I went against personal convention and wrote that title last night. There is a very good reason for that. I needed a reminder of what I was planning on talking about. The title comes from a TV show that is finally getting to finish it's season. It was cancelled early last TV season after airing only 4 episodes I believe. The premise is that it is showing a person through three stages of their life. A young teenage boy, a middle aged man, and then finally a man that has lived his life to nearly the end.
I just happened to stumble across it last night while I was looking for something to watch. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it, and quickly turned the channel over to it. I was a few minutes into what turned out to be the second episode of the night. Fortunately for me, I had already set the DVR back when it was originally on to record it. I finished watching the episode that I came across and then went back and began watching the two episodes over again. The first episode of the night is the one I'm going to focus on, because of what it was covering and how it relates to me.
In the short, it was about chasing your dreams. The lead character played by Jack Dylan Grazer (young Alex), Bobby Moynahan (mid-life Alex), and John Larroquette (older Alex) is an inventor, and in his childhood, he is a promising young student that invents through creativity. In mid-life he is a down on his luck inventor that can get a step ahead. In his older age he is a successful inventor that has made millions and owns a global company. He chased his dream and caught it, but that isn't where this relates to me. Well in whole. I am chasing a dream right now.
This episode was about his brother, who decides after talking to Alex, quits his job to chase a dream. He doesn't realize his dream at this point and is trying to figure out who he is. I'm still not to the fully relating part yet. He finally stumbles across what he is meant to do. He starts his journey to being a successfully politician. In the process of that though, he questions Alex on how he knew he wanted to be an inventor. Alex just said it was something he always did, and that he could work a job for money, or he could do something every day that he truly loved doing. That is the part that I relate too. I could have easily just sat back and kept doing the job that I was doing. I could have accepted the paycheck that went along with it, but I would not be fully doing what I loved doing.
The panic attacks that I was having on Thursday are something I've dealt with for years, but it shook me a little this time. I started letting the self doubt get to me. I worried about what my future will hold. Then I watched that show last night. I was fully ready to sit back this entire weekend and just forget about all the projects that I'm working on. I wanted to get out of my head, but then that show came on. I realized that the one thing I need to focus on more than anything, is to have faith in myself.
I had neglected that. I'm a good writer, some even say a very good writer. I'll let them speak of that and I will stick to the good writer. I have more stories in me than I know what to do with. I'm writing one currently, The Patchwork Knight. I'm posting it on here every Saturday, and then on Medium on Monday and Friday. With Medium I have an opportunity to earn money with it, that is why I go through the process of proofreading and editing it so that it is perfect. The one I post here, is the rough draft and is chock full of continuity errors, that have been fixed in the Medium posts. Tomorrow, Chapter 8 goes live on Medium. Last night Chapter 34 went live here. I have already written Chapter 35 and it is ready to go for next Saturday. That is what I did this morning instead of sitting back and wallowing in self pity.
I will continue to have panic attacks and suffer from depression, but I will keep moving forward in chasing my dream. This is a rare opportunity for me. I have time to try and achieve this on my own terms. I have faith in myself that my dreams will be achieved. I am an artist. It is what I've always been, I just didn't allow it to happen. I sat back and dreamed for to long, now it's time to make those dreams a reality. Peace in and goodnight.
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