Why Do They Call It A Weekend When The Work Never Stops

     Well, it's been a weekend. Not a very enjoyable one, but a weekend none the less. My whole life now is work and coming home and taking care of my mom. I don't get any free time for myself. When I do get a little time, I have to go shopping and take care of things that mostly deal with my mom. Take today for example. I wanted to go see Captain Marvel, but my relief came too late for me to get in an early show that I could take care of my laundry and dinner and all the other things I have to do. I'm on lock down, and it isn't fun, but I pass the time the best I can.

     I have some pretty big news. My first really big test of my new job is coming this Friday. I have to do a job by myself. My mentor will be on location but in a different area if I need him, but the job is all mine. I'm pretty sure I can do it, but I'm going to be full of nerves the whole time. This was supposed to be someone else's job, but they have a medical test that they have to do that day, so I'm up to bat. This will also be the first time that I don't get training day for a days work. I will be getting a commission on the job, and it will most likely be 2 to 3 times what I normally make in a day, and that is a lot of money. What I make for training, a lot of people would die to make. Let's break it down like this. There is a good chance that I will make in 1 day what will amount to a 3rd or 4th of one of my bi-weekly paychecks. If this works out, I may get my own company vehicle and be out on the road by myself very soon, and that means I will be making quite a bit more money that I already am now. I just have to make sure that I double and triple check everything I do, so that there are now mistakes.

     This past Friday, I did a lot of work on the job that we did, and I managed to get things right. I took my time and it was a little longer than what it takes my mentor to do it in, but since I never stopped working, we still got down around the 2-3 o'clock hour. The rest of the day was relaxing except for the fact that I had to wait for a healthcare worker to show up and bother my mom after she had already gone to sleep. She was 3 hours late, and I was waiting to watch Spiderman Into the Spiderverse. I didn't want to start it and then have to stop it when she arrived. This happened the first time she showed up. It was unannounced and late in the evening. I was just sitting down to dinner, and ended up having to throw out half of it, because it got ice cold.

     I guess an update on the new eating habits is in order. I can confirm that I have lost 6 pounds since last Sunday. I'm feeling better after a rough beginning to the week, and I'm making this eating a habit and not a diet that will go away after a few weeks. I have decided that once a month I will have a garbage day. That is the day I will eat anything I want, and get in those terrible food choices that I alway made before, but then it is back to the clean eating. Oh, an added benefit that I didn't know was going to happen. My skin feels and looks better. I didn't expect that all. I noticed it about 3 days ago, so if you just want better skin, then Keto may be for you. Once again, it's not easy, and on long days when I'm not doing anything like today, cravings do hit me, but I just drink a big glass of water and maybe a few macadamia nuts, and I'm good.

     I promised you a picture, and a picture you shall have. I told you that I got something, kind of in honor of getting the new job. The reason it took so long, is because these were custom made. I designed a new pair of Chucks, and they are very much me.

 
     What do you think? I love them myself, but of course I would, I designed them. I needed a new pair of purple Chucks, so why not make them exactly as you would want them, so that is what I did. I got to wear them yesterday for the first time, and they are just as comfortable as every pair of Chucks that I have owned.

     I went old school with the photo and put them on the good old chess board, instead of my photo area in Saki's lounge. There is a reason for that. The lounge is a mess right now. I have had a ton of little projects going on, one of which is testing for the new book case. There are also my work tools out there which is taking up a lot of room, and then there was all the tools I had out to get the battery out of Saki. I am proud to say, that Saki is alive. I got a new battery yesterday and got it charged in time for a short afternoon ride. I didn't film it, but I'm planning on a new video very soon. Hopefully I will have it done this week. It was such a great feeling to be on Saki again. The wind rushing past. Getting a little slide around a  corner as the back wheel kicks out, and feeling that power underneath me. It is such a smile inducing feeling. I was also able to fit in my Alpinestars jacket again. It even fit better than when I bought it, and that is due to the weightless that I have experienced.

     I have a baseball game to watch, as well as cloths to wash and a dinner to make. I hope the rest of your day is grand. Peace in and goodnight.

The Tide Is Rolling Out

     The tides of change have come upon me. No, I'm not out of the spiral yet, but I could have a step in the right direction. My energy levels are no longer low, and I'm beginning to feel myself again. I have still had no sugar, bread, pasta, rice, or any starchy carbohydrates. Nor have I had any dairy this week. I knew that this would be tough and it has been especially the last few days, but I'm on the other side of it now. My meals have been full of protein and fats, and low on carbohydrates. Don't get me wrong, I have been eating very clean even with the added fat. It has mostly come form olive oil and butter. The meat has all be very lean, and I have been adding in spinach, grape tomatoes, and broccoli. It has tasted very good. I do fancy myself a pretty good cook, and have been creating my own recipes instead of following recipes online that are Keto friendly.

     The job has been going in the right direction since my energy levels are now on the rise. I no longer have that self doubt. I still need more knowledge to do this job, but it is coming every day. I've been taking on more responsibility with each job and doing more each day, so I'm not so far away from being something other than a trainee. That means my company vehicle will be coming soon, then I will be on my own, and my pay will increase quite a bit. I don't know exactly how much, but it could be twice what I'm making now, and possibly even higher than that.

     I forgot to mention when I was taking about my lifestyle change, I have lost 4 pounds since I started on Sunday. I'm sure that it is mostly water weight, but it is coming at a pretty alarming rate. I never want to lose weight too fast. That isn't good for the skin. That is how you end up with sagging skin and all that good stuff. The skin needs time to adapt to what is going on as well. I'm hoping for a slow down, in the weight loss, but that may take a couple of days as well.

     I plan on having a picture for you on Sunday. I just have to find time to set it up. Oh, it's nothing elaborate, it is just something I got in celebration of the new job, and I wanted to share it with you. I think it's pretty cool, and very much me, but you may not like it at all. Taste is subjective and if you don't like it, your taste sucks.

     That is really all I have for you tonight. I will keep you posted on how this Keto thing is going. Oh, I did want to mention that last night was probably the hardest so far, as it pertains to sugar cravings. I wanted a candy bar or something so bad last night, but I powered through with a glass of water and a handful of macadamia nuts. I really love macadamia nuts, and they are saving me so far on this new way of eating. Ok, I have to go take my 3000 mg of fish oil right now. This is all part of getting that high amounts of fat in my system. If you don't get why I am doing high fat as part of losing weight, I highly suggest the you look up Keto diet so you can get an understanding of how it works. Peace in and goodnight.

Sluggish And Run Down

     The last two days have been hard, for a couple of reasons. Not only am I hanging on by a thread in the spiral, but the new way that I'm eating is kicking my tale. I have eliminated all sugar from my diet, and for the last three days, my carbohydrate intake has been extremely low. When I say extremely low, I mean, I have only had about 60 grams of carbs for the last three days. I am following the advice of an expert in the field of Keto, and I'm going to a bit of an extreme. I have increased my fat consumption, but not as much as he mentioned to do, so my energy levels are pretty low. Yesterday I hit the 22 hour mark before I had a meal, that changed today. I only hit the 18 or 19 hour mark before a meal. That is a type of intermittent fasting, that I'm throwing in on top of the whole changing my eating lifestyle around. It's an extreme, but it will help me get into ketosis a little faster.

     Here is the idea behind this lifestyle of eating. You eat less carbs, and more fat and protein. Your body has to change the way it does things, and begins using your fat stores as fuel, because there are no longer a big supply of carbs going into the body. That is the most basic of descriptions, of what I'm doing. It is said that the majority of people walk away from this lifestyle in the first week, because of how difficult it is, but if you stick with it, your body will change, and you will have more energy as well as other benefits. If you want to know more, I suggest that you do a search for Keto diets. There is a lot of information out there.

     Anyway, back to why the lifestyle change is kicking my tail. Since my energy is very low, it is affecting my thought process as well. It takes a little longer for me to think about things, because my mind is so distracted by the weakened feeling I am having. This has created self doubt in my ability to do my job, which has created frustration and general grumpiness. I know that this is all about my body chemistry chaining, but it is still tough to go through. This morning on the way to work, I kept thinking about how easy it would be, to just simply drive off the road into a pylon for a bridge. All problems solved. I didn't of course, because that would be unfair to my mom and Morty. The thoughts have increased, and I do know that a lot of that has to do with my body chemistry changing as well. There are still those other triggers that I can't control that are still in play, but I'm focusing on myself for right now, and ignoring those other triggers as much as possible. This will pass, and like I'm dealing with my depression, I too am dealing with this whole lifestyle change. One day at a time.

     I made it through today, so I can start on tomorrow, tomorrow. Patience is the key here, and I have always been a very patient person. It will all work out the way it's supposed to, as long as I put in the work. This is all about self improvement, and that is not just in body but in mind as well.

     It's Tuesday night, so you know what that means. Favorite Song of the Week. I mentioned this band a few weeks ago, and they are back with a brand new song that came out late Sunday night. This is another fun video, and I ask you to give it a try, even knowing that the music isn't for everyone. The video should still entertain you, and you might get a chuckle out of it. Here is Dance Gavin Dance with their latest single "Head Hunter".



     How fun was that video? Even if you don't like the song, you have to like the video. Anyway, I'm run down tired and a bit broken, so it's time to go to sleep so that tomorrow will come and I can start a new. New day, new goals, with hopefully better results. I will make this lifestyle change, and I will be a better person all around in the end, which is really just the beginning. Peace in and goodnight.

Something Has To Change

     In a way, I took the week off from writing. It really wasn't what I planned, or wanted to do, but it happened, because lately, I didn't want to do the things that make me happiest. Even this morning is  a struggle, but I'm doing it because I need to change some things that I can have control over, and writing is something that I definitely have control over, so today, I'm hitting it in the morning.

     This Sunday morning post isn't going to be a regular thing, it is just for today, because I need to force myself to write right now. I shouldn't have stopped writing this week, but as I said, there was something in  me that didn't want to do anything creative. I just wanted to do nothing. For those of you who experience depression, you know of this need for nothing very well, for those of you who are lucky enough not to suffer from depression, let me explain a bit. For a lot of people it is an overbearing sense of foreboding. They don't want to get out of bed, they just want the world to go away, for me it is a bit different. I don't want to do the things that make me happiest, and writing is definitely one of those things.

     I have been thinking about a short story. It will be a one shot and I will put the rough draft on here as I did The Patchwork Knight, I also plan on posting it on Medium as well, once The Patchwork Knight runs its course. I haven't finalized the story, so I haven't started to write it yet. It will more than likely be around a 7 minute read, but I'm hoping it will be enjoyable for you, so give it a chance, when I write it and put it out.

     Oh I do want to share a picture with you. This is what I looked like most of the week, and although I think I make it work, I wasn't not happy. This is me on the commercial side of my job, and it is monotonous work. Doing the same thing over and over, every day. I think I could excel at the commercial side, but I didn't want to show that, so that I don't end up on the commercial team. I'm back to residential on Monday, so the thrill should be back again.

     I can do the commercial side of the job if that is what they ask of me, but it is definitely one of the things that helped me start going down the spiral this week. Not being on the commercial side isn't going to get me out of the spiral, that is entirely up to me, and there are far too many triggers still in play for me to get out of it quickly. I spent a lot of yesterday going through my old plan for what I was going to do, and how I could make the plan happen and not effect my mom and Morty, but I haven't found that solution yet. 

     I did get to see a friend briefly yesterday, and I know she could see the pain that is running through me. I went over to help her with a few projects that we are supposed to do, that will help protect her house, and do a minor repair, but I had to leave early without finishing, and it was destroying me, that I couldn't see a job finished. I only needed another half hour and I could have seen it though, but I was on an unannounced time schedule and had to return home. The last thing I ever want to do, is leave a friend hanging. It isn't who I am, and it isn't the way I was raised. I will have to plan another time that I can go back and get all the jobs done that I intend to do for her, but I don't know right now how that is going to happen. It's things like that that put added stress on top of the already mounting pressure that pushes me down the spiral. I am no longer going at a walking pace, I am at full sprint downward.

     Here is another thing that I'm going to change that I do have control of, and that is the way I eat. I've decided to go Keto. Don't worry, I'm not going to preach the benefits of this diet. If you want to know anything about it, look it up and decide for yourself if you want to do it. I think that this diet or in my case, lifestyle change. Yes lifestyle, because this is the way I will be eating from now on, this isn't intended to be a 28 day thing, or a six month thing, or a "I'll stop when I hit my ideal weight" thing. This is a full on lifestyle change. We all know that sugar is bad for us, and I have quite a large sweet tooth. I have maintained a decent weight despite my sugar intake, but I'm getting older and that is harder to do with each day. I do think that when I kick sugar, it will improve my mental thought process, and it will potentially help get me out of the spiral. This is by no means going to be easy, and I know that, but I've already started the new changes today. My breakfast was very Keto friendly and my dinner will be the same.

    The new plan is for me to only eat breakfast on the weekends when I'm not working. During the week I will only be eating one very clean meal in the evening, with a Keto friendly protein bar in the mid to late afternoon. This will all be forms of micro fasting, or intermittent fasting. Take your pick on which name you want to call it. I'm going to go through some rough body chemistry changes, but in the end, it will all balance out and be for the better. This should help clear my head as well as my body.

     What does this mean for the TPR? It shouldn't change it. On the days that I have to do the TPR I will act accordingly. I will only have two slices as opposed to my half a pizza, and I will only eat that for the day. That will be my entire carb intake for the day. I may be able to sneak a few macadamia nuts in during the evening hours, but this will all work out. 

     My hopes are not just for weight loss, but for clarity of mind, and also more energy, so that I have a desire to start working out again. Even though my new job is physically demanding, and can be very long hours on some days, I still want to work out. I have already lost 13 pounds on the new job. I know what you are thinking. If you are already losing weight, why take such a drastic measure in changing entirely how you eat. It's simple, it's for the reasons in that first sentence of this paragraph. I need a change, that will create a new and better outlook from my point of view. Technically I am already doing a OMAD (one meal a day) lifestyle with the new job, but I haven't been eating clean, and that will be what makes my mind and body open up. This is all going to be for the better. 

     I am actively trying to crawl out of the spiral and these are the ways that I'm doing it. When I begin that crawl, I will get my creative desire back, and I will do more and better things that I hope you will enjoy. I believe chapter 66 of The Patchwork Knight goes up tomorrow on Medium, and a new video and blog posted for TPR on Thursday and Friday. I'm of course going to share the video with you right now, and you can check out the blog if you want to.

     I still need to find the time and desire to come up with a new thumbnail design for season 2 of the TPR. I will do it soon, with all hope. I like the filter that is on that image above of the pizza, but I'm not thrilled with how the text goes on it, so that will have to change, and that is what I'm going to focus on when I do it. I will have it done by May 2nd when the first episode of season 2 begins. I hope you have enjoyed season 1 as much as we did doing it, despite all the turmoil that we went through along the way, it was a pleasurable and creative experience, that I wouldn't trade for anything. I still think that this can be much bigger than it is, and that is what I'm working towards. Peace in and well, good day. It's not night for this post, so I have to change up my ending. Peace in and good day.

I'm Sorry

     I have a lot to say tonight, and a short time to do it, so I'm going to try my best to keep it short, for several reasons. This isn't going to be a post that you want to read, but it is a post that I need to write.

     I didn't write last night. I didn't want to write last night. I was tired, I was going through a bunch of things, and I have been going down the spiral. Yeah, you know the spiral. Tonight though, I needed to write. Not only to make up for not writing last night, but for my own sanity. I have never been shy about dealing with my depression, or that I have suicidal thoughts and tendencies. This week is going down hill quickly, and there are so many things going on, and I truly don't know if I will survive the next few weeks.

     This isn't a cry for help, this isn't an ask for sympathy, this isn't a final notice either. What this is, is me talking through my own demons. Those demons being depression and suicide. I'm not going to go into detail of why I'm spiraling right now, what I am going to go into detail about is what I'm doing right now, and what I may do in the future.

     Here is what I'm doing right now. I'm writing. That is the one thing I can always count on taking my mind away from the spiral. It may be for a short time, but it is time away from it. Even now as I write about the spiral itself, I'm taken away. When I write, I enter a different world. Whether it be reliving events of the day, where I'm transported back to that moment, or I'm creating a story, where I'm taken to a world that only exists in my mind until I share it with you. Right now, I'm going day by day, the only way I know how.

     The future, is another story. The future is wide open, and not written yet, but what I see in the future, is being gone. There are two reasons why that won't happen. My mom, and Morty. I think that if I was gone, it would kill my mom, and I don't want that at all. I want her to live her life to as full as she can and be as happy as she can. I can't leave Morty without knowing that he is going to be taken care of as I would take care of him, and I don't know if there is anyone that can do that. Morty is my whole world, and that keeps me here.

     I know what you are thinking. This is a selfish thought and act. Here is the truth of that. When someone is going through this process of self elimination, it isn't a selfish act, it is a selfless act. We feel like this world will truly be a better place for those that we love and care about. I don't feel like that would be the case for everyone right now, so I battle on, one day at a time. I truly feel that the vast majority of people in my life would be better off without me in it. It seems like I am a giant screw up, and that if I wasn't here, that wouldn't slow them down from getting things done. I feel that their entire lives would be enriched by not having to deal with me on any kind of basis. I want to be forgotten. I don't want to be remembered. I want peoples lives to be better, but as I said before, my mom, and Morty's lives would be impacted, and I can't leave them.

     I will do what I have done for so many years, and I will wait, and I will fight the thoughts that swirl around in my head, telling me that the spiral is a much better place, not just for me, but for everyone I know.

     Here is the thing, despite all of this, I can still laugh, and maybe that is another thing that is keeping me around. Also, I hope to make others laugh and that is why there is a very special Favorite Song of the Week. I heard this earlier this week and want to share it with you. I hope that you will watch the whole thing, but I understand why you wouldn't watch a 14 minute video, so I will give you a summary of it until the 9 minute and 51 second mark, that is where you should watch it, if you watch it at all. This is a guy that took a viral video of a guy singing in court, and made a song out of it. He didn't just shoot a video of the song, which starts at the 9 minute and 51 second mark, but he films going through the whole process of creating the song, and he really does play on it and sing back up for the viral video guy. Now with all that, here is SodaHole with "I'm Sorry".



     Pretty funny stuff right? One last thing before I go for tonight. I'm sure that this was hard to read. It was hard to write, but sometimes truth in writing is difficult, but that is what this blog has always been. I said it from the beginning, and I have said ti periodically as I just did. I started this blog with the main function being that this would all be written with honesty, and I have done that, with the exception of the short stories and The Patchwork Knight. Those of course were works of fiction, but I brought you into the process of writing an actual book. What is more honest than that. I shared with you the rough draft, and wrote several times on the process I was going through in writing it. I will always write this blog with honesty being my first priority, and some times the truth hurts.

     Ok one last, one last thing. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't want encouragement or phrases to try and lift my spirits. I have never needed that, and I really don't want it. When I reached out to three people the last time I went deep in the spiral, I wasn't looking for any of those things, I was only looking for a connection, and I may do that again if I feel the need. I am where I am, and I am really the only one that can get me to the top of the spiral. Peace in and goodnight.

A New Adventure Begins

     It's been a wild week. Started out pretty bad, and ended pretty good. Friday I was done with the job at 11 c'clock. It was so great. I had the entire rest of the day to do nothing. I did something though. I picked up my contacts, and I had to buy work boots for work. I didn't want to go expensive, but I had to have comfort. I found a great comfortable pair of steel toed athletic looking boots for $54. I couldn't believe it.

     I need the boots because I have to go see the commercial side of my job. There are two sides to my job. There is the residential side, which is where I have been, and there is the commercial side. The residential side is exactly how it sounds, the commercial side has me going to a hug corporate owned hotel to do my job. I'm only supposed to be there for a few days and then I head back to residential. From what I have heard, residential is where you want to be, that is where the money is. Commercial is decent money, but you are limited in how much you can make. There is one new guy that is already pretty much stuck on the commercial team. I'm hoping that I don't get stuck there as well. So far I have the backing of my mentor and a couple other guys in the crew, so things might work in my favor, but I do want to see this side of things. I want to know all the ins and outs of this job, and that means checking out the parts that don't pay as well.

     I'm going to let you in on two little secrets involving the TPR. We filmed our final episode of season 1 yesterday. We are going to take a month like well deserved break form posting after this Thursday. We will be back up with new reviews on May 2nd. The other little secret is that this isn't the place that we planned to go. The first one we couldn't get to because parking was out of control. The second place we chose was closed. The third place we tried was also closed, so we decided to just go ahead and do a return visit to one of our favorite places, which just so happens to be the place where we formulated the whole idea of the TPR. That makes this last video of season one, not really a review. This will be our 30th video and that seems like a good place to end a season. Just because we aren't going to post anything until the 2nd of May, we aren't going to be sitting back doing nothing. We will be filming videos and writing reviews to get a a library built up for the new season. I'm also going to work on creating a new thumbnail design for the videos, so that three will be a difference from season to season. It's a path to creativity, and you know how I like those.

     I began testing for the next book case. I'm trying to see if I can use that new drill press that I bought to etch out a new design that is really tough. the idea is the symbol for the Death Eaters from the Harry Potter books. The first attempt wasn't great, but it showed me what I have to work on. Here it is.

     There are a whole lot of wiggles in there, so I need to be more patient when I do it again. I have the other side of that piece of wood, an entire other piece of wood, and a large scrap that I can cut down for maybe two more pieces, so I have enough wood to get this right before I try to place it for good. I also have to draw the symbol better as well. It is supposed to look more like a figure eight with the major portion of the body, so I have some work to do, but for now, that isn't bad. I just need to find the time to work on it. I should have most evenings, but that isn't guaranteed. If I am doing the commercial jobs, I heard rumors that I will be done by around 1 or 2 each day, that could give me plenty of time to work on getting that right.

     A new adventure is beginning and I love it. Peace in and goodnight.

The Follies Of The Day

     Let's get this over with early, so I can go to bed at a wonderful time. This week has been different. Monday is over and in the past, and things are going good with the mom. The job is going great, but there are some hiccups, but it isn't anything to do with me. We have a supply problem, and it just got worse. More on that in a minute.

     Today I got there, and none of the materials for the jobs were pulled. It was a mess. We found out that there weren't even supplies for the jobs that we had to do. We were expected to go to jobs without the proper material to actually do the job, and my mentor and I were in the worst situation. Other people had most of the stuff, it just wasn't pulled. Our job wasn't even ordered. The warehouse guy ran out real quick and picked up as much stuff as he could for the other jobs, and then he had to drive to Fort Myers, to try and get some more supplies to finish out the week.

     Before he left though, he had to unload the truck that came in the day before. He asked if I would help him, and I was happy to do it, but that isn't my job. It is the job of the other warehouse guy, who hadn't even arrived at work yet, and when he did, he took an extra 15 minutes to get his coffee before he began doing anything else he could to avoid unloading that truck.

     Me helping out, is good for me. It shows that I'm willing to do what it takes for this job, even if it is doing something that isn't my job. I also had ulterior motive. Since I was unloading the truck, I got to se everything as it came off, and I got to learn where things are in the warehouse by putting them away. I also got to search through it and see if it was anything that my mentor and I would need in the future. Unfortunately, that part didn't pan out. There were no hidden gems, but I still no where more things are in the warehouse, so I don't have to rely on the warehouse guys if I need anything. I can just go get it myself. It's very important to be self sufficient in this job.

     About an hour ago, I got word that the main warehouse guy, the one I was helping to unload the truck, quit via text. A real messed up way to quit a job, but it does have some style. He was fed up, and he even walked up to myself and a couple of the other guys, and told us that it was a pleasure working with us. He has been planning on quitting for probably a week. I heard rumblings as early as Monday, that it was coming. If he pulled all the jobs for tomorrow, we will at least be good, but starting Monday, it is going to be a massive 1000 car pile up on a busy highway.

     It's going to be crazy, and people are not happy already, because things are going to pot. Jobs aren't getting pulled, orders aren't being made, and supplies aren't being bought. Not that the main warehouse guy hasn't tried. He went to the store for supplies earlier this week, and the company card was denied due to lack of funds. This is a multi million dollar company, and their supply account went belly up. Someone isn't doing their job, and it isn't the guys that go out in those company vehicles that I'm going to get some day. We are left out in the cold trying to do jobs with little to no supplies.

     Things will get better, and for now, we are all laughing about how messed up it is, but a reckoning will come at some point, but it will be when the company begins losing money, because we can't do jobs that are scheduled because we don't have material to do the jobs.

     I did get my bag of tools yesterday, and if you think I didn't play with them, you would be crazy. These are some great tools. Far more power than the cheap stuff I usually buy, and I'm loving them. I don't have to take them to work with me yet, but when I get that company vehicle, I'll be loading that van up with them. I still have a bunch of stuff that I need to get, but for now, I got most of what I need, and that is a great feeling.

     Oh, I got a huge compliment this week without really getting one. There is another new guy at the job, that started a few weeks before I did. I have heard stories about him, but the thing that stuck me, was when my mentor was talking to one of the other guys, and said, hey, one of you guys needs to like working with that new guy, because I'm not trading him to take the other new guy out. I took that as  giant compliment, and also that I am doing a good job, not just with learning, but with doing the things that I am learning. I know that I can do this job, and do it well. I just need to learn a few more things. I did a few key things yesterday, that put me well on my way for what needs to be done, and I'm proud of myself for doing it and doing it right. I even doubted myself on a couple of things, and my mentor told me that I was over thinking it. That is a problem of mine sometimes. I tend to over think things, and strive for perfection when that is great, but not completely necessary. I'm hoping that means that I'm going to be like the guy that is training me. He is one of those guys that is making the ridiculous amount of money, that can be made at this job.

     I know I didn't do this on Tuesday because of what I had to write, but I'm going to do a special Favorite Song of the Week on Thursday. This is another band that my mentor has turned me onto. They are a band that has been around for a while, but I somehow have never heard of them, and they are great. I'm sure that this won't be for everyone, but give it a chance, and at the very least, listen to the musicianship that is put forth on this song. Here is Dance Gavin Dance with "Inspire the Liars".



     Just for a little added info. The bartender is actually the guy that is doing the screaming parts. I really like this band and added two of their albums to my playlist. I hope you enjoy them if not for their music, at least for how technical and well they play their instruments. Peace in and goodnight.

I'm Done

     Something happened with my mom yesterday. I'm going to tell you every point of view that I can, and you can make up your own mind on what the reality truly is.

     While I was at work yesterday, I got a very strange sounding alert on my phone, so it made me immediately look at it. It was an Alexa call. That is a call to my phone from one of my Alexa devices in the house. It was my mom, she was on the floor and couldn't get up. I asked her if she was hurt, and she said no. I asked if she wanted me to call her an ambulance, and she said no. She only said that she needed me, so I told my mentor what happened, and I left at once from Orlando to head home. Normally that is an hour drive give or take a few minutes or so. I made it in 40. I won't fill in the incidentals about how I made that happen, but I'm sure you can figure it out. While I was driving home, I used the app on my phone to drop in on the living room to talk to my mom and get more details about what was going on. That is when she told me that she didn't fall and that she had gotten on the ground. I asked why, but she couldn't answer. I told her to use Alexa to call my nephew and hung up with her. He would have a better chance of getting to her before me, because he is only 20 minutes or so away.

     The rest of the ride was torture. I couldn't go fast enough to get there, but I finally did, ten minutes after my nephew did. I rushed in the house to find out what had happen. That is when my nephew began talking at me. Not to me, but at me. He said that she had fallen and that she had been on the floor for over an hour. I can't deny or confirm that time frame. I know for a fact that she was on the floor when she contacted me, and that was 40 minutes ago. I began asking her question about what had happened. My nephew began talking over her and at me again. I called the home healthcare service that was scheduled to find out when they were coming out, since they hadn't contacted me at all when they were supposed to. My sister began calling me. I was on hold with the care service, and couldn't talk to her. I told my nephew to call her to explain what was going on. He didn't. I do think he may have texted her. She called me back while I was still on hold. I told him to call her again. He didn't. I finally got the home care explained to me, and it was far different than what the Rehab facility had explained to me. They were only coming once a week and tomorrow would be the day.

      I finished with the call and began asking my mom questions again and asked her if she had tried doing what I told her to try to get down the small step into our living room. Before she could answer, the talking at me began again, this time at a higher volume. Then this came out. "She doesn't remember anything you tell her five minutes after you tell her. You can't expect her to do anything." That is when I lost it. I still stayed calm, and turned to my nephew and told him to "get out there" I was implying the kitchen. I needed to hear what she had to say, and not have him yell over her. I wanted information. He looked at me and said,"For real?" I said,"Yes, you need to get out there now." That is when he flew off the handle and said that he hated me, He had acted like he liked me for three years but that was over now. you need to handle this." He walked out of the house at that point. I truly didn't care, because I wanted to hear what my mom had to say.

     I began asking her questions about what had happened, and that is when she told me about a girl that had been there that was helping her. There was no girl there, that was all a delusion brought on by her dementia. She told me that the girl was helping her get better. Things began to make sense. I think, that my mom really believed that she was with a therapist, and got down on the floor per instructions. The big problem with that, is that she isn't supposed to drop her hips below her knees. She doesn't have the strength or ability to stand up from sitting on the floor now. I must add the she wasn't hurt at all. There was no pain or complaining about having felt any pain at any point.

    My sister finally got through to me, and instructed me on what had to happen. I was to call an ambulance and have her admitted into the ER and that she was to stay there until my sister got there. I told her that my mom didn't want to go, and that it wouldn't happen. They wouldn't take her. She kept insisting and then told me,"My mom comes first and this is going to happen." To me that implied that I had no say in the matter, and that my mom wasn't really my mom. I gave up and called the ambulance, and they did exactly what I said they would. They couldn't take her against her will, and I didn't have authority to make it happen. My sister called back while they were there, so I gave them the phone and let them talk to her. They told her what I had originally said, and they left after she was able to answer their questions, and stand on her own power.

     Despite the fact that I blew off my job for the rest of the day, and stayed with my mother, and built a smaller step so that it would be even easier for her to get up that small step in the living room, I am apparently a horrible person that does nothing for my mother. For years now, I have been cooking meals for her, I have been washing her clothes, and I have been cleaning up the occasionally accident in the bathroom when I knew about it. I have been there for my mom when she broke her hip. I was there for my mom when she collapsed in the parking lot of the grocery store. I have been there. They have spent very little time in comparison, but I am the terrible person that is doing everything wrong, and they are doing everything right.

     I might add that both of them told me that they were going to take care of certain things, and I took them at their word. None of what they said they were going to do happened until yesterday. Today my mother had an in home nurse that has spent the day with her. She is still her as per her schedule, because I don't know what my day to day schedule is. This service is very expensive, but it is something that I hoped was going to happened when the Rehab facility set something up, but what they set up wasn't what they told me.

     I'm exhausted from all that happened, and I'm done. I'm going to be there for my mom as I always have, but if I'm the terrible person to them, then that is exactly what I will be. Since they think I'm the most horrible person in the world, then they can think that. I will not do anything to try and win them over, and I will only be myself, but I am done. I will be cordial to them, but only as much as I need to be. Peace in and goodnight.

The Crazy Is Rising

    Like the title says, the crazy is rising. Where I live, it's a sleepy little town. Quiet with nothing really exciting going on, but lately, there has been a growth in the crazy community. In my neighborhood, there is a guy that wanders in the middle of the street, and gets aggressive with cars when they go around him. It has happened to my on several occasions, where I have been driving along, saw him, moved over to the other side of the road, and then he starts waving his arms and shouting at me. I have no idea what he says, because I have my windows up, and the music on, but I'm sure it is some version of crazy talk.

     On my way home from the grocery store today, I had the pleasure of seeing a new crazy person. Just a guy riding his bike down the middle of the road straight at incoming traffic. I had to go to the other side of the road again, to avoid him, and he acted like he didn't even see me. I don't know where they are coming from, but I'm hoping the crazy quota has been hit.

     I got my first paycheck from the new job on Friday, and promptly spent all of it on Saturday. It wasn't a frivolous purchase. See, on the new job, I have to have power tools to get the job done, and I need a lot of them. Yes, I have power tools, but I need to be mobile, so cordless is the way to go. I found a great deal on Amazon, and bought the bulk of the tools I'll need for half the cost if I bought them individually. Here is the bonus of these new tools, they will help out with my woodworking. I have been thinking about my own bookcase and what I want to do for it. I have a shape, but not sure on what I will etch into it yet. I have several ideas, and I want to practice one of them for sure. It will be the most difficult symbol to etch, and I got a new tool at Harbor Freight yesterday that should help out with it.

     Harbor Freight always sends me sales and coupons for cheap deals, and yesterday was a "too good to pass up" kind of deal. It was an 8 inch 5 speed drill press for $54. It's a table top drill press that I can set the depth of the bit, and then run the wood underneath to kind of draw or etch out the image. I can use it for all kinds of other things as well, but that is the main reason I bought it, plus its a power tool and you can never have too many power tools.

     Yesterday was the release of the final chapter of The Patchwork Knight on here. It has been long in coming, but I'm so proud that it is done. The final reveal was in that chapter, so I hope you had a chance to read it. This was of course the rough draft, and the final draft is ready to go on Medium for April 15th. See not all things are bad on tax day.

     Speaking of taxes, I finally sat down and did my taxes, so that is all done for another year. I'm glad to get it over with and put it behind me. Next tax season should be an adventure since I have had two jobs with different W-2s for the next time around. The old job and the new, but that is all there is going to be. I'm really liking this new job, even with the problems that it has. Things are going to need to change with the way some things are done, but I don't have to really worry that much about that yet, when I'm done with my training, then it will be my problem, so there is time, to sit back and listen to how others deals with it, and see if their voices get things done. It should get fixed, but I think it is going to have to get worse before it gets better. I guess I'll see how much worse it gets. You do remember that this all centers on people being able to measure properly. It's a real simple thing to master, you just look at a ruler of some sort, and record the number that corresponds with the line that is touching the end of what you are measuring. Not a difficult thing, but it seems to be a major challenge for some individuals. A bunch of the people I work with have volunteered to perform a symposium on how to measure for those that need it, but no one has taken them up on the offer yet.

     I got clothes to wash and dry, and then fold, so I'm going to take off for the night. Oh, I have been battling for the opportunity to post some of my pictures on my photography only Instagram. I'm done with the waiting and dealing with it, the photos are my property to do with what I want, and I'm going to post them starting tomorrow. There is nothing over the top or crazy about them, they are portrait shots that I think came our beautiful. The problem is with an inability to communicate with the model, since this wasn't my shoot, and someone else's how doesn't bother to keep me updated on what is going on. Here is a quick lesson for you on ownership of pictures. All ownership belongs to the photographer, unless the subject paid for the shots, and even then, the law is on the side of the photographer for ownership rights. Now, that doesn't mean that you can just go around posting all kinds of pictures. There are ramifications if you post pictures that could lead to harming someone. Trust me, these pictures aren't that, and you will see the first one tomorrow on the CSP Instagram. Check it out, and see that all the fuss, isn't anything to fuss about. Peace in and goodnight.

The Patchwork Knight (Chapter 69)

     The last time I saw you, you asked me to write the story of my life. I didm but it wasn't really a request was it? Either I do it, or you lay waste to every citizen in the Realm. I waited each month in hope that your courier would fail to show with the ink and paper. If they didn't come then you surely had died, but each month they would arrive right on schedule.

     This will be the final scroll that I write for you. There is no more to tell of my life, since you exiled me to my mountain top. That same mountain top where you showed me how to gather the aether. You should know, I threw that stone form the top of the mountain years ago. The only reminder I have of you, is this incessant writing of my life, and that will be done when I put the quill down for the last time. I did this to save my people. Yes, my people, the people of the Targen Realm. Those that you have forsaken.

     My blood may not have original come from her, but I am a son of the Realm, just as you have become a daughter of the Mudwood. You wouldn't listen to me on that wall at the Kingdom, but everything I did, was in hopes that one day I would find you again. I had never given up hope the you would be alive. The friend that you had killed in front of me, told me a story of how he met a girl that would speak of a friend of hers that killed a large wolf to protect her. He told me her name was Elandra, but I knew it was you. He was a Raider from the Mudwood, that saw the error of "your" people. He fought for the good of the people that had become his. He was a true friend like I never knew, and will never know again.

     I don't know what you went through, and how your life changed when you were taken from our small little village, but I think deep down, you alway had it in you to become the person you are today. You told me of my father and how he was a traitor that killed his own people, but how are you no different? You did the same thing, on a much larger scale. He did what he did to save people, you did it to enslave them.

     When you get this scroll, do not send your Raven's to come for me. It will be no use. I will kill anyone that tries to come up the pass. That includes you. You told me you learned a lot from the Mudwood, and that is how you got your power. I have learned a lot on this mountain top. Things that you have never considered. I will destroy you if you come looking for me.

     I'm also adding in this last scroll, one little tidbit of information for you. When you killed my friends on the wall, you said that I lost everything, but that wasn't true. There was one that you missed. He was an old man when I last saw him, and I'm sure he has passed by now, but I thought that once before. It is my hopes that your men never got to him and that he lived out his life for as long as it would last. He was the old blacksmith that was friends with my father. If I know him, he escaped to the Crystal Palace, where I have been told by your own courier that you still haven't found. He would have lived his life comfortably there, and you none the wiser.

     I finish this by repeating myself. Do not send anymore couriers. Do not send any Raiders. Do not send any of your flock, and do not try to come yourself. None of you will make it back down.

     I will add one last thing, and this may be a little praise for you. My whole life I was told that there is no man that can stand to me. I guess they were all right. In the end, it wasn't a man that stood to me, but now, there is no person or beast that can stand to me. Do not test my words. I am The Patchwork Knight.

FIN

We Accept The Love We Feel We Deserve

     I am 47 years old, and I am in the second week of a new career, that has the potential to be quite lucrative. My mother is out of the woods and thriving. Everything is going great. My life couldn't be better right now, or could it? I guess the one thing that is missing in my life, is love. The saying goes, that we accept the love that we feel we deserve, and most of the time, that reference is implying that we accept far less than what we actually deserve, and only accept what we feel we deserve. What if you looked at it a different way?

     I bring all of this up, because I had a dream last night. This is unusual for me, because I don't dream often. I have been dreaming quite a lot lately though, and last night was a powerful one. It had to do with love, and well, that love I feel I deserve, but it was also complicated. Here it goes. It began with me seeing a friend of mine. We looked into each other's eyes and began kissing. It felt good and wrong. Good because it seemed natural, but wrong because this friend is part of a couple that I am friends with. the next scene was me questioning about what my other friend would think about what just happened. She told me, that she would work it out, and explain everything. The dream then jumped to me sleeping. I was laying on my side in bed when I felt a warm body lie next to me. It was her. I reached my arm back and placed my hand on the small of her back to feel her warmth even more. She reached back and placed her hand on top of mine. that is where it ended, but there was such an impact of emotion from that simple touch.

     I have never based love or relationships on sexual activity, and my dream reflected that in this instance. I woke with a mixture of emotions. I was horrified that I would be the reason that my friend would lose his relationship, because of me. I was elated because of the feeling of love that I had in that one touch of our hands, and I was saddened to realize that it was only a dream.

     The love I feel I deserve, is what I experienced in that dream. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with the person. That is inconsequential. That was just a tool that my mind used to create adversity to arouse greater emotion. It worked, but the love I felt in the moment of that hand touch, is what I want to feel. That is the love that I deserve, and I will not settle for less. That is why I don't sleep around, and just jump on the closest warm body. I of course crave that warmth of another person, but that isn't the end goal, that touch is, and if I can't have it all, then there is no need for anything less. I will wait, and it will come. Things are going in the right direction in my life. I have a job that I like and enjoy. It will give me a lot of money if I work hard for it, and I have no problem with that. I finished The Patchwork Knight. I have creative outlets to express myself in all ways; photography, video making, writing, woodworking, and just art in general. When the time is right, that love will come into my life, and it will knock me over like a bulldozer. I will be literally and figuratively swept off my feet, and I want nothing less.

     Now that I am done expressing that giant existential coming of age, I do have one of those creative outlets to share with you. A new review from the TPR is available, and I do think this is my best video yet. I hope that you enjoy it.



     You may remember Slices as the place I took you to in the last CS video. The cold cheese slice is from there, and this is when I found out about that. This video just came together, like this was the only way it could have ended up. I put a lot of work into, and I'm very proud of it. I hope that you enjoyed it.

    Time for me to go to sleep.  I had to fight off sleep to write this, as I fell asleep watching TV for about a half hour. I'm hitting the sack and then heading into payday for the end of my second week at the new job. Peace in and goodnight.

Is Today Finally Over

     I am exhausted. It is a combination of the waking up incredibly early, and the fact that I didn't dress for the weather today. I was an idiot, and was wearing shorts and a t-shirt while temperatures were in the 50's. My body used all my energy to fight the chill, and is leaving me wanting to go to sleep right now. I watched The Flash, but kept falling asleep during it. It was  good episode too.

     By the way Laissez Les Bon Temp Roule. For anyone that doesn't know what that means, Let The Good Times Roll. I don't drink anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't have that party spirit alive on Mardi Gras. I hope you celebrated in your own way, whatever that may be. I, as I already mentioned, watched The Flash, and am writing this before I completely fall asleep.

     The job is going well. I was in Tavares today. That is in Lake country, and is known as Sea Plane City. With a ton of lakes, there are a lot of places to land sea planes, and there are actual communities there based on that premise. I also finally entered Howey In The Hills. Yes, there is an actual town named that here in Florida, and is exactly what you would expect. A whole lot of nothing. Maybe there is a small cultural center, but I didn't see it where I was. I still think it's a great name for a town.

     The final chapter of The Patchwork Knight goes up on Saturday. I have been putting some thought into creating the next story. I was running ideas through my head, when it was clear, and not fighting sleep. Nothing has solidified yet, but the fact that I'm searching for ideas, is a very good sign. That is how my brain works. When my head starts creating and pushing for ideas, it wants to write again, and that was what today was. The idea will come, it just has to work it's way to the front of my head. I'll be ready for it when it does.

     It's time for Favorite Song of the Week. I was introduced to this artist, just this week, and I'm going to share them with you. This person is a solo guitarist, that is pretty freaking good. He can do things that I could only dream about. He is from Australia, and I haven't really looked him up until just now. I leaned what I did from the guy that is mentoring me at work. He is a guitar guy, and likes guys that play guitar really well. Take a listen and see what you think of Plini with his song "Salt + Charcoal" 

     Pretty impressive right. I wish I could play like that, but I think I will stick with strumming and playing rhythm. It's not a bad life, just not a crazy exciting one.

     I know this is short, but I'm tired, and there really isn't much to say. Oh, I nearly forgot. I know by now you have already heard the news of Luke Perry, and Keith Flint. Luke Perry was the star of 90210, and most recently Archie's father on Riverdale. He was one of those guys that you only heard great things about. Keith Flint wasn't the enigmatic singer in Prodigy. The drum and bass band from England. Their hit Firestarter launched their world fame, and Keith was the wild frontman for that song. He started out as a dancer with the band and soon became one of the singers. They both died in vastly different ways, but they will be missed all the same. A little piece of the 90's died yesterday, probably some of the best parts. They are both swirling in the ether tonight. Keith with that crazy hair cut, and Luke, just being the coolest guy in the room. Peace in and goodnight.

She's Back

     That's right, the mom is home. She got home yesterday after a lengthy struggle with paperwork to get her discharged. We were expecting a walker, so that she could move around, but they insisted that she go home with a wheelchair. She hasn't used it until today, when my nephew stopped by and took her for a walk around the neighborhood. She has walked more since she has gotten home yesterday around noon, than she has the last two weeks she was in that rehab facility. She is doing so well, that she feels that she doesn't need to use her cane.

     Her cane was something she only used when she was having leg pain, but for now, it is that safety net and a little more stability. She doesn't want to use it, but I'm making her use it for, let's start with a week for now, and see how it goes. She is moving around almost as good as she did before she broke her hip. She knows to take it easy and slow, and she is doing a good job of not pushing herself to hard. She did tucker herself out today though, and is already in bed. I get it. She has a long walk to the living room from her bed room and the bathroom. It may not seem like it to anyone else, but it is a long long way to walk when you have just been laying around in a bed for a month.

     Her whole demeanor has improved since coming home as well. When she is in a hospital type of environment, she is feeble and seems very weak, but she is really the opposite of that. She is a very strong willed person, and that is shining now that she is home and back in her environment. Her dementia is taking a break of a few days, since she is also back in her environment. It isn't a strange place full of confusion. Can you image, not knowing where you are on a normal basis and then being thrown in some place that is completely unfamiliar? It would be incredibly taxing on you.

     I will relieve you of the mom updates from now on. I'll give you some big news and stuff as it comes, but the biggest part of the ordeal is over now, and she is back where she belongs, and she is healthy.

     I head back to work tomorrow to start my second week. It's been fun so far. Even with the mess ups made by other people that slow us down. That happened Friday, and I didn't get home until 9 o'clock again. Fortunately I was in Melbourne, so my drive home was short compared to the other two guys that were with me. I'm sure they didn't get home until 10 or 10:30. That is a long day. I did a lot of driving that day. Once again we didn't have the right material given to us, so I had to drive all the way back to Orlando, wait for it to arrive from Clearwater, and then drive back to Melbourne, during near rush hour traffic. Once I got there, the easiest part of the job was left. It was all a matter of getting that material in to place. The tear down, and build back up is the tough part. That is the biggest two thirds of the job, the last one third is always the easiest and goes the fastest, so we cruised through the final two hours of the process, and then had to wait around for the customer to talk to someone in management. That's another story that I don't need to tell, but it did hang us up for an hour, which is why I got home at 9.

     I'm really looking forward to going to work tomorrow, just because I know I'm going to learn something new, and that is a great thing. I have always said to learn something new each day, and I am learning a whole bunch of new things each day right now. I don't feel like I'm being thrown to the wolves like at my last job. This place really wants their employees to know what they are doing before they even do it, and that is a fantastic thing.

     The second to last chapter of The Patchwork Knight went up on here yesterday morning. That means the final chapter is only a week away. That is the rough draft of course. Mistakes and all, but it will wrap the whole story up. I really hope that you have enjoyed it, and I would love your feed back on it once it is done. I am very proud of it, and it was so much a joy to write.

     I don't have any plans for the next story, but ideas are starting to pop into my head. I still have some things on the back burner of my mind, but I kind of want to start fresh with what is next. I want it to come to live, and start writing it, similar to The Patchwork Knight. I of course had that idea in my head for years, so this one would have you along for the entire process of when it came to life to when it ends, and I think that is an exciting prospect. I know this isn't conventional, but it gives you a chance to see the writing process from start to finish, and I don't know of any writer that does that, so I'm kind of a groundbreaker in that aspect. Love me and cherish what I do. I'm kidding, I just want to share with people what it is like to be a writer, even one as low level as me.

     Tomorrow will be another chapter on Medium. That is the polished story, and is how I want it to be. Cleaned up, no errors and exactly what I want. When I read through the rough draft I find things that can make it a little crazy at times to understand what is going on, so if you are reading it here and not there, you may be missing out a little. I'm going to leave it up until at least June I think. I still haven't made up my mind on exactly I want to do with it yet, so it is on Medium until then.

     Alrighty then, I have to go wash clothes and make dinner. It's a Hamburger Helper night, because I'm lazy and don't want to make anything extravagant. Oh, we did have pizza from Baci yesterday as the get out of jail celebration for my mom. It's good stuff, and I have half a large pizza left over. That will be eaten during the week. Peace in and goodnight.

The Patchwork Knight (Chapter 68)

     The battle began an hour before the sun broke the horizon. The batter rams snuck to the gates without being seen, but were soon pelted with large stones and hot oil. There were able to last it until the flaming oil began raining down on them. The covers were made from metal forged by Galdren himself, so the protected the men underneath, but the heat was so much that they had to retreat before downing the gate.

     The batter rams would run to the gate, and last as long as they could before the heat would get to them each time. The gates were cracking, but they still haven't given any way. The Raider's arrows tried to reach us but failed, our camp was just beyond their limits, but they weren't beyond the limits of our catapults and trebuchets. We kept a volley of large stones and flaming bales going into the late morning hours. We could hear the havoc coming over the walls, in the sounds of panicked shrieks and wails, but still the gates held.

     "Rolf, can you gather the men, I have an idea?"

     "I can, and I will. We are getting no where with this approach."

     Rolf ran off to gather Sir Paljin and the rest of the Target Knights. He returned in short order with most of them in tow.

     "Rolf tells us you have a plan. Well, what it is Pitre."

     "Sir Paljin, can we send word down the line to ready all the catapults and trebuchets to launch at the same time?"

     "We can, but I don't see how that would be affective."

     "Trust me. Ready all of them, with the exception of the one aimed at the gate tower. Ready it but leave the basket empty."

     "What is this plan of your's Pitre? I'm beginning to worry a bit."

     "Well, I'm sure you've seen a bold knight, and I'm sure you've seen and old knight, but have you once ever in your live, seen and old bold knight?"

     "What are you getting at boy."

     "It's simple Gorin. I'm going to launch myself onto that wall and give you the distraction you need to get that gate to fall."

     "Have you lost your mind? You won't survive that."

     "Of course I will. All the siege weapons will launch at the same time, so that I can land without any Raiders being non the wiser. They will see a massive volley and run for cover. I will land on the wall, and then create general havoc so that you can get through the gate. This will work. I didn't fight my way back her for 20 plus years to stand outside a wall and wait for the fight to come. I'm going to bring it to them."

     "This is insane Pitre."

      "It's going to take a little insanity to finish this war old friend. I will be at the top of the gate tower waiting for you to join me, so that we can fight shoulder to shoulder once again. Sir Palin. It would be wise to ready the siege towers as well. Once all the attention is on me, you should be able to roll them to breach the walls as well as the gate. We will launch on my cue."

     "It seems like you have this all figured out. I will concede to your plan, but know this. I am worried. We can't lose you Pitre. You lift the heads of these men more than any other person in the kingdom, and that includes the Queen herself. You even give her hope. Watch your back while you are up there on your own, and we will be there to fight alongside you as soon as we can."

     "I will Sir Paljin. I will do my part to remain alive for you to come save me."

     "Somehow I don't believe that we will be saving but all the same. We will launch on your cue. I will make the men aware of the plan and ready the siege engines."

     "Before you go though, we must have one last rally cry. Lionel, rally all the men to this point, we will tell them the plan here."

     "Yes, sir."

     "Good idea Gorin. The men will look into the eyes, of the most fearless man in the Realm to ready themselves for the battle that is about to come."

     It took some time to gather all of the Targen Knights in such a small area around the catapult that would launch me onto the wall. Even that men manning the battering rams were assembled. 

     The Queen was made aware of the plan and decided that she would be the voice that spread the word.

     "Men, we are gathered her for a plan that has been hatched by our very own Patchwork Knight. He is going to launch himself onto the wall and create the much needed distraction that we need to open the gate and breach the wall. He will give the single of an all out assault with the siege engines. When he is on the wall, the battering rams will move to the gate and bring it down, and the siege towers will be rolled to the walls. We will have to work fast, so that we don't leave our Patchwork Knight alone to fight the hourde that is in those walls. He will be our front, but we will have his back. 'FOR THE REALM'!"

     "FOR THE REALM, FOR THE PATCHWORK KNIGHT!".

     The men broke with excitement about the events that were about to occur. The catapults and the trebuchets were readied, and loaded. The battering rams were raised, and it appeared the men were struggling against themselves to rush to the gate before the time. Siege towers were rolled forward to stand next to the other engines of war. There was electricity that ran from man to man, each eager to see this war come to an end. and in their minds they knew that this was how it was going to happen. I made my approach to my own catapult. Before I could get there, Rolf and the Queen blocked my path.

     "Are you sure that this is what you want to do?"

     "Yes, there is no quicker way to get this war to end than this."

     "Pitre, I have known you since we were children, and you never have ceased to amaze me. i have faith in you that you will do this, but I still send my heart with you, to help watch over you. Stay safe, and only fight as hard as you need to to stay alive until the rest of the men get to fight by your side. There is no need to take any greater risk than what you are about to do. My father would have had no greater honor than to see this war come to and end, and you be the reason for it, like your father did in the Blind Wars before. Be safe old friend. I will see you soon."

     "Thank you my Queen. I will do my best to stay alive. I will see you on the other side of that wall, when your throne is in your hands."

     "I'm going to forgive you calling me Queen this time, but no more of that."

     "Yes, Alma."

     "Pitre, you saved my life more times than I can count, and you even brought me back from the dead. I will be the first one through those gates to fight upon that wall with you. I will see you on that wall my friend."

     Rolf than embraced me with a strength I didn't realize he owned.

     "Oooofff. When did you get so strong? I will be looking for you, and if someone beats you to the top, I will never let you hear the end of it. Now get ready for the fight to come. I have a catapult to see."

     I watched the two of them walk away, and prepare in their own way. I stepped onto the catapult and lifted myself into the basket. I looked down the line and saw all eyes on me. It seemed as if every man on the line was using their sight to see the signal. I raised my fathers sword high in the air. Each man's arm raised high in the air as a salute. Then I whipped the sword down and cut the rope holding the basket in place. I briefly saw the men do the same and release the locks to launch their weapons. A line of stones and flaming bales flew through the air with me right in the middle. I watched the earth speed past far below me, and the wall approach as fast. The Raiders on the wall began to panic and ran for safety. I got closer and closer with each second that I flew through the air. I began preparing for my landing. I really hadn't thought this through. I was approaching fast, and was flying head first. I rolled into a ball, and spun myself so that I was feet first. I would strike the gangway, and roll, with the hopes that I wouldn't smash into the wall on the other side. My hopes did not pan out. I slammed into the wall with enough force to knock the wind out of me, even with the aether gathered around me. I sucked for air for what seemed like hours, but in truth it was only as long as it took me to fly to the wall. 

  

     I rose and drew my swords as the first Raiders made their way back onto the ramparts of the wall. I ran and cut through them before they even knew what had happened. I could see the shock in their eyes as they fell behind me. I ran along the wall taking out every Raider that poked his head  high enough. A new sense of panic began. It was no longer the fear of a projectile hitting them from over the wall, it was the unkown fear of what had come with those projectiles. I slid to a stop and began a return route of where I had landed, doing the same as I passed each Raider that rose to the stop of the steps and ladders that led to the wall. I could hear the battering rams hitting the massive gate and needed to make sure that nothing was dropped down on them form above. 

     Two Raiders had reached the top of the gate house, and were readying the pots of hot oil. Their heads fell in the oil as their bodies landed beside the pot. The gate tower was mine. I was no longer in attack mode, it was time for defense.

     It took nearly an hour for the gate to fall, but it did fall, and I kept the gate tower the entire time. I maintained my stronghold until I saw the Knights rush the gates and force their way through the melee that had erupted when the gates finally fell. It wasn't too long after that I heard an old familiar voice. 

     "I told you I would be the first to the gate tower after you."

     "I didn't doubt you for a second. Let's finish this war."

     With that Rolf and I slowly made our way through the sea of Raiders that were clogging the ramparts of the wall. We were slowly making our way to the Castle from the top. When we got to the closest stair case, we would fight our way to take the castle back.

     That didn't happen. The way in front of us was full of Raiders, but I could see over their heads, that a path was opening quickly behind them. Whatever it was approached us fast, and it appeared that it didn't care if it got through by any means necessary. Bodies began flying into the air to make way for the tempest that was coming. A call began to rise.

    "Make way, the Raven's flock is coming."

     The call was filled with both hope and fear. Seeing how the bodies were flying, I could see where the fear was coming from. 

     "Rolf, if you aren't in the Euphoria, get their quick. There is a wave coming, and it doesn't look friendly."

     I gathered as much of the aether that I could from the stone around my neck and braced myself. I had never seen force move through a crowd like that.

     "I have you ever seen anything like that Rolf?"

     "I have, but only when I've watched you cut through an army of Raiders."

     "Brace yourself and stay behind me for as long as you can. I will meet this."

     "I will stand beside you and not a step further back."

     The Raiders around us stepped back as we stood in readied stances, and began clearing a path for this flock that was approaching. The first of the flock stepped into sight. They were covered in shiny black armor, with feathers all over them. The helms resembled a bird. They looked like ravens. Their swords seemed to be made of the same black metal as the armor, and they moved quick. It was only brief seconds before there were ten night clad ravens standing around us with swords drawn. There was one that had a plumb of feathers on the top of their helm, more than all the rest. The raven lifter the visor and the face of a woman starred back at me.

     "So you are the fabled Patchwork Knight. I would say that it is a pleasure to meet you, but you are the reason for the death of many of our friends and family."

     "I didn't know that Raiders had friends and family. I thought it was just slaves forced to fight you battles for you?"

     "Fair enough, but we do honor those that die in the service of the Mudwood. It is through their sacrifice that we conquer and rule. Our Baroness has been waiting to see you. Might you tell us your real name, Sir Patchwork Knight."

     She spit the last words out of her mouth as if they disgusted her.

     "My name is not important, besides, you won't live long enough to even have a chance to speak it aloud."

     "Ahh, fearless as the stories are told. It seems that your reputation is well earned, but I dare say, that you have met no warriors such as us, dear Patchwork Knight. Don't worry though, we are not permitted to kill you. Your friend there however, his life is forfeit. Ladies!"

     Ladies. Were they all women behind those helms. As soon as the lead Raven said the words. they sprung into action. They all went for Rolf. I stepped in between them and blocked their blades from hitting their mark. Rolf even blocked a few as well, but nine swords were coming at him, and they were moving faster than any that I have ever seen, with the exception of my own blades. I spun whirled and moved around Rolf as quickly as my body would let me. Without notice, the raven's retreated and returned to their original positions circled around us. I looked at each on, keeping my guard up and ready, when I heard a gurgling sound behind me. I slowly turned to see Rolf holding his neck, trying to hold the blood in. He looked at me with fear of what was coming. He fell to his knees and I caught him before he fully hit the ground. I watched his life drain from him and the light go from his eyes. I brought him back before, I will bring him back again, but I will have to finish this fight first.

     "Now now, Patchwork Knight. I know what you are thinking. We have heard the stories of how you brought a man back to life, that will not be happening this time."

     This was a different voice. It was not the lead Raven. This voice sounded familiar. I turned my head, and saw a woman dressed in a shimmering black gown. Her hair was long and black as night, and she had a bluish purple glow about her. 

     "Arial?"

     "That is a name I hadn't heard in a life time. Dear Patchwork Knight, how are you to know my true name?

     I placed Rolf's lifeless body on the ground and stood, turning to full face the Baroness, or Dark Raven, or the girl I knew as Arial.

     "Pitre? You are The Patchwork Knight?"

     "Why are you leading the Mudwood? How did this happen?"

     "You said you would always be there for me Pitre. You were supposed to protect me, but you left and forgot about me. I made my way the best I knew how, to survive. I didn't just survive, I thrived. The Mudwood was disorganized and pathetic when I killed the former king and took the scepter. I have changed my mind about what I was going to do with you, when I finally caught you. Since you are an old friend, I will let you live, but since you abandoned me, I will make sure you lose everything you hold precious first. Bring the prisoners her. Pitre will see what he has done to his beloved Realm.'

     For the first time in my life, since my father died, I felt panic. The Raven's Flock was fast, as fast as me, and as well prepared as me. I wasn't able to stop them from killing Rolf.

     "Ah, I can see a look of fear on your face Pitre. Let me explain a few things to you. Have you ever noticed that your aura is different from everyone else in the Realm. Have you noticed that it is similar to all the people that stand around you now, myself excluded? Have you ever wondered why this is so? I'm going to tell you. Your father is well known to the Mudwood, Pitre. He is known as the traitor that gave the Blind Wars to the Targen Realm. He was an elite warrior for the Mudwood, when he killed all his mates and destroyed the teaching scrolls of their clan. He ran to the Targen Realm to help the enemy. He killed his own kind, and now you are going to pay the price for that."

     "That isn't true."

     "Look around yourself Pitre. The truth is right before your eyes. Your blood isn't from this land. I'm guessing that your friend laying on the ground is the one you saved before. Is that so?"

     "It is, and I'm going to do it again."

     "That will not be happening. Take the body."

     The Flock was upon me in an instant, I fought them back, but two of them grabbed Rolf while the other blocked my path to get to him. When his body was out of sight, the stood their ground and backed to their spots in the circle. 

     "I learned a lot from the Raiders Pitre. I was actually taken to the land of the Mudwood, and I was allowed access to their old libraries, because of my ability with the aether. I studied everything I could, and I found a second set of training scrolls. I also found a way for me to enter the Swordsman's Euphoria, and once I did. I began fighting my way to the top. Whenever I found a new woman that had gone through what I had, I taught them what I knew. I taught them all 13 movements Pitre. Those are the women you see standing around you. My Flock. the Raven's Flock. They are the most fearless warriors in all the land. You see, the Mudwood respects power, and my Flock and I, are the true power in all the land. We also see that you have that power, and we respect that as well, but you will still pay your father's price. Ahh, just in time."

     Raiders way pushing their way through the crowd. the traveled by two's with a person being dragged between them. It was the entire leadership of the Realm. Paljin, Gorin, Lionel, and the Queen. They were bloodied, but alive. I could feel the rage rise up in me. I clinched my swords tight, and readied myself.

     I leapt towards the Raven in front of me. Her sword quickly raised to meet mine, but she didn't account for my second sword, and I slashed through the small seem between her helmet and breast plate. She fell before me, and I moved to the next. Before I got there, two were on top of me. Swords whirled with blinding speed, and sparks erupted from the clash of each blade everywhere. I could see the rest of them rushing in, so I need to finish these two fast. I dropped and spun sweeping my leg out to take them. The fell with a thud, I spun my swords in my hands and with all my force drove them into the chest of each Raven. It pierced the armor, and drove to the stone below. I had to use a great deal of effort to retrieve my swords. I stood to see the five Raven's surrounding me."

     "ENOUGH!"

     Arial screamed and everything stopped. I felt the aether drain from me, with only the Euphoria left. I would still be fast, but not as fast without it. I was for the first time, at a disadvantage. 

     "It's done Pitre, you have lost. I took the aether from you, just as I gave it to you. There is no more you can do, except watch your friend die before your eyes, the way I watched my father die before mine."

     With a wave of her hand. I saw Raiders draw knives and slice through the throats of each one of my friends. Their blood pooled below them, and I fell to my knees. There was nothing I could do. I could fight, but I wouldn't win, and they wouldn't kill me. I was forced to watch that which gave my friends life, leave them as empty shells. The Raiders simply dropped each of my friends to the ground, where they lay in their own blood.

     "Pitre. you have now lost everything just as I once did. I will keep my word and not kill you. We were great friends once, and I do this in honor of that, but you are to do something for me, and you will do it."