The Transcendence Is Real

     It's been a weird couple of days. Mom freaked out yesterday and went off the deep end. Days like that are no fun at all. I do my best to keep a mellow attitude about the whole thing, but it is so hard sometimes. Especially when she is standing right next to you yelling about how much you are lying to her about who you are. I've decided from now on, I will just go with the flow and be whoever it seems like she thinks I am. She has little tells that let me know who I'm supposed to be that day. Mostly I'm one of several men that work at the facility she is currently living in (the house), so that is who I will be from now on. It will make things so much easier, and she will be more relaxed and calm because of it.

      Today, she was rather pleasant. We got out to the plant nursery and Lowe's to pick up a few things, and she got in some good exercise walking around both places. I made sure to do a little extra walking around, just to tire her out a bit. I think it worked. I'll know when I wake up this morning whether she had been up during the night. Her door will be wide open if she rose.

     I spent a lot of time today working on the new garden extension, which happens to be in the front yard. I dug out a little area, cleaned and tilled the soil, and then did a mix of soil, compost and nutrients to lay as a top soil layer. I planted a few sunflower seeds (I'll be planting more either tomorrow or Saturday, depending on when the mail arrives), and I planted a couple of my pepper plants in there. Only the two strongest got the plant. They have been holding up in direct sunlight, so they got the chance for the garden life. I'm testing a few other ones, and when they are strong enough, they will go in as well.

     That is the top soil blend right there. Took me quite a while to get it all together, but I got it in, and added mulch and a little barrier fence so that it will deter some neighborhood animals from making their way in there.

     If you look close you can make out the fence. The dark spots near the brick wall are where I planted the sunflowers. In between those 3 spots, I'll be planting those Chocolate Cherry sunflowers, when the seeds arrive.

     My good luck with seedlings appears to have run out. The last few that have sprouted have had some trouble. The Chocolate Chestnut is nearly dead if not already. I had a Lemon Drop sprout, and then immediately turn yellow. I'm doing everything I can to help it out. My Okra has gone stagnant. I'm not sure if it has died or not yet. I still have a whole lot to learn about this whole growing things, and these tiny failures will help me learn. 

     I do have some other good news about the plants. The Cherokee Purple tomatoes have a few blossoms on them, which means they may produce fruit soon. The Ghost Pepper has several blossoms on it, and one of my Orange Habaneros has a few more blossoms as well. The Cherry Red has more tiny tomatoes popping up every day. I'm just waiting for those and the Scotch Bonnets to ripen.

     I need to talk about my meditation. I forgot about this on Tuesday, but the meditation has been remarkable. I'm finding myself going into an out of body like state each time now. It's weird. I can feel my body, but it feels like it's floating. When I hit that state, I'm in a pure state of bliss and peace, and it is so relaxing that it is almost addictive. The last few days I've found myself simply extending my time in meditation. I have an app that has a timer on it. It plays soothing sounds of what seems like a lakeside with crickets and wind and waves. When 20 minutes has expired there is a light gong letting me know that my time is up. Pretty much all of this week I'm gone through to a half hour or so, and on a couple of days, it was difficult to pull myself out of it. when that floating sensation is in effect, I can sometimes feel like my hands and feet are doing something and then realize that they haven't moved at all. I always bring myself out of each session by wiggling my toes and fingers and taking a deep breath. I open my eyes when the breath is exhaled, but only when I truly feel like my body is reacting to what I want it to. I know when the time is right for that big breath when I truly feel my hands and feet wiggling. Sometimes it takes a couple of times trying to make it happen before it actually does. It is an odd feeling, like I'm no longer in control of my own body, but it is very soothing at the same time. It's like all responsibility has temporarily left me, and I have nothing to consider other than my mental self. It is some kind of transcendence, and it is remarkable. You should really consider meditating sometime. Remember, healthy mind and body leads to a healthy soul. Actually I think I just made that up, but it makes a ton of sense.

     Just wanted to leave you with that picture of Baby Girl, because it is so freaking precious. Peace in and goodnight.