that and the Tongues of Fire. Those are the green beans with red splotches on them. That one hasn't popped yet, but I only planted it a few days ago. Really this tomato shouldn't be up yet, but it miraculously is. I'm not going to complain about it at all. I'm just going to enjoy the thrill of growing a plant from a seed out of a tomato I ate, to a full blown plant that will produce more tomatoes for me to eat.

     I still have a few more peppers that I'm going to get seeds from and try to start them as well. For now the is all the super hots that I have to eat. My buddy and I are going to split the lone Reaper that he has grown and make a video of it. The Carolina reaper is scaled at anywhere from 1.4-2.2 million SHU. That is going to be hot no matter what level we get. It should be a real fun video to make. I laugh like crazy at each video he sends me. He spits out some great one line quotes. I just can't seem to talk a lot of the time, because my throat and mouth are burning so much. I honestly believe I can eat that pepper and survive it now. I've made it through some of the hottest peppers on the planet so far, and I'm still here to type this out for you today.

     Favorite Song of the Week is coming from a Saturday Night Live performance. This one was on this past weekend and it's coming from the world of rap. I love old school rap, and don't like a lot of the new stuff, but this is outstanding stuff. I'd never heard of this artist before. This performance wan't only great from an auditory stand point, it was also visually stimulating, due in part to Jabbawockeez. Those are the dancers around him in the white masks. I've been a fan of them since the first time I saw them. They move with static inhuman ability. Here is DaBaby with his hit song "Suge". 

     I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. It was just fun. That's all I have for tonight. Peace in and goodnight.

Early Start

     I'm writing this one early today, because I posted a video of myself eating a 7 Pot Brain Strain, and I wanted to have it on here when it launched, so, here is the video.



     This pepper was intense, but not as intense as the one I had last night. Which brings me to a question. I'm going to make this a series, but I have no idea when to launch them. I could have last nights ready for Tuesday, but I think that may be too soon, since I only have 1 more pepper to eat for now. So, what do you think, should I post it on Tuesday to coincide with the blog post, or wait until next Sunday to post, and make it a weekly feature, well when I have peppers to eat? The name of the series is at the front of the video Chasin' Capsaicin. Pretty catchy right? I didn't come up with it. It's been widely used.

     Did some more work in the garden and I have officially potted all the seedlings that my buddy gave me. I also added a few more plants. I now have cauliflower, and broccoli in that vacant area of the garden, and I added some French Lavender in the herb area. I threw in a Marigold by the Cherokee Purple tomatoes for good measure. I'd put a picture up, but the pictures from my phone aren't loading to the cloud yet. It could be form the massive file of video that I put on the laptop yesterday. I already deleted it, but sometimes it has to go through some process before it notices it. When ever I put anything in photos, it automatically starts uploading to the cloud for me. I turned of wifi while I was working on it, but it still managed to try and do it before I deleted it.

   
     I can show you the lady bugs I released into the garden last night. They are doing their job and eating all the aphids on my plants. I did have a struggle early on with ants attacking the lady bugs. I quickly sprinkled cayenne pepper all over to deter the ants, and it worked, but they did a number on the lady bugs. As you can see, those are my Scotch Bonnets there, and they just keep on growing. I was at the plant nursery yesterday, and they had a Scotch Bonnet with a ripe pepper on it, and it was only 2/3rds the size of my pods, so these may end up being on the top end of the SHU. Considering that is 350,000, I'm not really worried. The pepper last night was 1.2-2 million SHU. Oh, I really want to tell you how that pepper last night tasted, but I'm going to save it for the video, but it had a real surprising flavor to it.

     At the point, I now have 28 varieties of peppers growing. The bulk of them came from my buddy, which reminds me, I had a near disaster the other day. I spread my potting of the seedlings over a few days. Starting with the largest ones first, and then working my way down to the smallest of them. While doing that I was moving pods around, and I beat one up pretty badly

     I quickly potted it in some new soil that I hadn't tried out. My nursery sold out of the stuff I was using, but this new stuff was highly recommended. I thought for sure I had killed this little pepper plant, but I had to try. That was at about 7 in the morning on Saturday. I went outside about 3 in the afternoon to take a look at it, and this is what I saw.

     Pretty miraculous. I was blown away. It looks even better today, and I did take a picture, but like I said earlier, it hasn't made it to the cloud yet. I'm really looking forward to getting all of these in the ground. I have a new area planned just for the peppers, where they will get plenty of early sunlight and should grow up healthy and strong. I'm getting all kinds of new garden areas going, eventually I think the whole backyard will be garden area, which would make my lawn guy really happy.

 

     By the way, that is the picture of my haul from the nursery yesterday. That garden wagon is the best thing ever. The broccoli and cauliflower are doing great, and I can't wait to see those produce. Oh, the Cherry Red tomatoes are getting closer and closer, and so many are popping up. I think there are 20 of them on there right now.

     Now for the bad stuff. I need a break. My mom's memory or lack of it is getting to me. I find it weird that when we go to the doctor or something like that, she introduces me as her son, but any other time she just thinks I'm an employ of the facility she is stuck in. She constant asks when her bother is going to come and take her home, but she would prefer to stay here, and hearing that every day grates on my mental state. The meditation each morning has been a huge help, but it gets harder and harder. I try to come up with fun and active things to take her mind off of it, but she is beginning to fight those things. The exercise program I had for her has become a definite no on her part. She complains that no-one else in the facility has to do it, and that she shouldn't either. That's when I try to come up with places a couple of times a week for her to go so that we can walk around and she can get some exercise. I know it's only going to get worse, but I will continue to do all that I can. I'm not giving up, but I really need just one day to myself. Even a couple of hours to maybe see a movie or something, but it's not possible at this time. I'll hold on, meditate, workout, and just continue to eat as healthy as I can so that my own brain will stay functional. Peace in and, well, I'm going with good day today.