Where I blew it, was on my dinner. I had it all planned out. Zucchini pasta with vegan meatballs and avocado oil, with seasoning. Simple right? When I opened the zucchini pasta, there was a little packet of pesto sauce. I didn't give it a thought other than, my day just got easier. I would simply add the sauce and not worry about the other spices. I cooked everything up with some diced onion, tomato and bell peppers. It smelled amazing. I served it up and took a bite and the scent didn't let me down. It was good, real good. A little too good. I noticed a creamy flavor, and thought something isn't right. I checked the back of the plastic tub it came in and read the ingredients. The pesto had skim milk and parmesan cheese in it. My vegan day was ruined. Still could count as vegetarian, but that wasn't the goal. I do believe that if I would have stuck to my plan and didn't put the sauce in and seasoned it the way I wanted to, it would have been even better. I will do this again, and next time I'll get it right.
With that all said in done, I met the macros I expected. I did have to hold some things off the menu. I did have a vegan ice cream made with oatmeal for desert, but the carb content of just a serving was astronomical, so I'll save that for a day that I just eat like a gluten. All in all, I'm feeling pretty good despite the goof on my part for not reading the whole label. I am still looking for the right way to go about a vegan keto lifestyle. I just have to find the right sources of protein. I don't want to rely on processed vegan meats. I'm getting there, it's just taking some time.
I have my articles planned out for this week. I haven't written any of them yet, and one will be due tomorrow at 3. I'll get it done. I did take the pictures I need for visuals on it. Wednesday will be all about today and what I ate and how it breaks down. Plus the recipe I would have made if I didn't take the easy way out and use that freaking pesto. Friday will be a review of Rebel Ice Cream. I already have that picture as well. I bought a few pints of it yesterday and got a picture of them stacked up. It is really fun writing the blog about Keto. I'm not getting a big response, I'm getting a good response. I won't make any money off it yet, but I think it's going to grow. I see more of a response on Instagram even on days that I don't post, so I know it's grabbing people's attention. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. It's going to be a slow burn, and I'm ok with that.
The last few days of been really bad for my mom. She doesn't have any idea who I am any more. I'm beginning to wonder who I am myself from time to time. Each day I have to find out who I am by how she talks to me. Most of the time, I'm the man that works there, and other times, I'm her brother. She thinks she is in a facility down the street from her house, and she keeps wanting to go home. I find ways to distract her from that and it usually goes ok. When I try to tell her who I am, or someone else tries that, that is when she gets angry and violent, so I am no longer myself anymore. Not in the house. I can't put her through that frustration and anger, so I'm whoever she thinks I am.
The downside of this, is who she feels about me. The person that works there, is great. Takes good care of her. Her son, has abandoned her, and doesn't care about her anymore. I had to tell her yesterday, that her son is busy working and taking care of things for her, and that is why he isn't here. I could hear the disgust in her voice, that her son hadn't come to see her, and it hurt. I know what I'm doing for her, but it still feels like I have abandoned her, since I can't look at her and have her know who I am. I'm gone in her eyes, even when I'm standing right in front of her.
It gets me really down from time to time, and I wonder what will happen when she is gone. I don't know what I'll do. A family member has told me that they are going to get her to live with them, and she is wanting to do that now, but that could change in the next day. The thing is, if she goes and lives with them, it will more than likely be the last time I see my mom. I'm going to have to work my tail off to dig myself out of the whole I'm currently sliding down into, so the chance of me going to be able to visit, is non existent. It will be goodbye when she leaves, and she won't even know she is saying goodbye to me. It will simply be the man that works there. She will thank me for taking good care of her, and that will be it. I guess I'll figure it out when that time comes, if it ever does. Peace in and goodnight.
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