This Sunday morning post isn't going to be a regular thing, it is just for today, because I need to force myself to write right now. I shouldn't have stopped writing this week, but as I said, there was something in me that didn't want to do anything creative. I just wanted to do nothing. For those of you who experience depression, you know of this need for nothing very well, for those of you who are lucky enough not to suffer from depression, let me explain a bit. For a lot of people it is an overbearing sense of foreboding. They don't want to get out of bed, they just want the world to go away, for me it is a bit different. I don't want to do the things that make me happiest, and writing is definitely one of those things.
I have been thinking about a short story. It will be a one shot and I will put the rough draft on here as I did The Patchwork Knight, I also plan on posting it on Medium as well, once The Patchwork Knight runs its course. I haven't finalized the story, so I haven't started to write it yet. It will more than likely be around a 7 minute read, but I'm hoping it will be enjoyable for you, so give it a chance, when I write it and put it out.
Oh I do want to share a picture with you. This is what I looked like most of the week, and although I think I make it work, I wasn't not happy. This is me on the commercial side of my job, and it is monotonous work. Doing the same thing over and over, every day. I think I could excel at the commercial side, but I didn't want to show that, so that I don't end up on the commercial team. I'm back to residential on Monday, so the thrill should be back again.
I can do the commercial side of the job if that is what they ask of me, but it is definitely one of the things that helped me start going down the spiral this week. Not being on the commercial side isn't going to get me out of the spiral, that is entirely up to me, and there are far too many triggers still in play for me to get out of it quickly. I spent a lot of yesterday going through my old plan for what I was going to do, and how I could make the plan happen and not effect my mom and Morty, but I haven't found that solution yet.
I did get to see a friend briefly yesterday, and I know she could see the pain that is running through me. I went over to help her with a few projects that we are supposed to do, that will help protect her house, and do a minor repair, but I had to leave early without finishing, and it was destroying me, that I couldn't see a job finished. I only needed another half hour and I could have seen it though, but I was on an unannounced time schedule and had to return home. The last thing I ever want to do, is leave a friend hanging. It isn't who I am, and it isn't the way I was raised. I will have to plan another time that I can go back and get all the jobs done that I intend to do for her, but I don't know right now how that is going to happen. It's things like that that put added stress on top of the already mounting pressure that pushes me down the spiral. I am no longer going at a walking pace, I am at full sprint downward.
Here is another thing that I'm going to change that I do have control of, and that is the way I eat. I've decided to go Keto. Don't worry, I'm not going to preach the benefits of this diet. If you want to know anything about it, look it up and decide for yourself if you want to do it. I think that this diet or in my case, lifestyle change. Yes lifestyle, because this is the way I will be eating from now on, this isn't intended to be a 28 day thing, or a six month thing, or a "I'll stop when I hit my ideal weight" thing. This is a full on lifestyle change. We all know that sugar is bad for us, and I have quite a large sweet tooth. I have maintained a decent weight despite my sugar intake, but I'm getting older and that is harder to do with each day. I do think that when I kick sugar, it will improve my mental thought process, and it will potentially help get me out of the spiral. This is by no means going to be easy, and I know that, but I've already started the new changes today. My breakfast was very Keto friendly and my dinner will be the same.
The new plan is for me to only eat breakfast on the weekends when I'm not working. During the week I will only be eating one very clean meal in the evening, with a Keto friendly protein bar in the mid to late afternoon. This will all be forms of micro fasting, or intermittent fasting. Take your pick on which name you want to call it. I'm going to go through some rough body chemistry changes, but in the end, it will all balance out and be for the better. This should help clear my head as well as my body.
What does this mean for the TPR? It shouldn't change it. On the days that I have to do the TPR I will act accordingly. I will only have two slices as opposed to my half a pizza, and I will only eat that for the day. That will be my entire carb intake for the day. I may be able to sneak a few macadamia nuts in during the evening hours, but this will all work out.
My hopes are not just for weight loss, but for clarity of mind, and also more energy, so that I have a desire to start working out again. Even though my new job is physically demanding, and can be very long hours on some days, I still want to work out. I have already lost 13 pounds on the new job. I know what you are thinking. If you are already losing weight, why take such a drastic measure in changing entirely how you eat. It's simple, it's for the reasons in that first sentence of this paragraph. I need a change, that will create a new and better outlook from my point of view. Technically I am already doing a OMAD (one meal a day) lifestyle with the new job, but I haven't been eating clean, and that will be what makes my mind and body open up. This is all going to be for the better.
I am actively trying to crawl out of the spiral and these are the ways that I'm doing it. When I begin that crawl, I will get my creative desire back, and I will do more and better things that I hope you will enjoy. I believe chapter 66 of The Patchwork Knight goes up tomorrow on Medium, and a new video and blog posted for TPR on Thursday and Friday. I'm of course going to share the video with you right now, and you can check out the blog if you want to.
I still need to find the time and desire to come up with a new thumbnail design for season 2 of the TPR. I will do it soon, with all hope. I like the filter that is on that image above of the pizza, but I'm not thrilled with how the text goes on it, so that will have to change, and that is what I'm going to focus on when I do it. I will have it done by May 2nd when the first episode of season 2 begins. I hope you have enjoyed season 1 as much as we did doing it, despite all the turmoil that we went through along the way, it was a pleasurable and creative experience, that I wouldn't trade for anything. I still think that this can be much bigger than it is, and that is what I'm working towards. Peace in and well, good day. It's not night for this post, so I have to change up my ending. Peace in and good day.
No comments:
Post a Comment